h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let's face it, we all do it at some point... call it what you will, botty burping, farting, passing wind, or as one rather polite colleague of mine describes it, having a "pluff"...

Incredibly versatile things though...

You're in a crowded room. You want some privacy. Let a silent one out...

Hey presto, you are alone.


Alternatively, you're in an empty room. People are in other rooms, but you feel alone.

Like magic, suddenly *everyone* wants to see something on the computer terminal just behind you. Okay, they may not want to talk to you, but at least you're not alone...

And come on, a good noisy one is guaranteed to make even the most boring person snigger... admit it.

Sitting in a crowded Doctor's Surgery and when it is your turn a loud parping noise comes from your rear and as you walk away lots of little parps follow you. Amazing but true.

Doctor's Surgery waiting rooms...

I was in one once, with the missus...

It was crowded.

And silent.

A young kid, about 6 or 7 was struggling to sit quietly - poor kid was bored out of his skull. He Parped, very loudly. His dad was NOT amused, and told him off. Kid tried not to giggle. Dad told him off more. Kid giggled more (why, in a silent room, are giggles amplified?).
Dad told him off more. Kid parped again.

I giggled.

Kid giggled.

Dad glared.

I giggled more.

The missus elbowed me in the ribs. Then giggled. Bloke opposite giggled. Kid giggled. Dad looked furious. Kid laughed. I giggled...

Within about a minute, the whole waiting room was giggling, the kid was in hysterics... Dad sat there, stone faced, furious.

*giggles*

I've just spent 5 mins laughing at this!

Love this story ...

Heard it years ago on a radio show about embarassing moments - and it was told by the father in question.

The man and his small son got into a lift (elevator) and were surprised to discover that they were sharing the ride with a rather famous political personage.

As the doors closed the three were alone and suddenly the lift filled with an offensive odour.

The father was embarassed and said to his son, "Whew son, did you just fart?"

"No Dad, it wasn't me" replied the boy.

The father was in a quandary - he couldn't accuse the famous personage and was left with no alternative but to stammer "Well, in that case, it must have been me."

Hi Cookie!

If that ever happens again, you should stop ... turn on your heels and say, very proudly:

"Sorry but I'm a vegetarian!!"

My kids who find anything windy highly amusing just do not believe that thiere mummy farts, if they only knew trhe truth!!!!!!!!!

and at what stage in life are you supposed to not find bottom burps funny, I do and I think I always will, especially when its their Mummy doing them.

A good friend of mine was in the local supermarket and couldn't help doing a small silent one whilst stood at the check out (in a very long queue!!), her 5 year girl piped up "mummy have you fluffed", my friend denied all knowledge of it whilst everyone sniggered behind her at which point her daughter loudly replied "but it does smell horrible like yours"
She left the shop very redfaced along with her daughter who was still insisting that it must be mummys smell!!

My boyfriend recently went over to his bedroom window, bent over, stuck his bottom out and farted... Through my doubled over laughter I managed to ask him in what way he thought that was more polite than just letting a wee one go and saying nothing, or just apologising.. he just shrugged and said as I'd bothered to do mine before I came in (in fairness, I did, right outside the front door), he thought he'd do his outside too... His sense of humour is at the same time so much mor subtle and yet obvious than mine!

I've been known to leave the room before letting a pant puff escape, usually to the consternation of whoever is about.

I was once chatting on webcam, when this really deep noise could be heard over the headphones.

My friend said.. 'excuse me' and left the pc. He came back saying 'It's a low flying hercules'.

A little while later, there was another deep noise.. I said, 'I heard that!'

'Better out, than in' said my friend...

'Oh!' says I..

'I thought it was the low flying hercules coming back!'

leaving the room is fine (though I find I have to hold it and it goes away, uncomfortably, or let it go there and then) but bending over and leaning your rear out of a first floor window??? Not quite the subtle polite opton...



Do you ever find yourself trying to politely remove yourself from polite company only to be followed by someone who wants to chat and wont let you be alone? That person is often me, I find it amusing, i know who of my friends like to slip out to 'fluff'... And I like to watch their faces as they try to hold it in and be polite. Personally, though it does depend on circumstances, will get on with it, or go to the loo. But I rather enjoy a good belch too. I'm no lady, unless I need to be for a limited period!

Someone asked the question at what age is farting not funny? Well I hope never, I am a and I find farting very funny.

I think it is because like the father in the doctor's surgery some people think it is rude to fart, or blow off as my dear old mum used to call it.

I learned long ago that wherever you be let the wind go free.

I like the vegetarian excuse, but I was soo embarassed I couldn't get away fast enough and of course the quicker I went the more parps could be heard.

To make my days extra merry and bright my husband has been given diabetes medication and the doctor told him they would give him flatulence, sooooooo he thinks the louder and longer the better. I await the day it isn't just a fluff of wind.

If you are easily embarassed by farts then it is a good ploy to have a dog to blame.

"Fluff" and "Pharb" are new word to me ... is it a new word in England?

I don't use the word "fart", inspite of living here in Germany (fahrt) spoken the same. I remember the school children laughing at that in the German lessons. I've got kids and (probably because my grandfather was a clergyman) I prefer the word "Blow off" which is not terribly accurate!!

How many different words are there for "blowing off"? Or do I need to start my own thread??

Pump
Let rip
Guff
S.B.D
Botty cough
Squeeze the cheese... Probably hundreds.

I loosed a behemoth in town the other day. It was so loud some kids in a passing car turned to look.

Certainly I've used or had used around me:

Fluff
Guff
Parp
let one go
let one off
botty burp
let it rip
cut the cheese
fart

I think that's roughly it, really...

Guff reminds me of my secondary school for some strange reason

What does S.B.D, stand for? Or will it get censored??

Silent But Deadly.