h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Schumacher is an excellent player and Fisichella was going to play for AC Milan if he hadn't become an F1 driver...having witnessed the skill of the 'All Stars' team before the Monaco Grand prix we should definitely have them as our national side although that falls down somewhat in that none of them are English but then no-one at Chelsea is from Chelsea either so they can't complain

What position would you like to play then Menza? I'm in goal but so far that's all that's decided...ooh and Jenson Button as a defender

I'm useless anywhere.

Do you want to be the other defender then, it's the place with the least running about...unless you like running about in which case you could be in midfield? Where would you be most comfortable displaying your lack of football skill

I think I'll stick at the back thanks.

Oh but if I'm in goal that means I'll have to do something... I hope Button's a good defender

Lets hope.

Aaah well at least I'll have a good view...of ummm the opposition...because you'll have gone to find cake...leaving a good view of the pitch...and the opposition

Aaah well at least I'll have a good view...of ummm the opposition...because you'll have gone to find cake...leaving a good view of the pitch...and the opposition

I wouldn't leave in both halves you know.

That's ok we'll be facing the other direction in the second half...it's my plan to distract the opposition

What, goal hang?

*sits giggling*
'Scuse me?
I was just planning on everyone facing the wrong way once we switch ends, we did that in a hockey match once and it worked

Was it a perticularly stupid opposition?

No we were just really bad players, because we were all such good mates we'd keep getting distracted and start talking to each other. The other teams could never cope with us being such good losers as we didn't take it seriously at all and we'd just sit giggling. the best fun was when we played a team who had about half of there members straight from the England U21's squad they just couldn't understand

Yes well they would take it too seriously.

Just because they were trying and we weren't but had somehow scored anyway... Besides they'd be the only England team that do

*looks dased and totally confused*

.... ....

*looks quizically at Menza*
?

I just volunteered for my departments 6-a-side football team.

*giggles*
6, Isn't that cheating?
*giggles again*
So when you said you were useless at football how accurate was this?