h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*lets out low whimper* I'm not under the sofa, in fact I'm not here at all...I left hours ago, this is a voice recording... 24 hours, I can't do that, I'm a busy fairy! What happens if I don't comply... remember I have a fairy wand! *crawls further under cushions*

*As if by magic a dozen identical sofas appear*

That should keep him busy.

*muffled thankyou* If I was under this sofa which I'm not, then that would be a very kind gesture, thank you

I'm switching to a more laid back stones tune cos they're great!
Think I'll sit back and chill for this one, errrrm.... which sofa should I choose.



Menza! Is there mice in this hostlery?

Now Zaniroop, it's not very nice of you to yell at Tinkerbell for her opinion you said you were not going to be here so why can't she hear what she wants when you are out getting legless.

*runs and ducks under a table*

Hi Courtney! Haven't seen you for a while, come out from under that table and sit on a sofa, there's loads of them to choose from, though I think a few have rodents living in them.

I'm trying very hard not to be nasty to Tinkerbell, I'm even trying to help her do an entry on The Wombles, but she keeps provoking me into insane rages by mentioning certain bands!

*A very very very big and very very very scary looking cave lion comes in and takes Zarniroop by the scruff of the neck in his mouth and shakes.... walks out of the door, down the hall and into the street outside, where he drops Zarniroop in the gutter and growls loudly*

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! ROOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!! [stay there till you have learnt to curb your megolamaniacal tendencies towards other denizens of this public house and apologised to Tinkerbell about trying to deny her right to free speech!]

*Kitty then returns to the bar and rubs against Menza, hoping for a \_________/ of milk and some cake and maybe a nice tickle*

*walks over to a sofa and sits down* Nice Kitty

I just got back from a vacation in Vermont. It was so much fun. I didn't want to come back to reality.

Any chance I could get a . I can get it myself if no one minds.

*pours \_______/*

Here you go Kitty. I'll go rustle up some .

*sticks head out from under sofa cushion* Is the coast clear? Thanks Kitty, much apprecaited, milk will be provided on demand And thanks Courtney for defense, it's quite hard to be assertive when hiding under a cushion...

Whilst I'm here I might as well mention that I object to being labelled as a rodent or a rat or a mouse or any other form of small animal! And I would like to point out to Mr Z that I have not mentioned said band for ages...ish and you weren't here so stop being so mean to me!

*looks around* blimey there's a lot of sofas in here, how did Z have room to dance...maybe he's smaller than me, *contemplates emerging fully from hiding place and facing Zarniroop, decides against it and crawls back under a nice red cushion*

*appears briefly to leave a scratty bit of tissue with a drawing of a womble on it on Zarniroops chair*

If there's one thing I hate more than -
a) musicians
b) s**t bands
c) people who like s**t bands
d) people who disagree with me

it's cats!

Awwww sweet a picture of a womble!



I suppose the cat got me confused with the squeky things I kept hearing, bloody stupid animals that carry parasites around with them, just like musicians!

Hey Zaniroop just a suggestion but, if I was you I would not say ugly things about Kitty's who through you out the door and might try to eat you as a snack for such comments.

Here try combing you hair *hand Zaniroop a comb* you look like something the cat dragged in

Thanks courtney, but I haven't used a comb since about 1992! I got dreads innit!
And if that cat wants some...... I'll give it hair balls that it'll cough up from now 'til the end of the universe!

At the moment I'm working on applying for a research grant into the perpetual motion machine, and kitty might be able to help me! Any one got any butter?

The principle relies on the law requiring butter to land butter side down, and I believe it's a branch of the same laws of physics that make cats always land on their feet. Simply butter the back of the cat, elevate, and drop. So far my research hasn't been carried out above 5' and I need some cash for a ladder and a new pair of gloves!
Ændr? Do you think you could help, I remember you saying you were a physicst?

I hate to put a bug in your plan but...if your plan does not work who do you think can run faster? My money would go on Kitty.

Also I happen to be very fond of cats so I would have to become very unhappy and would hold you down and shave off your dreds.

Zarniroop, Kitty is my own dear sweet pet... he's also bigger than an elephant, so I'd be a bit careful round him and about making comments about him in front of me, or vice versa, if I were you.

*Climbs out from under the sofa were she has been sat on for the past 24 hours*

I've had enough of this, I am not prepared to be called a rodent, a ratty thing or anything else of a derogatory nature whilst hiding underneath a cushion! I do not have parasites, the womble was not intended to be sweet, and to you so there, now leave me alone you big bully because I happen to know that a certain Kitty is not going to be too happy when they return... oh yeah and "Shine Box" and "Sunburst" to you

*Spreads fishpaste over Zarniroops chair*
Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

*runs away very quickly - let it be known that I'm a fairy not a stupid fairy*

AAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Haha I am victorious...oh there's no one here to see, ah well I'll just listen to David Bowie then

Go TinkerBell *hands a drink to TB* congrats but just be careful remember last time we thought he was gone for a while.

You know I'll have to clean that sofa now, don't you.