h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It actually explodes with the force of a thousand sons.

OI! Not on MY ship!

... well I'm not cleaning them up

ok fine give me some then but please give me a rank on this wonderful ship...i can clean toilets really good...

You can be my Master Seaperson

oh wow i am so totally touched...by the way what exactly does the master seaperson do?? do i by any chance get to hurt people and boss people around??

no hurty me

A Master Seaperson has the highest of the non-officer rankings, and as we are on a pirate ship, this means at this present time, you are the third most powerful person on board, basically equal to boatswain but with completely differant duties

who is the boatswain here again?

Can I please point out that giving dear Sarah/Feather Dusters Inc. a rank is not the wisest of ideas. I know her personally and she is not particualrly mentally stable. Beyond belief.

On that note it stands to reason that because I exposed her I must get her position!

And some chocolate

Well, I'm not sane either and I'm the Supreme Commander. You have to demonstrate some kind of psychosis to be a high up in the evil army.

OK then, on second thoughts, she fits in just fine...

I'm a helper

That must give you the biggest warm, fuzzy feeling in side.

Singing "What a feeling!"

The warm feeling feels warm. Like a giant bowl of insanity soup with extra crumpets.

Nice! I might just go help someone! Back soon...

*runs over to the other side of the library and sits next to Ally. Types a bunch of helpfulness onto her assignment. A loud "HEY! Don't do that!" comes from the other side of the library, following Jenny back to her computer. Also following Jenny is Ally, who shows Jenny that the warm, fuzzy feeling can sometimes be painful.*

The warm, fuzzy feeling hurts...

*points and s*

Captain Bonney, as your name suggests you are a captain. I suggest you steal your own ship if you want rank. THis is mine and I will defend it with my large, rusty, and very, very sharp sword

i can sharpen your arge rusty sword just as soon as i have sat my exam in a hour...i figure i can just write my name on the front of the exam paper and it wont affect my grades...hahaha yep i am failing! oh and captain Jenny, or shall i call you EMILY! you are the mentally unstabble one and you smell like half deceased fish poo!lol

As the highest ranking non-inanimate object on this ship I suggest, NavigatorBlack, that you cease this threatening the wenches on board as it can get mighty lonely at sea and, well, to be blunt you're not my type.

*turns to sarah*

And you woman, cease this infernal prattling and go do womans things, like washing, cooking, needlework and the like.