h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

the police station, then quickly took the coke with them to the...

sniffer dog, who is a junkie. However when they opened the bag they discovered it wasn't the drugs, but was instead

old laundry, which at that stage had developed a free will and therefore tried to escape. The dog chased it, but was quickly out of breath, so the officer had to go to the corner shop to buy some new breath before the chase could be continued. The laundry had been hiding on top of the refrigerator all that time, pretending to be a parrot, and once the officer and the dog were gone it quickly took over the armoury and made off to

liberate the cloths from the hamper. As the laundry aproached...

...it was surprised to be intercepted by an 5 year old with sticky fingers and melting chocolate. Trembling in terror of the mess that would be made of its dazzling whites it...

foolishly agreed to swap one box of it's special biological powder for two big boxes of an ordinary brand. By the time it realised it's mistake it...

It had been sucked into a washing machine to be washed with second rate powder, and to its horror in the washing maching with it was

what used to be a tennis ball, before the junky sniffing-dog had chewed it to death. Terrified of being in the same place with a dead tennis ball - as it is a known fact that they bring bad luck, especially when washed with second rate powder - the laundry gave a giant leap, and landed

the lunar module in the middle of a soccer game between the pyschiatrists against silly things and a bentwood hatstand. The hatstand was winning due to a large number of own goals by the pyschaitrists who were trying to build the self-esteem of their goals. The laundry, realising its mistake, quickly launched

into a solo rendition of I've Got You Babe. Every one was so impressed that the gave the laundry

A very large creamy soda. The laundry polietly turned the offer down, saying it was trying to cut down on tis liquid intake. This made everyone so mad they all started to

. . . beat it like in piñata. Loose change began to fall out of the laundry, and a very stupid fat child began to eat it thinking that it was chocolate. This caused him to . . .

jingle when he walked. "It's the real thing, the difference between butter and margarine", he sang. Meanwhile just out of sight the laundry conspired

with the former Soviet leaders in a plot to take over the world. The laundry agreed that the new Soviet Union could take Europe and North America, while the Soviets agreed that the laundry could take

a hike. The laundry was greatly offended by this and decided to...

contact the penguin underground movement to enlist in their plan to take over the world by mentally enslaving professional tennis players who presented historical documentaries. The penguins were glad of the alliance and the plan seems to be working until the penguins started roosting on top of televisions and exploding. The laundry felt washed out, its desire for world domination appeared hopeless. It went into seclusion in a exclusive health spa and started

doing cross word puzzles and anagrams. He met a dude by the name of...

yellow-hair-dryer-man, and the too of them began an elicit affair which ended three years later when they were arrested for cooking an omlette on a non-stick frying pan. Upon its release, the laundry

formally announced to dozens of television cameras that it is going to retire and spend some time with its family, and disappeared into the nearest laundromat, never to be seen again.
Or that is what everybody though, anyway, but the rest of the laundry's adventures will be told only later, because now we move on to Yellow-hair-drier-man, that is sitting at a kitchen table and staring at the ceiling. It might seem like he is just bored, and you may be wondering why we bothered to bring him back into the picture at all, but the truth is that something very very exciting and unexpected is about to happen, because on the ceiling is

a rapidly growing damp patch which signifies soon he will remember he left the bath running. Where it was running to however is unclear since