h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

so far almost all of the responses have been from parents, so i just want to throw in a little something from someone more on teh receiving end of the parenting relationship. I'm a senior in high school, so i'm still at home but finally have some perspective on my relationship with my parents overall. A few answers to the questions:

Parents are not totally to blame for anything involving their children (unless they do something like murdering them, but i really hope that's not an issue here). Even a child is also a person who can make choices. But yes, parents do have a whole lot of influence.

I certainly don't tell my parents absolutely everything i do -- for one thing, it would probably get boring for them, but also i have done stuff that i don't want them to know about for a while. If you don't keep a few secrets, what are you going to reminisce with them about when you're old yourself? On the flipside, they accept that there's things i've done that i haven't told them about. Trust is a humoungous gift, but it also forces you to face the reality of having responsibilty. Yes, tehy may mess up, but give them some reasonableness, and be there for them, be open, and learning your own limits while you still have parents there to help you recover is the best way.

I don't think that *any*one is fully aware of the effects of their actions. And the age at which people gain a good idea varies quite a bit. Most teenagers, up to sixteen or seventeen, will waaay overestimate how rare it is for their own actions to have real consequences (coming from a seventeen year old). Tlak to your kids, really listen to how they see things, and .. well you're the best judge of how much understanding they have. If you're open and taket eh time, you'll probably be suprised how much maturity is lying in there.

Morals -- again, whose responsibilty thses are varies hugely from one person to another. But all kids should be encouraged to look at thte consequences of everything they do, and as long as they really feel that something is right for them - even if you disagree - then it is.

if anybody bothers to read this much, thanks!

'I don't think that *any*one is fully aware of the effects of their actions.'

Good point - certainly some are more aware or more caring than others.

About telling parents everything - I wouldn't expect that, although what I do hear I would expect to be the truth.
Apart from not wanting an overload of trivia, as you say, we all have things we want to keep to ourselves, don't we.
On the other hand I don't think my children realise how interested I am in being aprt of their lives & wanting to know what has gone on during their day.

About telling parents everything - I wouldn't expect that, although what I do hear I would expect to be the truth.---Teasswill

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."---3 John 1:4

Honestly, I value honesty most from my children. Now ask me if I've gotten that from the three that have left home, the one who's about to, or even the youngest who has a long way to go. I never expected it for every single thing, but I would have gladly taken any heart-breaking truth over the deliberate lies to cover what otherwise would simply have been a mistake. It's so much harder to base good decisions on that kind of tripe, and usually just makes matters worse.

B4theyRallgrownup

'Oh what a web we weave' kind of thing?

Yeah, we've been lied to. Not pleasant. Waiting on them to grow out of it.

B4uknowit

i've never really lied to them about anything, just deliberately omitted a thing or two in my telling of the evening, once in a while. I have no doubt that they're interested in my life, or that they would probablybe ok with what i do, but i worry about them telling my friends' parents about things we've done, and some of my friend have extremely unpermissive parents os i would worry about the friend--maybe that's the situations where you've been lied to?

yes i realize "never really lied" sounds evasive, but of course i've denied the obvious a few times, "did you just give that bite of fish to the cat? " me: "no, would i ever do a thing like that? "