h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ape, can you read?

Lil does have a point Affy.

*Dramatically lowers his gauntlet*

*Having waited for someone to push a button, looks over the button panel and pushes what he hopes is the one for Admin Level 2.*

*Notices a "Destination" sign flash "Admin Level 2" as the doors slide closed. Big Band music begins playing over the speakers*

Ook?
[Read?]
*squats down and pulls a manual out of his pack*
Ook.
[Who needs to read when everything is in pictures? I always used that button when I was bringing in fresh workers from topside.]

That explains a lot!

So I wonder if this elevator can go to topside, then.

Now that would be handy, wouldn't it?

*dramatic pause*

We do want to go topside don't we?

*puts away manual*
Ook!
[Nope! Another day and my orchid meds start to wear off. We need to get some pills. And this elevator doesn't go topside. The elevator by where the mad bot lives, that's how we get down here. Then we report to the office you just blew up, then we take this elevator down.]

*sighs* That would have been too easy.

So we need pills to get these orchids off? Will we have orchid withdrawal symptoms? Who dispenses the pills?

Hmmm....access to CLI's future medical technology....

*Affy checks his hand beneath the OmeGauntlet, thinking quietly*

Garius, think they've invented some anti-pink lemonade yet?

*The elevator slows and comes to a stop, the doors open slowly. GDZ, raises his crossbow and peeks around the doorway.*

*Peeks over GDZ's head, in a comedic fashion*

*still feeling dramatically inclined, holds her breath*

*sets her nanogun to PINS AND NEEDLES*

*Pauses*






















*And pauses some more*

*the doors have opened into a large airlock-type room separated by tempered glass from a much larger room which is filled with server racks, little boxes with blinking lights and tree trunks of cables. It is a forest of electronic equipment*

*the only entities in the room are a handful of gobolds shackled at the knees, wearing white labcoats. They appear to be menial operators*

*There are a number of doors along the wall to the right in this large room. Some rooms appear to be offices, but another door is marked CAFETERIA and it is ajar. Murmuring voices can be heard through the glass, coming through that door*

*In the airlock room is a desk, on the left, behind which sits an ape. His head is on the desk, on crossed arms. He or she is sound asleep. The door into the enormous room is straight ahead*

*one of the gobolds has looked up when the elevator door opened, and he now stares at the new arrivals through the glass, evidently surprised*

*tiptoes up to the sleeping ape and shoots point-blank*

*nothing appears to happen*

*Raises a finger to his lips, indicating that the shackled gobolds should remain quiet.*