h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do you know something he doesn't?

Who, me? I'm saying nothing...except that I've got copies of the negatives in envelopes to be sent to Fox News, The News Of The World and miscellanious other reputable news agencies if anything should happen to me

You know that Fox news will drop the story for something more "fair and balenced"

Like water skiing squirrels.

True.

Bam. Social commentary.

BAMN

I want to see water skiing squirrels

*sets up display of water skiing squirrels*

There, happy?

*squirrels explode*

Because I am.

As am I. As am I.

I feel like singing a song by the Gorillas.

*looks around*

*Falls asleep due to boredom*

*puts Vauxhaul Astra's hand in a glass of warm water*

Look!

J. Edgar Hoover is here, wearing a black, lacy dress with a lot of flounces, and he insists that we all call him Mary. He's brought his water-skiing squirrels (in explosion-proof suits), and....

(To be continued)

Oh my god! I hope this will be continued!

Why? We can't explode the squirels.

Well, it's hard to top Mary's new dress and the water=-skiing squirrels. Which is not to say that it's a topless dress. But here goes:

A chorus of Druids sings "Raindrops keep falling on my head," followed by "Feelings." Fortunately, they sing it in Druid, thus sparing sentient beings the anguish of the original lyrics.

Maurice Chevalier belts out "La donna e mobile," in Chinese.

But what about the squirrels?

The squirrels finished their gig and are counting their money in the old oak tree now .

???

...and then all the little forest creatures break out into a rousing rendition of 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree'...