h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This forum is to commemorate the knighthood of Garius Lupus, who did, in timely fashion, dispatch the evil rat-ant that did threaten the Aroma Café, it's surrounding woods, and the neighboring Kingdom of Queen bluDragon. Garius and I now being properly attired, and the Queen herself in attendance, I hereby offer the hilt of my sword Glamdring to her majesty that she may do the honors. I shall stand by with my Gibson SG, which I have plugged into the amplifier of my IIEM (Infinite Improbability Esspresso Machine -- this is of course impossible) ready to shoot the fireworks at the moment of knighting, which is why I have added this feature to the café:

*Presses a button which opens the roof of the café and extens above the woods a sheild that allows fireworks out, but no snowballs in*

Proceed, your highness!

*scurries in and finds a folding chair conveniently close to the dais so as to apply for post of Entity-In-Waiting when the opportunity presents itself*

*Bluebottle enters just for the food.*

*puff, puff, pant, pant*
*a Queen appears [well, actually a dragon who looks like you think a dragon-queen would], with crown, seal, impressive robe, scepter, and trumpteeers, pages in formal livery and a large cask of Damogranian wine to celebrate the Knighting*

Oh, dear...I'm so sorry it took so long, but Ipopped over to Damogran to pick up a few things more in keeping with this formal occasion, and then I experienced a RT space-time adjustment [drove 350 miles south] and THEN I had to find this lovely new location for the Ceremony, and, and...
*puff, puff, pant, pant, gasp, gasp*
Everything looks lovely Sir Irving! Is everyone ready? OK!
Trumpeteers! Trumpeteers???
*nudge, nudge*
TRUMPETEERS!!!!
[sheesh, and sometimes I cant get them to STOP with the trumpets]

**TAN-TA-RA!!! TAN-TA-RA!!! TAN-TA-RA!!!**
*Royal Page steps forward*
Hear ye, Hear ye!!
By order of HRH, the Dragon Queen of Damogran!
Draw near for a Formal Knighting!
**TAN-TA-RA!!! TAN-TA-RA!!! TAN-TA-RA!!!**

}:=8
[seal formally stamps announcement]

Please stand by for the playing of the national anthem of Damogran.

*Lil, who is sitting near trumpeters, unobtrusively stuffs cotton in both ears*

*Removes baseball cap and places it over his heart*

*Watches quietly from a corner table, sipping hot vimto from a large mug*

*the strains of the Damogranian national anthem fade, and the Queen rises with the Noble sword Glamdring in hand*

*TAN-TA-RA!!!*
HRH, blu, the Dragon Queen of Damogran, decrees
Whereas
Garius Lupus, did, in timely fashion, dispatch the evil rat-ant that did threaten the Aroma Café, it's surrounding woods, and the neighboring Kingdom of Queen bluDragon.
And wheras,
Garius Lupus has expressed a desire to be kinighted in the Royal Tradition of Damogran,
And wheras,
the Queen commends his noble acts in defense of the Aroma Café, the enchanted woods and neighboring Damogran,
Therefore,
We decree henceforth Garius Lupus to be a Knight of the Realm of the Aroma Café and the Land of Damogran. And that he shall be accorded all the rights and priveleges to which the rank entitles him. An' lotsa feasting an' drinking, an' other stuff, too.

Come forward, Sir Gairus Lupus, and receive knighthood by the Noble Sword Glamdring.
[uh, lessee now, that's dull side up -- dont want any damaged knights]

}:=8
[seal stands well away from the sword]

*A hushed awe decends on the cafe, all eyes on Garius and the Queen*

*Runs in, out of breath, from previous location, just in time to hear Queen BluDragon's speech. Runs towards Queen, slips on red carpet and skids on bum the rest of the way. Hastily stands, adjusts clothing, then kneels, waiting*

*His right hand, gripping a guitar pick tightly, quivers just above the strings of his guitar, waiting for the propper moment to strum and launch the fireworks spectacular*

~Irving

*the Queen lifts the Sword Glamdring and [very carefully] touches it [dull side] on each shoulder of the Knight-elect*
*mutters*
Whew! that part always worries me...not a scratch on 'em.
*nudges trumpeteers*
*TAN-TA-RA*
Rise Sir Garius Lupus, Knight of the Realm of the Aroma Cafe, Knight-errant to Damogran and Rat-ant Slayer Extrordinaire!
*all look up as the roof retracts, snowball protection field is activated, and the fireworks begin!!!*
[erm...Sir Irving, I hope you don't mind, but I have some imported Damogranian fireworks if you would like to include them in the ceremony]
Congratulations to Sir Garius! Let all come forward and congratulate the brave knight!
*rousing cheers are heard from the crowd*
Let the feasting and partying and all that stuff, begin!!!
*more cheers from the crowd*

}:=8
[seal cheers]

Hurah!

*waits for the cheering to die down, stands up and in a loud voice says*

I now propose a toast to the Queen, and one for Sir Garius

*Grins hugely. Accepts tankard of something from waiter and drinks toast to Queen. Blushes during toast to himself*

And a toast to Irving Washington, for providing this fine establishment.

To Irving Washington!
*Drinks toast, which was the reason he came here in the first place.*

*drinks tea and eats toast*

[Mewtwo enters, looking calm and in control. There is something that seems deadly about him.]
["Mew!"]

}Erm, Mew, could you work on your timing better?{

*At moment of knighting, strikes a fantastic A for aroma and slides up to B for bluDragon and then to D for Damogran as fireworks burst above him*

Thanks for the toast, guys. It was all a pleasure!

~Irving