h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, no no, please not that, I live in Glasgow, they'll put me in another new museum, probably the Museum of Lunacy or something. It's about the only one they haven't thought of yet.
Right! I heard that. Who said, "The entire City's a museum of lunacy"?
*taps foot* I can wait all day you know...

If the Ladies Loo is to have an honours system, how about the Keys to the Shi..., err no, what I mean is how about a "Freeman of the Ladies", with a gold lamé blindfold? There could even be special dispensations to leave the seat up (of course the Gents would have the female honour and privelege, tho I'm not to sure about the title Freewoman of the Gents being much of an honour. Is that sexist? Do I care? Is that the PC Police at my door? Watch next week's exciting episode to find out).

Hmmm there could also be an OBE (Order of Bladder Emptiers), CBE (Curried Bowel Evacuator) and of course, knighthoods - Yes, I do mean...

*drum roll*

... The Odour of the Farter.

*DD enters and waits for EV to follow him*

I hope you picked up your blindfold on the way in.

At the moment there's just the two of us in here. If only ICQ hadn't just crashed on me.

But you fixed it now.

Hmmm. I wonder what these three are up to.

*sits down in a convenient place to watch*

*did I really just say that? Call the pun police*

*The door swings behind DD as he returns to the gents looking for EV*

A loo, a loo, a loo. Wot's going on 'ere then?

*DD would groan if he hadn't just left*

ROFL and no longer sitting in a convenient place.

Praise the Lord. Thank Dog for no typos in that last posting.

Now, Ms Ant, I have reason to believe that you are committing a crime, namely you have been caught in possession of a controlled Class A pun.

Have you anything to say for yourself? Anything you say may be taken down and sniggered at in secret.

Praise the Lord I don't do Sean Connery impersonations like the rest of the F&F congregation.

You can't make it stick. I flushed it down the loo.

*and be thankful that I'm still typing carefully*

LOL

Yes, it's the laughing policeman. All that time I spent in the sewer, I was wondering who would flush away Class A puns, now I know.

However as this is your first official offence, I'll let you off with a warning:-

"Never eat beans before scuba diving. This may result in a serious case of the bends."

(and I am still thankful about the typing)

*thinks about the beans and scuba suit*

*shudders in contemplation*

I'm off for a drink, so as the foolish scuba diver would say, "Bottoms up"

*Stubles into the ladies as the F&F is just too noisy on a Saturday night*

*pauses in the middle of applying lipstick to her mandibles*

Hello DD .

Hi Amy just had to escape the melle in there and you know the F& F ahs so few femaile clients that it's the only pub I know without a queue in the ladies.

Are you suggesting that Tinkerbell is not a lady?