h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Calibrate the Bettkrümelstaubsauger and set it to Hausfrau mode

Its not going to fall for the breadcrumbs again - try

Does anyone have access to panda screws?

I've heard there may have been some in Edinburgh the other week, but nobody I've asked seems sure.

Are you suggesting Scots do to what Kiwis do to ?

NZ?

Wellington(s)

In Wellington are the best suppliers of quadramatic sheep feet calibrators which are incredibly useful.

Have you seen a Kiwi? They would have a hard job threatening a chicken. they are unlikely to be abusing sheep.

As an aside, do you know that Kiwis have the shortest beaks of all bird species?

I knew that (thanks to Stephen Fry) but did you know they are descendants of the Tyrannosaurus Rex?

I didn't know that but I am grateful for the information. Next time a Kiwi says "My Dad can beat your Dad" I won't argue

Kiwis, ah yes, a bird and a fruit and a descendant of T Rex! Bet Marc Bolan's having a Trill moment somewhere.

I'm having trouble wallpapering a curved surface. Any suggestionss how to pattern-match? I can't decide between the Euler-trapezoidal and classical fourth-order Runge–Kutta methods.

Thanks guys - I'm counting on you!

need paper a bit like this...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goode_homolosine_projection ?

A curved surface, you say? Depends on what kind of curve, I'd say.

Are we by any chance into something hemispherical here? Because in that case the reversed Mercator projection would come in handy, I should think, yes?

Oops,

Oops again! I wasn't paying enough attention to your pattern problem

Polka dots might do it?

Projector methods would only paper over the cracks - you need elastomer paper, and the pattern should be applied afterwards using a Draper Gravity Feed HVLP Compsite Body Air Spray Gun.

I've always found the Mark VI Flanckrestaburg-Portriumtrisulphate powered Plasma-applicator Gorchit has done the trick for me in a situation like this;especially when there's no X in the month. Useful tip, they're actually giving one away free with every 15lb of artichokes bought from your local supermarket T---o until 3-15 this afternoon!

That's sorted then - probably the fastest solution to a problem in this thread ever

Anything else?

Got any good recipes for 15lb of artichokes?

Jerusalem or globe?

I do have a recipe but not one that will make them keep for more than a few minutes after they are done, so unless you invite a lot of people you'll be in a pickle

They are said to be very good for your liver, though