h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK, so where do I begin? I suppose the womb would be as good as any place. Born 4 weeks early with a severe heart condition, I should really have died at birth (luckily I'm still going strong at 19). But by my 3rd birthday the doctors decided that perhaps they should at least try and correct it, which fortunately they did.

All went well (with the exception of the odd bruise and scratch inflicted by my younger brother) until I was about 7, when I decided to freewheel on the bike of a friend down a steep hill. Needless to say I fell off, snapping my right arm in two just below the shoulder. Later that same day a particularly nasty young boy broke my brother's arm in two doing some mock kung-fu. So my poor parents, as well as being harassed to death by the idiocy of their two children, were investigated by Social Services on suspicion of child cruelty.

The next winter I fell on my grandpa's drive and fractured my left wrist trying to save myself. I should have learned not to try and break my fall, but a few years later, on my dream holiday to Disneyworld I slipped in the bathroom and did the same thing to my right wrist. A few months after this particular event, I found myself in the office of a very nice paediatrician, who told my parents that no, I didn't have brittle bone disease. I was just very very unlucky.

For the next 8 years I managed to stay out of the A&E, until I went on a bike ride with my (now ex-) boyfriend. As I was mounting the bike next to a canal in Lancashire my left knee-cap suddenly discovered a thirst for exploration. So off it went around the other side of my leg. They say that the two most painful places to injure yourself are your knees and abdomen. I can't (thankfully; touch wood) account for the abdomen, but the knees I can. I've been in pain before; when I was a child having the hiccups was excruciating. But nothing ever came close to dislocating my kneecap. I was put on the highest dose of morphine AND gas and air so that they could put it back, because I told the nurse in all seriousness that if anyone came near me I'd kill them.

Since the physiotherapy stopped I've been great. I just hope it lasts!

I can vouch for the knee deal. My knees used to slide out and then back in. The pain was indescribable and if anyone came rushing in to help me they were likely to be severely yelled at and punched if they tried to touch my knees.

When I went to see the surgeon to get them fixed I would not let him touch them either. He had to determine what was wrong from the x-rays and arthroscopies.

Cheers
Gecko

Sounds about right. You have my full sympathy.

I experience both knee and abdominal pain. When I was 8 I was run over, my left knee took most of the impact and shattered. The doctors reassembled as much as possible but this has left my with a smaller than usual and oddly shaped kneecap that can, on occasions, twist. This is the strangest feeling in the world but not exactly painful. I also suffer from abdominal migranes which cause intense muscular pain in my abdomen and groin and can last for a whole day. If I haven't got painkillers these will stop me instantly - I'd much rather have the knee pain

That sounds really painful. I guess a constant supply of painkillers is in order?

BTW, the words 'Honest' and 'Iago' are mutually exclusive!

Clairybell

The other day, my wife was sitting on the hammock in the backyard reading to our children. I came over, sat on the hammock, and bang the branch broke. It was very painful. You wouldn't think that falling from such a short distance is painful but we were rolling on the ground in agony (Our kids didn't know what to think). I had a bruised tail bone and we were both taking pain killers for a couple weeks. I think a hammock must act like a slingshot. Your weight is counteracted by the tension of the ropes and if something breaks you are hurled with extraordinary force toward the ground. A pain in the rear for sure.

That sounds like my knees. I described it as sort of like when you pop a knuckle in your fingers but more intense.
Mine started out not hurting but as the cartlige was worn away and I was grinding bone it became really painful.

I get migraines and they will send me to bed for a day even with painkillers.

Cheers
Gecko

Surprisingly not. The abdominal migranes only occur when I'm stressed or when I eat certain trigger foods and I'm used to the pain in my knee now. Honest and Iago aren't mutally exclusive, in Othello Iago very rarely lies, he insinuates and gives bad advice but most what he says is factually true. Anyway it sounds cool