h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*GL thrashes about beneath Witty, trying to regain his view. In so doing, he accidentally fires his Weapoff, which is stuffed down his pant leg, muzzle towards foot. At that moment, his leg happens to be pointing at the Kid. The Weapoff makes a burping sound and GL's left clown shoe falls off. His left sock disappears and his foot suddenly takes on a fresh-washed look.*

Wow! Good thing that shot only grazed me.

*Glances at his right foot and ponders on the best use of his apparently weapons-grade extremity.*

*the weapoff startles Lady Godiva who has been trying to avoid the melee of falling bodies. In stepping backward she trips over the rope and falls on Red Dog*

OK!

*Places the grenade back in his pocket, pulls out his crossbow*

*Pulls out a card*

If it speeds things up, this card keeps track of every way that I'm injured at the moment.

*looks at it*

For instance, my immune system is much weaker than normal at the moment, because in the past day I've been under a frozen lake in winter, half-drowned in a stream in summer, and swimming in an underground body of water in autumn. I'm liable to get a cold at any moment.

Well, Affy, at least you missed the spring.

Tarnation! What jus' happened? Som'tin hit me!


*Dives under a desk when his whip with the grip-eze handle that was tucked into his pants disappears along with his pants, and comes face-to-face with Lil*



*Gropes with one hand trying to get Lindt's trousers*

*starts to become suspicious and more alert*

Butch ..... psst Butch ..... these here volunteers don't look like the usual lot we git and they're acting a mite strange

*reaches for his sidearm but realises it's in a holster on a belt which is around his ankles*

Darn

Is that the Kid or the whip that's come face-to-face with me? I shall assume it's the Kid.


Hi, handsome! What's that aftershave? Eau du Cordite?

my last post seems to have disappeared into the ether

*has her caremliser at the ready, with her finger hovering over the ignite button*

*smiles sweetly at Butch*

Have we met before?

*Finally manages to get back on her feet, nanogun set for microwave.*

*Looks at Caer, carefully. Squints. Tilts head to one side, then to the other.*

Ah knows I seen yeh before, but danged if I kin remember where.

*Turns to Lindt*

And yer right Lindt, somethin's fishy around here and for once it ain't yer armpits.

*Takes a few steps back and pulls out his pack of 44 calibre Scottish Oat Cakes.*

*meanwhile, under the desk with the Semi-Sweet Kid*

I know I've seen you somewhere before. I'm sure you're a movie star. Can I have your autograph?

*flutters her eyelashes at Butch*

I rarely forget a handsome face.

* Delves into his trousers which are still inconveniently around his ankles and extracts a large Baseball Bat marked "Souvenir of Canada" *

You might remember this bad baby Butch - it wuz a present fer the Wulf

*looks at Caerwyn*

Say "Sweet Dreams" darlin'

*swings mightily*

*Sees the choco swing and tries to get a shot off but, his crossbow gets caught up in his clothes and his shot goes wild.*

*not that distracted by Butch's good looks, see's the movement out of the corner of her eye and ducks*

One advantage of being in the middle of brothers is gaining instincts honed by years of threats of whackings with cricket bats and tennis racquets.

*within the supervisors office is astounded to feel his hat being whipped off his head and pinned to the back wall by a crossbow bolt which neatly sticks itself in his favourite "Miss Wicked 2004" calendar which hangs behind his desk*

Whut in the tarnation

*pulls a sidearm and walks to the door*

*fazed by the sudden duck, pirouettes wildly several times before releasing the baseball bat which violently flies out of his hand*

*falls in a heap completely entangled in his trousers*

*is sitting at his desk attempting to work out the volunteer wasteage rate for the 2nd Qtr mine efficiency report when a "Gentle Persuader" baseball bat made by the Newfoundland Bat Company crashes through the office window smashing it into shards*

*beyond Toby can see a scene featuring a half naked guard and a pile of volunteers, pauses for a moment then starts to write a memo to the mine owners about the creative use of Abu-Ghraib type practices within the mining industry*

*shoots the Semi-Sweet Kid full in the face with Typ-Ex*

*Som f the uff spla around the oom*