h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*whispers* Hitler was a vegetarian*/*

...well he was also a hypocrite...besides...it says so in this book...coincidentally...it also says that hitler was a communist...

Hitler was alive at some point! YOu don't want to be like Hitler do you?

*arrives in a somewhat random fashion*

Do you know if the Bar serves food?

Is that a rack?

Thumbscrews?

Where the heck am I?

...lets see...
If you want to call it that, yes...It could be...I believe so...and you are right there...

*strolls in still whistling in the dark*

Oh hello, have you come to test out some things? As Head of Inquisition I've got some lovely new techniques I wanted to try out...oh and yes the bar does sell food...it's very good actually.

*the door slams shut with a bang, which is odd since you never saw it open, a credit to the stealth of whoever just left*

*Sits on the ege of a table*

Shucks...nobody ever wants to visit me here...can't imagine why.

...if the person who just left was so stealthy...why did the door bang... TAPE RECORDERS!!!!

*comes up and whispers in Supermoo's ear* I wasn't there when it banged, I can't stop it from banging. *the great door bangs again and MOWoS is nowhere to be seen*

...THE TAPE RECORDERS ARE CHASING ME!!!

*stamps on a tape recorder without apparently arriving, door bangs and MOWoS is nowhere to be seen*

*AFGNCAAP* arrives, sent in for yawning, yaws and falls asleep on trained mattress that he has just summoned

*kicks the mattress, it knocks AFGNCAPP off, a sudden air current and MOWoS is nowhere to be seen when suddenly the door creaks and bang shut*

*AFGNCAAP is slightly miffed at this, and summons SILVER MATTRESS!*

*a glass vial is spotted on a table as the door once more creaks shut, Silver Matress begins to dissolve quickly, leaving AFGNCAAP thudding onto the floor*

*AFGNCAAP deems this to be the right moment to introduce himself.*

Hi! I'm AFGNCAAP. It's short for Ageless Faceless Gender Neutral Culturally Ambigious Adventure Person. Didn't I see you at the bar and grill? (You evil mattress kicker)

YOU TAPE RECORDERS!!!!...I'LL GET YOU...I'LL MAKE IT SO YOU'LL NEVER PLAY AGAIN!!!!...I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE HIDDING!!!...
*takes out his handy sledge and charges at the door...*
*starts slaming the door with the sledge*

*a window is seen to be open*

What are you doing, Supermoo?

*stops pummeling the door*
killing the tape recorders...
*resumes his pummeling...*