h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I, Merkin offer my services to the good people of London, to be their Mayor, beacon of hope, and general despot.

My main qualifications are:
1. I alliterate, Mayor Merkin, you see, trips off the tongue.
2. I live in London (not necessarily an advantage, but my PR team will be making the most of it)
3. I have no sense of "moral purpose", "third wayness", "Back to Basicsness", or any other moral standpoint

Policies:
1. Compulosory Limerick training for all under 5's
2. Compulsory conversation on the underground (MUCUS)
3. The filling of the Albert Hall with custard
4. Cockney Rhyming slang and Latin to be the official languages of the mayoral office
5. Bombay Duck to be returned to the Indian restaurants of the capital
6. I think that's enough for one term!

Promises:
Don't be silly, I'm a politician

Threats:
If you don't vote for me I'll:
1. Sulk
2. Join my revolutionary brothers and sisters in their struggle against the oppressive illegitimate mayoral system, demanding the formation of a Citizens Collective Council
3. Plant bombs everywhere

Are you sure you ain't Irish?

NM

Hmmmm!! Controversial!! Your application has been duly noted!Are you able to provide the press with a picture to go with the voice?I look forwards to a reply at your earliest convenience
shazz

I shall mail you a photo imminently.

I am only a little bit Irish (my great grandmother). I am mostly Danish, so am prone to pillaging monasteries .

Ok Merkin.Your publicity shot has arrived safely I must say that it is a very impressive piece of work!A smigdeon of Danish HUH....that sounds VERY interesting
shazz

We'll all vote for a mayoral Merkin,
Come out from where you've been lurkin'!
He needs our support,
The champagne has been bought,
And the buffet is furnished with Gherkins.

Tahnk you Vladimir for those kind words. Are you going to be my agent? Fingers in pies?
I have created an election office page:
http://www.h2g2.com/P180794

Shazz, give us a shout when my photos up. Ta mate.

Right, where's me soapbox...

Make Merkin your first choice for Mayor
As a civic force he won't betray ya
He gives out great vibes
and he's open to bribes
And his Vice used to be a soothsayer

Yeah, I'll be your agent.

There's many a dodgy digit been stuck in my pies.


I think you've got some fairly stiff competition from the look of the voting booths, but I'll see what I can do to whip up some support.

Not every Mayor has their own Limerick session, cult and Reality construct.

Merkin for Mayor so get voting,
His popularity just keeps on bloating,
He'll give you a Rhyme,
In lightning quick time,
And do it all without gloating

Ok Merkin Your pic is on it's way up as I message.....well,it's going in tonight anyway Love the limericks btw ......and how inspirational of you to set up your own site! I trust that it will help in your campaign.Luckily the latest candidate is not standing for virtual Mayor...Lord Archer is taking this more seriously LOL
shazz

What I want to know is how does this Merkin fellow stand on the ISSUES? Howabout flourescent pink bobbies? What about CHILI? Howabout GOLDFISH CURRENCY??!! These things DEMAND ANSWERS, or at least another pint!

da Baron
A goldfish in every pocket!

Issues?.....You mean there are issues in this race!?
I don't stand on issues.......bribery and corruption are MUCH more important!

NM

OOPS NM...I think that you have goofed there!
shazz

Well, well, well! Well, welly-well, well! It seems Mr. NM is a tory! Smacks of partisian politics to me! All so very old-school, and such!

da Baron
"A goldfish in every pocket"

Having just heard the proposed agenda for the tory party,I'm inclined to agree with you Baron!!
shazz

I know nothing of Tory...Republican...Democrat...Whigs....(oh yeah...Whigs died out a while back!)

I affiliate with NO party.....I am only out for the greater good.....the greater good of NM! If it helps you to help me, it works! If it helps me to help you, that works too!

NM

Cor blimey guv!! I don't know if the Londoners will go for that!
shazz

To quote the Dudemeister...."Politics is politics"


London doesn't go for greed?....How odd!! I suppose I must be too use to U.S. politicos!(and the U.S. voting public!)

NM

Nope....greed is good for Londoners! It's your pontification that they would find hard to swallow!!
shazz

There once was a mayor called Merkin,
Whose duties he never was shirkin'
The cockneys were chuffed,
That he never rebuffed,
Their demand for rhymes that kept workin'

LOL!!
shazz