h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, there will be non of that. I refuse to convene the inquisition on a member, even if not in good standings. Yes, Fenny my dear, please tell us your side of the story. -Archbishop Marv

Yes, tell us your Demented tale.

DR. D

BURN HER! BURN HER! Witch! Witch!
(Just joining in...)

Now now everyone. There will be no burning today. Let us instead give ourselves some goodness. Brownies for Everyone! -Archbishop Marv

Ith tthe beginningth of a 'witch'-hunt? Againtht I and Fenchurch?

Do ye think ye can hunt the hunter? Ye betht be good then. I would maybe give you a thporting chance *thrug* but thatth not how it happenth.

I therve the Mathter, for he ith Grate. Be withe, and hear hith commandth.

Zed

Mari-Rae? Thank you for moving tthe ttruck. Motht well driven. Thereth a JCB round the back of tthe church, it'll make short work of the sugar mountain.

Whatever a JCB is I will figure out how to use it to put this sugar away in the church storage bins. In the meantime, Zed, try one of these delicious raspberry liquor laced brownies. They are very special. I made them just for you. *Hands Zed a ribbon wrapped package, smiles winningly, then goes out to find that JCB.*

Is anyone going to make more Brownies! If so when are they going to be done! Who is responsible for this! I haven't eaten a Brownie in fifteen minutes! I'm hungry and I'm getting freakin' irritable.....
(Mommy said to play nice mommy said to play nice Mommy said to play niceMommy said to......)
A Bear can not live on beer alone.

Okay... it's time for me to explain. *sigh*

*points to Zedly* HE did it! That lithping one! *nibbles nervously on the brownie 'Nonnie so lovingly gave her*

*Crashes gears on JCB thingy and manuvers between Zed and Fenchurch. Its bucketload of sugar is raised menacingly over Fenchurch.*

Excuse me, WHAT did you just say? You didn't imply anything derogatory about my Zeddikins, did you?

Ermm... burn something! Declare it a witch, and then burn it!

*snaps her fingers and causes a fresh tray of Brownies to appear before the bear so as to keep him from becoming too irritable*
Fenny, come now, you don't expect us to believe that Zed controlled you now do you?? i mean you had to know what you were doing....come on, tell the truth, it will be better that way besides, look, bluebottle is just itching to burn someone and right now you seem to be a good target...if i were you i would work on getting myself out of this mess quick
monsy

*menacingly*

Yeah

BB Put down those matches! No one is going to burn anyone here. Now Fenny, I know that this has been a very tulmultuous time for you. But you cannot steal Brownies from the masses and then try to pawn off responsibility on my man Zed. Just explain your actions and we will be able to help you with your problem so this will not ever happen again.

Oh I'll go somewhere and burn dinner then...

not so fast Bluebottle!!! we can use your matches to build a bright flame with which to shine on fenny while she is being questioned
monsy

*Zed fireth a handy thurfathe to air miththile out of an open window. A nearby 747 crathheth in flameth*

Mari-Rae - pleathe not to threaten people while in Church. Thank you for the thpecial brownieth but I have no need of intoxicanth.

Fenny - you were rethpectfully re-programmed, owing to your rank, and the witheth of the Mathter. It would be betht not to forget that.

BB - burn your dinner and naught elthe. ALL burningth on command on the Mathter and no other.

No lynch mobth will be permitted, on pain of pain.

Mathter, your thhinning prethenthe helpth me retain my calm. But pleathe can I.... well, you know.

Z

But I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! HONEST! It *was* him! Or someone who looked and sounded and acted like him! I wouldn't even REMEMBER the incident if not for your constant bombardment of questions! I didn't!

*eyes grow large and watery, like those cute puppies in the cartoons, lower lip trembles, in the background sweet classical music plays.... but no! It's not sweet, it's ORFF!*

I still think the Inquisition sould be called on....just to help Fenny remember.

*Turns up Orff*

*NM sneaks up,unseen, beside JCB......yanks wires from the fuel pump*

Ya' know.....if ya' wanna' learn to run one of these here backhoes, I can teach ya'......in the meantime, leave the heavy equipment operation to us professionals!!.....Why, you coulda' hurt poor Fenny with that bucket load o' sugar!

......Oh!!!! and put them blamed matches away!!!!!! Whathca' trin' ta' do!?....Blow us all up!? Don't ya' know that sugar is HIGHLY flammable!

Now what I REALLY want ta' know, is why ya' put that curve in the hallway gettin'here?.....I amost got lost!

NM

Witches? Burning? Inquisitions? This is beginning to sound like everyone here needs to get theeselves off to the FFFF for redemption! *whips up a Gazillion gallons of Double Fudge and pours it over a traincar-sized brownie* (Yeah, I know it's a bit of a task for a mouse, but the CAT helped.)