h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ahhh. Good to be back.

and now a genuine use of the smiley!!
Good to have you back.
birdbaths, white spirit...feels good to flex the imaginative muscles again doesn't it? I take it you got the e-mails? I was afraid you'd miss the start of ST III.
Not going to badly is it? Two brand new characters to mix things up. I have a very good feeling about this.

< We need a theme song for right at that moment! >

< Oh... and wouldn't it seem more interesting if the start of this Storytime blended into the cliffhanger from II?

Namely X and Arthur getting around to comunicating with Guy 'out of breath' and discovering lots of things etc. etc.? >

<"From Prussia with Love
A drink or two

Goat Herders and plots,
And frozen Loo's!"

...something...something... I've run out of ideas>

Yes. but I'd rather hold off for a while yet for the following reason:

In so far as I have an notion of a 'plot' for this I'm hoping to focus on Arhtur and X solely at the start. This being the time running pararllel with the events occuring in h2g2 storytime II since Arthur and X left the hospital at the start in fact - Guy didn;t conact them till the end. (In fact I deliberately inserted that scene to give us a link to this story I knew we would end up writing. )

So *eventually* I hope to have develop things far enough towards some conspiracy regarding the "dying pilchard" to have them fleeing something terrible or maybe completly benign - you never know with these two - that we can do a cross over with Guy contacting them and the feed cutting out - and then see where things can develop from there. I am very keen on setting these tories in the same univrse as it were - but , speaking personally, I'd rather not rush the link to quickly...let in simmer for a bit.

I do also have designs on re-introducing Annabel and a sub-plot involving Red leicester and Tim...but these are very loose general ideas - that I hope to fit into whatever state the story has reached at an apporopriate juncture. Set-pieces sort of. Right now I'd rather see where we can take the Daltmooreby / Anderi connection.

Which frankly I'm loving 'cos this is what I enjoy so much about this project' is you can't really control what other people write - so *I* would never have thought to introduce Daltmooreby or Andrei - therefore taking other people's ideas expanding them - having to write in line with what other people introduce means you can't really plan what coems next but only react which leands a whole different feel to setting the plot. (F'rinstence Rasputin last time was entirely Legion's creation - somethign for which I am eternally grateful since I was struggling to see how Leicester could be worked back into the plot but by bringing in that whole supernatural element - resurrecting him from Hell wasn't a problem - and in fact led to some of my favourite scenes of all!!)

If you want to know more try reading through F74129?thread=164772 from post 65 - 71, 104 - 111 - if you want to see some of the things me and legion discussed when I was coding up the last storytime to be published in the post...

F74129?thread=308254 - and posts 6- 8 in this thread. where we brainstormed a few more developed notions.

Nothing set in stone just ideas I really want to work in, but Later not now.

and since I'm feeling creative....



"Heroes do not just work alone.
Their bond is a friendship 'till death.
These Agents are fearless and noble
They'll fight until their last bre-e-e-ath!

They confront Dictators! Assassins! and Tyrants!
and then only the worst of the bunch!
Evil doers beware! They're amazing!
They'll save the world and then stop for lunch!

The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise...Mo-o-o-o-o-onn!!

And who cares if we don't understand them?
- It's probably all for the b-e-e-sst.
They are a breed apart - mayhem is their art
as they face now their ultimate t-e-e-sst

The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise Mo-o-o-onn!
The Turquoise...Mo-o-o-o-o-onn!!

'This is reeeally not going to look good if someone were to walk in right now...' X said to himself before taking a step back to see what progress he had made with the spirit.

Arthur began to rouse.

'I've got good news and bad news...' said X while Arthur lifted himself up. 'The good news is that you're wearing clothes and I managed to get most of the paint off...'

'And the bad?' asked Arthur, holding his head. He hadn't completely heard what X had said.

'Well... I can't take the paint off your eyelids for health reasons.' X waved the spirit. 'Irritant you see.'

As they entered the bar from the stairs, the hubbub quieted for a moment, then returned to its former level. The two Agents, X smirking slightly and Arthur holding his eyes open with fierce concentration, threaded their way to the bar.

"You break anything, you pie for it," said the barman suspiciously.
"No, no, everything is in order," said X reassuringly. "Trust us. We're...civil servants."
He slapped a banknote down on the bar in front of Arthur, and his partner twitched and started to sweat a little. Eyes *open*...
"I was thinking this. The way you are dressing, yes. Work for government. The pay, she is not too good?"
X stopped waving his hand in front of the grimacing Arthur, and frowned for a moment.
"Well. That's beside the point. We have some questions for you...don't we, Arthur?"
"'Es..." growled the Agent, his eyeballs beginning to feel like hot marbles. Eyes *open*...
"Good, yes. But first you will try our local Swiss special drink?"
"And what is that?" said Arthur, his face a rictus of concentration.
The barman shoved a small glass into his face.
"Garlic vodka..."
Arthur's eyes revolted against his brain and clamped firmly shut, revealing the blue paint for all to see. The barman chuckled.
"Is this, you are some kind of dancing girl? With the, the mascara?" His monobrow curled upwards and he gave a belly laugh.
Other patrons saw now, and there were demonstrations of that sophisticated humour known in rural districts all over the world.

"Ho, Liebling! Hahaha! You look like a Frau! Hahaha!"
"He is painted as though he were a woman! Hahaha!"
"Hahaha! Go bake me a Schwarzwalderkirchtorte, woman!"
"Hahaha!"

