h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm with NM on this one. There's no point having Democracy without corruption.

I don't think we should allow issues to get in the way of politics. Isn't that the job of the press?

As Tony Blair says "Corruption, Corruption, Corruption."

Errrrrm. I'm not very good with abbreviations. BTW, what does LOL mean (and I have a feeling it will be painfully obvious).

If I wasn't runnin', I'd have to vote for you, Merkin!

NM

HEHEHEHEHE!!...oh and LOL means *Laughs out Loud!* Vlad!
Thanx for all the stuff you guys are putting in here....very useful for the *dirt* pages
shazz

Not a problem. Sleaze is the life blood of electioneering. Look at Archer! By far the sleaziest of all the Tory candidates, and by far the most popular. That's not to say he won't be first up against the wall though.

I'd run myself if I wasn't Merkin's agent.

London's mayor had an agent called Vlad,
Whose rhymes were incessantly bad,
He threatened with stoats,
To fix all the votes,
For he was an evil young lad.

Merkin had an agent called Vlad
for which he's eternally glad
At persuasion he's t'riffic
with stoats he's prolific
It's a boon that he's really quite mad

There once was a candidate named Merkin,
Who's bustin' rhymes and our chains be jerkin,
He promised us much,
But ended up in a dutch,
And we find ourselves still to be workin!

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!

Il ne te confundant illegitemi, Merkin

...and get thee to the mall, Baron, for I am sharpening my assassinators.... oops, I mean ADVISORS.

I think a little memento mori from our ADVISORS is all that's required.

We'll have no trouble here...

Now THERES some dirt for you, Shazz! Merkin is threatening ASSASINATION, right here in a public forum! ASSASSINS! Right here on H2G2! See what politics does to even the most peaceful of places?

I sit here gazing upon the Amnesty International banner, and right below it is Merkin's ASSASSINS!

That's why, if elected, I'll make POLITICS illegal, and announce MYSELF as SUPREME RULER, Lord Protector of the Empire, and all that rot! At GREAT PERSONAL SACRIFICE, *I* will take the reigns of power in my hands, and lead London, and the rest of the world into a blissful era FREE of POLITICS, and the assassin's and whatnot who come along with it!

First, we'll shot all the politicians...

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Ut si! I think if you check the content of my speech, you will find that I never explicitly mention the word assassins. As Julius Caesar once said: "Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare." Though I do approve of your Imperialist sentiments Baron, I fear these stoats I have released into your underpants, will make such lofty posturings rather difficult for some time.

Have we got the results of the latest H2G2 poll, I wonder?

A mayoral contender named Merkin
Was found in the Pheasant and Firkin
His policy pledges
Were frayed round the edges
Thanks to hours of industrious shirkin'

Stoats? I wondered what was itching down there! Wonder if RID will get 'em?

As to the assassins- ha! You quote Ceasar, but look where all his trust got him? Eh? What? You see that bloody great Brutus, slapping him around like he was Popey before he discovered Spinachk?!!

Or was that "Et tu, Brutae?" somehow conviently FORGOTTEN in all your hurry to send "advisors" out? Eh? What?

We all know about "advisors"! Vietnam was up to it's EARS in american "advisors" until the 70's! And what did THEY do? Why run about the country with guns and such KILLING PEOPLE!

You've not got us fooled Merkin! The Daily Dirt will out you, just wait until Shazz get's home from work!

I would say "wakes up", but we KNOW she NEVER SLEEPS!

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket, and stoat-killers for your drawers!

WOW!! You guys are really going some in here!....and Latin to-boot
Don't worry Baron..I have extracted the relevant passages for viewing by the general public,and look forward to some interesting comments on same With regards to the matter of an opinion poll....I think that it's only fair to wait until the nominations have officially closed before embarking on such on enterprise(beam me up Scotty...I'm a doctor,not a spin doctor!)
shazz

Somehow I'm thinking that the more dirt you put out on a subject, the more likely that candidate is to be elected. Must the the "Clinton factor"- more scandal, higher ratings.....

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Excellent. We should both do rather well then!

Haaaa.

Shatturday's in no state to gloat,
With his Y-fronts chock full of stoats,
It may sound quite silly,
But I've heard that his chili,
Is made with the intestines of goats.

Merkins solubrious agent, Vlad