h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So who does have the greatest influence on our children? Surely it's whoever (or whatever) they spend the most time with? Who's that then?
The contenders are...
Parents? Unfortunately many parents don't spend much time with their children. (Many say that quality time is more important than quantity.)
Teachers? Probably not - when a teacher has to divide time between a class of 20-30 or so children, there's not much time for any one individual.
Peers? Yup, it's likely that our children are influenced by their school friends more than any other people. (Q: Do you approve of your childrens friends???)
TV & Media? Probably the other BIG influence on children is TV, Radio, music and other media...

So, if we're unhappy with this balance - perhaps we should redress it somehow???

As for me & my family...
My wife teaches our two sons (aged 8 and 7) at home - so as parents we do get lots quantity and quality time with them. We limit access to the TV. And to be honest they thrive on all the attention they get.
It's not a choice everyone can make of course, but if you can consider it - I'd recommend it!

You underestimate parents, not that many children truly wish to anger their parents. Most simply disagree with them on a few points. Also parents are the only real point of contact in the very early years of a child's life. It's where children will begin to form their sense of right and wrong. I appreciate that a lot of parents don't spend time with their children, moreso these days. But still parents are the greatest influence on children in my opinion. A freind of mine with some 40 years in education said "Look at the parents, look at the child, it's not always the case but with the overwhelming majority of children you can see the link".

I have an eight year old son. I have been a working single parent for most of his life, so I was and am his major influence, except in the time I work, which is a large part of the day.

I purposely chose a good nursery where he would be given quality care and love.

He has good manners and wonderful language skills. Since he went to school, I have noticed that he has picked up some bad language. I don't encourage it, and so he doesn't use it at home. I think that the children he mixes with at school do have a big influence. If I found that his behaviour was deteriorating, I would move to somewhere where he would be surrounded by better influences.

I would say that up to this age, that I am the major factor in his behaviour.

As for punishment, I think that should be done as soon as possible after the event. Later, and it loses any effect, as he forgets why he is being punished.

I also reward him for good behaviour. I have a chart against which I mark him on a daily basis, and with his agreement, on such things as cleaning his teeth and keeping his room tidy. He worked to a light sabre, which took him five weeks. He seems to enjoy it as well!

I prefer my son to be at school where he is open to the sorts of experiences that I can't give him. Like learning to get on with other kids, learning to wait his turn, and generally learning how to get on in a society of lots of people.

I'd rather see him leave school with no qualifications but be able to function with other people, than barely be able to stutter three words to the person next to him, if they haven't known each other for years.

I have friends who home educate, and their children are very well balanced and able to function extremely well with others.

One couple have six children whom they've home educated. They belong to a group called 'Education Otherwise' or EO, which allows them to organise and to share the teaching with others and the children meet on trips to the museums, to do pond dipping, etc. In fact, they are better balanced than a lot of school based children. I can't talk for all home educated kids, but the ones I've met (and their parents) seem to be well organised and the kids are well socialised.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not really so down on schools as perhaps I appeared! Many children thrive in school and are very well balanced. (On the other hand school *can* be appalling - the "one-size-fits-all" approach simply does not work well with some children.)

Our own choice was made because our eldest son was simply "missed" at school - he's a strange combination of very bright but also slow & thoughtful and entirely un-competitive. He hated school, even though we thought he'd love it. But given one-to-one attention he thrives!
His brother on the other hand would love school! (For all the wrong reasons!!! He could become a trouble magnet - [as opposed to a trouble maker])

As for social skills - they both do very well. Partly because they get to meet so many people of ALL ages - not just the artificial environment of a classful of children the same age. It also helps that they've got each other of course. (I suspect that home-education may not be work well for those with only one child?)

Anyway, my point is that if you do have concerns about other influences on your children - you can take matters into your own hands - even to the point of removing them from school. Not a step for the faint-hearted maybe; but it is legal, and often worthwhile.

I would maintain that parents are the greatest influence on their children's behaviour. However children will also go through phases e.g. teacher=god, adopting behaviour similar to peers, where they try out different patterns of behaviour.

My eight year old is still very proud of me, which is lovely. At a friend's wedding he went round telling people how beautiful he thought I looked. Aaah.

Hello people. I agree that there are several major influences on children. Parents definitely are a great influence, but so too are teachers, TV, Movies, the Media, other children in schools, and the society at large ...

I can tell many stories about all of this. My own education was a mix of bad and good, and I wound up with many very good personal attributes, but also a serious mental illness that could have been avoided. Nevertheless, my parents did OK. What messed me up were other factors, most particularly, the sort of society in this country (South Africa) during a very messed up time. I ingested certain really bad influences and these twisted parts of my psyche all out of shape, during very sensitive periods of my mental, psychological and spiritual formation. I can just say, some kids are very sensitive to outside influences, and they do absorb certain things they encounter, they do try and deal with traumas in lots of ways, but many of these ways can eventually cause further traumas, and a great deal of disfunctionality can result - not to mention absolutely unfathomable personal mental anguish and suffering.