h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

< Eh? >

< ????? >

<... Ah the return of the no words posts! Arghh! Whats bothering you?>

< The last two posts of yours were too vague for me to understand.









.......>

The car backfired, which caused Arthur and X jump forwards in their seats. When the car seemed to be behaving itself again Arthur continued.

'Anyway, after several hours of police interrogation, my colleagues obviously decided to completely deny that I had any association with me, as per common practise. I know all us spies know what we're in for when we get caught, but you don't actually realise what that actually means until it happens for real. I was on my own.'

X looked straight ahead ignoring the uncomfortable subject of leaving another spy to look after themselves.

'Well the first thing I had to do was escape. Which was surprisingly easy since I had a minature poisoned dart kit in a false tooth. So I knocked out the guard when they came to move me to another cell. After I got out of the building, wearing the police officers uniform.'

'I then well kind of had to clear my name, and at the same time track down Andrei somehow capture him.'

X now was beginning to feel like a nodding dog. Partly because of the requirement to constantly nod his during the conversation, but mostly because the car was frankly not the smoothest driver he had ever been in.

'So how did you do it?', enquired Andrei.

'Well, the fact I ended up blue was not completely insignificant. I kind of accidently drove a 100 ton truck containing blue dye in to his Casino.'

'How did you manage to do that?!', enquired X, startled.

'Well... its kind of a long story, but the crux of it was that I was trying to escape from the maraudering Elephant gang.'

X was getting more and more confused. 'The Elephant gang?'.

'Yes. The people whom the blue dye was for.'

X just gave up, stuck a bemused look on his face, and started nodding again.

'Anyway, by crashing in to the Casino, it kind of destroyed most Andrei's crime syndicate, and by the time Andrei had recovered in hospital he was under arrest, and I was welcomed back in to the secret service with open arms. He was a bit miffed how the truck ran over his father though, and permanently covered his girlfriend in blue dye...'

'Well one would...', nodded X.

Just then Arthur swerved to avoid a young blond haired woman in the middle of the road, and the car fell in to a small ditch at the side of the road.

As per usual in any narrative scenario, the car's bonnet set alight.

Arthur and X escaped the car and ran in the direction of the young woman. Both lept to shield her from the inevitable with the car but ended up looking like a two-man gore throwing X, Arthur and the blonde into the road's opposing ditch with a muddy splat.

The two spies' heads appeared to watch an explosion that didn't come.
Instead the front of the car hissed steam then the whole body collapsed.

A wheel rolled down the road.

"Excuse me!" said the young blonde lady, a tad irrately.

"oh I'm sorry!" said X trying to extract her from the ditch as the mud made a determined effort to relieve him of his left shoe.

As X clambered out of the hole, Arthur surveyed the landscape - he hadn't really been paying attention to what direction they'd been travelling in - and X's navigational skills were ...well dismal just doesn't do it justice.

Behind the ditch a small bedraggled tree leaned over them mournfully.
The sky's had been greying all day and it started to spit with rain.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name?" Arthur asked, snapping back to composure.

"That's because I didn't give it." said the woman, clearly in a mood to dish vengence out on somebody - and to Arthur's great relief she chose X.

"What did you have to go and do that for?!?"

"Do what?" X replied with disarming nievity.

"You tried to kill me!" she bristled.

X was agog. "I assure you we did no such thing."

"All I did was stick out my thumb trying to hitch a lift to Lauterbrunnen" - she pointed past to the horizon - and nestled betwen two sheer cliffs of forest topped stone, lights were beginning to shine out in the sodden twilight of a rain-soaked dusk.
"You slowed down like you were going to stop and then you swerved and I had to jump in this ditch. - I think I broke a heel!"

While this berating roared on in the background, Arthur was lost in contemplation staring as the last on the suns rays illuminated the waterfalls that evaporated into cloud half-way up the mountain's edge. "we'll take you" he heard himself say before realising he had.

"I mean: We'll take you."

"We will?" X asked, surprised. "I mean: We will, yes....er...eh?." and grinned sheepishly.

Having finished savaging X, "that's very kind of you," said the young lady who still hadn't introduced herself, and knew it. "But I'll make my own way." and, pulling her shawl around her started walking down the hill into the vallley.
After a few steps she looked back over her shoulder at Arthur - "of course you welcome to follow me." and smiled.

Arthur was floored.
"Very unprofessional" he muttered and set off after the mystery blonde.

X was very confused. He picked himself off of the road - gave a regretful look at the lada carcass laying on it's side and set off after his partner.

ack missread that completely...I meant

"why'd you go and drag me into that ditch?"...

"to save you from the impending explosion." ....


"what explosion?"


"It's still impending " X admited weakly as the lada wheezed an unhelpful death rattle from it's broken radiator

< I agree - I do love doing these althouhg another researcher called Knifee started it, I just contibuted but kept a copy on my hard drive - when h2g2 was switched off so the management could negotiate with the beeb - everything got dumped into retrospective moderation - and being quite a long forum it too a LONG time to reappear. So muggins here had the only workable copy and have since become it's defacto guardian. Funny really.

I usually do the cast list thing at the end since in what the past 20 posts we've already introduced three new characters and we don't know that much about them yet. - but if you really want me to.>

<" wonder what Arthrur and X are going to find in Lauterbrunnen - apart from in Arthur's case. "

Well I do have some strange ideas involving an obsessed Marc Hottiger (former Everton and Newcastle defender from Switzerland, who was awful) fan club, who will not hear a bad word said against him. They spend all their time rewatching his greatest moments on TV in a secret bar. Of course Arthur and X would have no idea who Marc Hottiger is, which would be blasphemy of some description to them...

Thats just one idea though. The mysterious blonde haired woman is an interesting character>