h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... chartering accountants and sailing on the wide accountancy, whilst everyone wos wondering how good an accountant a killer mutant space badger would make.....

. . . were left shocked by how ficially responsible he was. He spent his hard earned profits on . . .

...be run over by the 10.30 to Buckenham!

'Oh no,' said the evil gnoms, 'there goes our plan!' and they sent Billie after it, because he was the smallest so they always made him do stuff. 'Listen,' they told him, 'someone mixed up some threads here. Go get him and make a banana out of him'.

Off went Billie on his desperate mission; unfortunately, he forgot to tune his hearing aid, so he went to...

(Sorry, missed the page! Just pretend this fits the previous post somehow, alright?)

. . . Barnsley, where he got mugged by masked attackers that were carrying . . .

. . . large vicious looking German sausages!! They waved the sausages wildly, and accidentally killed a passing . . .

...un-named local celebrity, not named due to ...

... him fearing he would be mocked for all eternity, due to his very silly hat and pink ipod, which he kept . . .

poking people in the eye with. It was the blood which gushed forth which had made his iPod...

. . . cry, due to the fact it was slowly being digested by . . .

. . . a rhino which was in Barnsley to attend a Cliff Richard concert. Unfortunatly, when he got to the ticket desk he found out that it was sold out, and in a fit of rage he . . .

followed through and had to, quickly, find a clothing store to get a new pair...

. . . of xxxl-special-rhino-size boxing gloves so that he could maul the ticket booth attendant. Unfortunately for the rhino, the attendant was armed with . . .

... the traffic cone of doom which he had previously obtained from ...

The 7-11 down the road as they'd run out of gum. When he returned...

. . . his house had been destroyed in a freak yachting accident. he decided to . . .

.... initially beat jimbob with a big stick for ignoring all his emails and then, returning to the matter at hand .....

[oi! mike, be nice to me or i'll run away!!!]

...he fell into a vat of custard, which was already inhabited by 4 italian priests, who waved their...

...loofahs angrily and told him not to disturb their bath or else...

...they would summon up the wrath of the awesome, powerful and, in fact, almighty JELLYFISH GOD(!!!) with his many wafting tentacles, who would...