Arthur's hands twitched in fury, and he gave a low growl.
"If my strong moral upbringing didn't prevent me from using my training for personal ends..."
X laid a hand on his partner's shoulder, stifled his mirth and whispered.
"Focus, old friend. Don't let the fact that you now look like a painted panda cloud your vision."
Arthur shook his shoulders, swallowed hard and turned back to the barman.
"Ahem. We had some questions. About some of your patrons. Your assistance would be appreciated. Any reluctance to help in our enquiries, however..."
The barman looked in his eyes, and the humour drained out of his body. "Y-yes?"
"...wouldn't."
Spreading his arms wide, the barman smiled nervously.
"I like you. I will help you. Yes yes."
Arthur smiled viciously, and leaned forward on the bar.
"I thought you'd say that. First question..."
He took gentle hold of the barman's collar, pulled him closer and whispered:
"...would you, in this building, have anything resembling a make-up set?"

X thought.
'There's something not right about this place... It's position... The 'to let'... The way the barman changes accent every so often... And now there's two guys gambling
on a game of rock, paper, scissors...'

He moved away from Arthur questioning and toward the table where the game was on.

'Ha' you trrried to achtually wash tha paint off?' asked the barman.

'With the water in this place?!' exclaimed Arthur. 'I'd have to scrape the paint off that way.'

The barman reached under the bar and passed a small paint-by-numbers kit.

'Tha's tha best we got. Only the rrred's missin'. Will tha' be a prrroblem?'

Arthur scowled and went back upstairs to find what could be considered a bathroom.

< Apologies from writing at length but I'm wating for inspirat'ion.

How long did this Storytime thing take last time? >

oooooh long time...we just kept going till we felt we could bring it to a satisfactory conclusion.

< Ah. *waits for someone to write something* >

I would but I didn't get to sleep until 5am last night so I'm going to bed NOW.



Laters.

That's what you said yesterday...

Five hours later, after Arthur's eyes were now a beetroot colour, patched with small bits of blue, after trying to scratch off the blue colouring, they decided they had better give their thanks to the bar man and leave. They also appologised to poor old codger in the corner whom Arthur had hit after he had gotten slightly confused and tried to kiss him.

They made their way out and tried to find their tube. However after 20 minutes trying to find the tube again, they discovered that it was now missing. And so they had to find alternative means of transport.

Thankfully, the kind Bar man was very accomodating, in letting them borrow his car. They reservedly thanked the Bar Man as they looked upon the "vehicle".

They grumbled as they got in to what in the loosest meaning of the word could be called a motor car. A Larda.

They put on false smiles, waved back, and grumbled some unprintable words and they were off again in search of the next nearest village on the map.

'Who would steal the Tube? Who *could* Steal the Tube? I thought it was supposed to have state of the art security.', complained X.

'It could only have been Daltmooreby and Andrei Sreka.', spat Arthur recalling memories of what they had done to him.

Arhutr reminissed...

"I was in Prague...it was let's see...fourteen..fifteen years ago now. It was a covert survey job at the Ambassador's Reception...you know the sort: all leggy blondes in cockatil dresses and pearls, the men in dinner jackets, sashes - and that little tray of chocolates being passed round..."

X nodded in the affirmative

Actually, although we were there for security reasons we also suspected the Ambassador had been lining his pockets with gold bullion negotiated from the mafia in return for a ...shall we say lax police policy against smuggling. Now while the Amassador didn't have any direct control himself - he did have influence. and that was what the mobs were buying."

X sniffed in a morally dissaproving way.

"I was cleared to run a seperate mission to break into the mansion pose as one of the guests and plant a bug on his computer that would allow the tech boys back at the agency to track his financial dealings.

I made sure everything was set up kay with the surveilance group on the roof and then I made my way down the fire-escape..deactivated the security system and broke open the lock.

Inside, I was in the attic part of the mansion..I'd memorised the lay-out of the mansion beneath me so I knew precisely where I was - above the staff corridor that lead down to the kitchens. I follows the outer wall along till I reached the otherside of the mansion took 3 steps in diagnonally and plied up a floorboard.

I was then above the Ambassadors private study. I secured a rope to a beam in the roof and lowered myself down. I'd just finished connecting up the surveelence bug when the door opened - it was Andrei Sreka!

...



I'm from the U.K - but I was up late trying to write an essay for uni and it screwed up my body clock something awful.

< All of us are British born and bred in this convo aren't we? >

'I didn't have time to pull myself up. Got half way and the rope stalled leaving me spinning in the middle the room...

'Sreka walked right under me and to the computer. Then he whipped out a disk and started hacking into the system.

'I thought I'd be able to get back into the attic then he said: "You spiez never do anythink ze eazy vay, do you?"

'Then somebody else walked in... It was the Ambassodor! At least that's what I thought. Sreka didn't react but merely turned to face him and passed the disk on... I couldn't believe it...
'The Ambassador hit the alarm switch before pulling a little gun out of his belt which fired a wire up into the hole I'd made then he and Sreka slid up it and away leaving me hanging there while I heard the guards approaching...

'The two disappeared but then I heard the Ambassador shout down "Sorry to leave you hanging around but we have to chute off now!"

'There's only one man who has ever had that bad a pun. It could only have ever been Daltmooreby!'

The car backfired, which caused Arthur and X jump forwards in their seats. When the car seemed to be behaving itself again Arthur continued.

'Anyway, after several hours of police interrogation, my colleagues obviously decided to completely deny that I had any association with me, as per common practise. I know all us spies know what we're in for when we get caught, but you don't actually realise what that actually means until it happens for real. I was on my own.'