h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(There is a hole in my house....)

It appears that my house is left standing in the middle of a noah scale flood, and currently there is a large amount of jellybeans in it, while one room now has elastic floors, ceiling and roof....

Dont ask! Just come and join us!

*Pops jelly bean into muth for effect, and wanders in direction of window to check on the enviroment*

* Window explodes inwards, and loud maniacal laughter accompanied by huge flames heralds the coming of Jacculus.

* Leaps through sundered window.

Hi!

I rather liked the stars myself.

Oh well. [joins the jellybean-fall to the Star Fissure* -- no, actually, the stars are of rainbow colors.]

[*Star Fissure, Riven, Myst, and all related nonsense are ™ and copyright 1997 by Cyan, Inc. All rights reserved blahdy blahdy blah.]

Why all the rainbow colours?

Why not? Jelly beans come in all kinds of colours.

* scoops some and eats *

Taste nice too.

He meant the stars.

I know that!

* seizes saidin and weaves a jet of Fire to toast YK on the spot *

I meant that if jelly beans can come in multiple colours, why can't stars?

* eats some more jelly beans, but holds onto saidin in case of retaliation by YK *

Whats saidin?

Is it like sadilin? *Grabs can of sadilin and procedes to paint MaW with it*

[YK gives MaW a sideways glance] Are we getting back to our three-way battle again? Because if so, I'm leaving. [attempts to stomp off, but because he's floating he can't, "AND YOU KNOW IT!"]

Well we don't have to... Jedi are guardians of the peace, aren't they? Can't you do something about it?

Tim, I don't believe you haven't read the Wheel of Time. You'd have to know what saidin is. Suffice it to say that it's
a) the male half of the One Power
b) Tainted by the Dark One so all men who can use it go mad and die
c) a bit like magic

* sticks out tongue *

I don't think I need to ask if YOU'RE mad.

Do /women/ who use it also go mad and die? I asked because a guy in "The Lord of the Rings" who cannot get killed by any mortal man gets killed by a mortal woman.

Now that I have read!

MaW, who is The Wheel of Time by? I shall have to get hold of it

*Draws Dark Sabre and begins to clean vigorosly with oily towel*

Wheel of Time is by Robert Jordan and currently consists of eight books:
The Eye of the World
The Great Hunt
The Dragon Reborn
The Shadow Rising
The Fires of Heaven
Lord of Chaos
A Crown of Swords
The Path of Daggers

With book 9, Winter's Heart, due for release in the USA this autumn (northern hemisphere autumn that is)

There is also a very cool computer game, a 1st-person 3D game using the Unreal engine (with enhancements). The official site is http://www.wheeloftime.com and my own site, based around creating single-player missions and new ter'angreal, is at http://aridhol.wotgame.com

YK, women can't channel saidin at all. Saidin can only be channeled by men - women channel the other half of the One Power which is called saidar and is not tainted. The reason it's not tainted is because it was a man who annoyed the Dark One and because the DO only had time to lash out at one half of the Power before he was sealed away he went for the male side.

Saidar behaves very differently to saidin - women who can channel are able to link together in circles of up to 13 to combine their power and abilities. Men cannot link at all unless there is also a woman in the circle, and circles above the one man/one woman or two men/one woman size need at least one more woman than men, with the biggest possible circle being 35 men and 37 women. Nobody knows how the person in control of the circle (always a man in the larger ones) is able to see and use both saidin and saidar together but it works somehow. Hopefully Robert Jordan will write about it someday soon. It doesn't happen very often because the only men who can channel without going mad are those who serve the Dark One, and none of the Forsaken (as the thirteen channelers who serve the Dark One are called) trust each other enough to link and give control of the link to someone else.

Also, saidin requires the user to fight it, balancing it against themselves so that it does not consume them. Saidar, on the other hand, requires the woman to surrender absolutely to it in order to control it. If a man surrendered to saidin, he would die instantly, or at the very least be severed (lose the ability to channel).

I hope that wasn't too long and boring...

Since I'm explaining, ter'angreal are objects which can use the One Power, either half, for a specific purpose. Angreal are objects which allow either a man or a woman (most are specific) to draw more of the One Power than they normally could. Sa'angreal are the same but are much more powerful, like using two or three angreal at once (although that isn't possible, which is why sa'angreal are needed). Nobody knows how to make them anymore so they are rare and highly prized, although male channelers seem to have more lying around because there aren't as many people who want them.

* withdraws small carved figure of a fat man holding a sword from his pocket *

This is an angreal, not particularly powerful but it helps for the big things. I stole it from the Dragon Reborn after a big battle at a place called Dumai's Wells. The fool man left his coat lying around with this in the pocket

I /knew/ that ripple in the Force wasn't just your powers.

And what purpose does /that/ have?

What ripple in the Force? I'm totally insensitive to such things, as I'm too busy enjoying the One Power.

I sensed a slight disturbance in the Force. It must have come from that statue of small stature.

You mean the fat-little-man angreal? I wouldn't have thought it could affect the Force, but then nobody knows how to make angreal anymore so who knows what goes into them?

Why does it have to be fat?

Can you get thin angreals?

There's no reason why not. Some angreal are rings, some are in the shape of knives or rods, some are figurines. Sa'angreal tend to be bigger and the most famous one, callandor, is in the shape of a crystal sword. The most powerful sa'angreal ever made take the forms of giants statues of a man and a woman, each holding a crystal sphere. Unsurprisingly enough, the statue of the man is for men to use, while the statue of a woman is for women. Since they're a bit hard to lug around, there are two ter'angreal which provide access to them while being small enough to carry in your pocket, so you can access the giant sa'angreal from all over the world.
Callandor, incidentally, can be used by either but in a man it amplifies the taint and makes him do all kinds of wierd stuff so it's not a good idea. Seems like someone forgot to finish making it.

Or it got tainted by the Dark One.