h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Apparently there were so many new sports they've had to transfer some of them to the Paralympics.
I hope the Greeks do them as proud as the Aussies did.

Yes

Well done Luthiena, that was completly mad, in fact that was so insane I'm speachless!!!

But your fingers can still type so lets get on with the next event.

What was it again?

It's either your fancy dress ice skating event, or my middle-class waiter lifting semi-final!!!

Don't I get marks? I did enter the mad acrobatics event....

*Checks computer*
Yes, you got marks.

*Listens to tannoy*
Bing-bong "Could the contestants for the waiter lifting final please make their way to the main hall. Could the waiters also make their way to the main hall." Bing-bong

Darn, I was about to order a sandwich!

*dresses in a waiter uniform*

Sue Barker: "Before the event begains let's see first how the event is played".

Johnathon Edwards: "Well the game is very, very simple yet it requires some real skill. First of all the atheletes have to get the waiters attention which needs a lot of patience otherwise they won't have enough energy or stamina for the next round. The next phase is to try and order a drink, now they do get help in this one with the assistance of a'la carte menus but it is probabily the most dawnting phase. The final phase is of course having enough to drink and having a really awful day, throwing the waiter into the drinks trolley. The athelete who moves the drinks trolley the most is the winner".

Sue Barker: "Thank you Johnny, now we can go live the Olympic restaurant where the contestants are now sitting down at the tables, we can live to our commentors".

Commentator: "Thank you Sue, let me take you through the line up. At table one is Maki Koto from Japan, interesting fact that she has been banned from over fifty sushi restaurants in downtown Yokohama. At table two is the returning champian, representing Great Britain The Marquess of Bath. At table 3 is Lady Admiral Ayeka representing h2g2, she is considered dark horse of the competition and very well fancied with the bookmakers. Representing South Africa at table 4 is the swarvé silver medalist from the commonwealth games, Shaka Wright-Smith and sitting at the other tables are atheletes from the third world countries who have'nt got a hope in hells chance.

The audience is calming down ready for the start whistle, the partners sitting opposite the atheletes are thorough-breeds, Breed espically for this competition. The waiters of course all weigh 75Kg for women and 100Kg for men, and the event is about to start and their off:

The admiral has immediatly put her hand up in the air, that's a great start. But wait, the waiter is weiving his way towards the South African. This is bad, the admiral is starting to lose it all ready, she's shouting 'garcon' across the hall. One of the waiters is looking at her but no sign of movement and the first waiter has already reached Wright-Smith. The Marquess is getting quite straught, the look on her face is one of impatience. A waiter is quickly moving towards Maki Goto, can the h2g2 get in there before hand. You have to remember it's very intense down there, the admiral reliases she's lost the waiter to the Japanese. She must get the waiters attention before the British if she's to stay in the competition.

Whats this a waiter, a female waiter has ran through the restaurant with a drinks menu towards the admiral, this is unbelievable speed considering she has'nt even asked for yet. Obviously the admiral was using waiter's sign language, this could be a world record in the making.

The waiter for the South African is now just going to get the drinks menu while h2g2 is already trying to order drinks. I hope she's asked for something simple otherwise the South African could take over. The waiter has just arrived at the Marquess's table, this is a bad start from the returning champian.

And the admiral's waiter has just left to get the drink. Remarkable speed there, Oh what's this, Maki's waiter was already carrying a menu, very good initive there from the hosts, looks as though she's been there all night.

The Marquess's waiter has now just left to get the a'la carte menu. There seems to be some confusion at the South African's table, it seems to be taking a long time to order.

The admiral's waiter is now returning with what looks like a peach cocktail, oh I've just been informed it's Tequila and almonds, a very good drink espically for throwing waiters. The admiral's taking a sip, yes, yes, she seems to hate it. The waiter is now taking it back to get another one. Maki's waiter is now heading for the bar while the Marquess's waiter is now returning with the menu. The South African has finally ordered the drink but is it too little, too late as the Japanese have taken over.

The admiral's waiter is coming back in quite a hurry trying not a spill a drink but...oh no she's fallen over...the waiter has fallen over someone's handbag - but wait the drink has just landed on the admiral's black dress, this could be a good save. The admiral is going up to the waiter and is shouting at her, using such slogons as 'do you know how much this cost?' and 'this is new'.

Maki's waiter is coming to her table with a bottle of Sake while the South African waiter is still at the bar making a cocktail. This could be a good time for the returning champian to catch up as her waiter is heading for the bar. Oh what's this...I think the admirals ready for the toss. Here goes - look at that the waiter and the drink's trolley almost landed in the stands, quite an amazing through for this new competetor....

Bravo

I expect you'll have to undergo a drugs test.

I should say!

We went through a drugs test at the begainning, they checked that we had the minimal amount of alcohol required for the event!!!

Did you pass that test though?

With flying colours!!!

Do the wiaters get any compensation?

They should be honoured to be get thrown by middle-classess!!!

*tugs forelock and curtseys*

*throws a at a waiter*

*get's out pea shooter*