h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As you step through the door, the first smell that hits you is of the barbeque that has been specially modified to make jam sponge... Its a good smell! (To look more around the garden, view the entry

I like your house Tim. It seems very nice here. I will stop by from time to time.-Parke-

I would be happy to have you in my home

Come inside and meet the other guests - (Knock Knock....)

Mmm. I've never seen a barbeque that makes Jam Sponge before but it certainly smells good! Do you have a normal barbeque as well? I fancy cooking something.

* A hole opens up in the air and disgorges a large crate with "ingredients" marked on the side. MaW opens it and begins to rummage.*

Would anybody like a steak? Or some fish? Are the ones in the river any good?

* dashes across and disappears downstream. Returns with three fish and a washed toga.

Hello MaW, yes steak would be very nice.

* Flings fish onto barbeque, sniffs the sizzling smell. Suddenly realises he's missing something, and heads inside for the spear. Reappears and shouts compliments to TimJ on the jam sponge smell.

Hmmmm - that sun is nice and warm.

*Produces deck-chair from bag and lies back with sigh of contentment

Parke sips a tasty junebug annihalator and sorts through the large pile of pickles he's found on the ground in front of him. 'Where did all these pickles come from Tim?

I dont know, this house is built where Eddie used to live before he got lost, so weird stuff tends to happen

Try my guided hunting axe Jacculus, you will find it surprisingly accurate...

Hmm yes it seems a most agreeable weapon

* tries blade with thumb. Runs into house to get plaster.

What animals do you have here? Do they have any horns,stings etc. which I should know about before hurling things at them???

Hey there, I just heard that last line, and thought I Should warn you that I think I saw a Hideous Bugblatter Beast (possibly of traal) on my way in. I smiled at it and I think it was quite unnerved. I wonder what grilled Beast tastes like

You know, I'm running out of beef steaks. Perhaps I'll go ee if I can get me a Bugblatter Beast.

* Reaches into amazing Highlander-style coat and withdraws a samauri sword which is clearly too long to be hidden there, not to mention it should have sliced right through his coat whenever he moved. *

Jacculus, you fancy coming with me? That spear might come in handy, and Tim's guided throwing axe as well.
Who knows, there might even be two to catch! I hear the eyeballs taste nice when gently poached.

*looks up from flolloping by the river*
They taste disgusting. Whatever you may have heard, they ^don't^ often make good meals for visiting tourists (or anyone else).

*Looks up from counting pickles to agree*Really guys think about this a minute. We're not talking about Mary Poppins. All I'm saying is if you insist do take your towel with you.

*Dons Greatcoat, and weapons belt. Grins to the others and heads in the direction of the forest. As he takes his first step, the weight of his weapons belt puls him down to what looks like a very undignified patch of ground*

Damn!

Id love to come on the hunt! I hear you can use some parts of bugblatter beasts in Jam Sponges though that is a rumor....

* Pulls towel from bag. Shakes it by the corner, revealing two small squares of yellow cellophane apparently sewn into the corner. Stares through these, and gives sudden manic grin.( for explanation see article A211609)

Yes,I'd love to come on the hunt. My spear was sharpened by a minion last week, so it's battle-ready!

* Sets sights on throwing axe. Springs to wall,motioning others to follow. Disappears round side, still clutching towel to face.

Hey Tim, have you seen these new in-towel high-power ultraviolet spotlights? Death by tan!

* Demonstrates on MaW

* MaW smugly shows off his new skin, which is impermeable to Ultra Violet light of all kinds. *

Tim, you don't need all those weapons, surely. Let's go hunt ourselves a Bugblatter Beast!

* Checks the power level on his high-power Bugblatter-getter and heads off into the forest. *

Parke announces'I think I'll just stay here and count pickles.' And so he does. Suddenly a puff of logic hurls itself from a void of nothingness in his general direction. He dives into the mound of pickles before him. The puff howls off into the woods ranting about hunting Bugblatter beast.

*Grins sheepishly, and shrugs off majority of weaponry, while retaining his 8-Ball launcher and ASMD (See Unreal!)*

Sprints off in direction of forest, with others in tow

*Dons Joo-Janta 2000 sunglasses*

Tim, how are you intending to see with those sunglasses on? You really shouldn't wear them you know.

* Grabs a stone and expertly throws it through the left lens of the Joo-Janta sunglasses. *

* Gives wild battle-cry and viciously stabs at large,looming black object. Feels slightly embarrased by discovery that it was in fact a large rock, so says:

Spears need constant sharpening. Now I'm ready to get the REAL beast...

* Hears growling sound, plunges into bush. Large struggle ensues from which jacculus emerges triumphantly with a small,new zealandian rodent.

*jumps through the back door, still mpaled on wood*
Yaaah!