h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Lt] KL, WHERE????

~a couple feet below on the surface~

[Yo] Good Day Affy



~Back on the Da'Kaja~


[Yo hailing the Millenium Bug] Minos, what are you doing aboard an enemy vessel? Wait a minute-
sheilds up and warm upthe weapons, this could be a trap
You know, Affy sure was friendly this time. Didn't try to kill me with his freeze thingy or a grape or anything else right away. Makes me kind of curious actually...

*Yar finds himself in yet another room that looks exactly like the previous two*

*KL grabs the microphone roughly*

KL-What am I doing aboard an enemy vessel? Well, it's complicated....but as far as I can gather, I was stranded on the opposite side of the Galaxy by FACE. And according to what FACE told me, that happened because STUMPED was unable to WIN A SCAVENGER HUNT THAT COULD'VE FOREVER CONQUERED EARTH FOR US HAD WE BEEN SUCCESFUL!

So I'm hitchhiking. And I ran into YK. Almost met with NYC and The Corrupt One a while back, but they vanished without a trace before anything could come of it. Oh, and until I met with this fellow named Burford Solo, my only travelling companion was the most idiotic robot in the whole of creation.

Needless to say, when I get back to Earth I'll be having a very stern....talk....with all STUMPED agents. Oh, and I'm not sure that we're dealing with the real Affy Person. YK claims that he's trying to either conquer or destroy the Universe, hence his presence as a hero. Burford, meanwhile, is trying to steal a Tantalus ray from him.

I think that should pretty much catch you up with what I know. Oh, and there's a definite video game theme, I've noticed that.

*AA5, meanwhile, has made his way back to the ship that he stole from the Grand Repository Of Knowledge with the Chaos Emerald in hand. He puts the emerald into its receptacle and smiles as the gun hums to life. He attaches the gun to the ship's exterior weapons' array. He boards it, and sends a message to Kalia, wherever she is*

AA5-Kalia, I have the emerald. I need you back at the ship now. It's time to begin our game of terror. But since I was spotted, I believe that we'll need to take one final....detour before we can actually being excavation.

*So saying, AA5 runs over to the box of materials that he salvaged from his labs when CHOPPERS and NYC nearly destroyed his operation at the Grand Conservatory Of Knowledge. He can't help but smile as he opens a small crate of blue orbs. He begins whistling cheerfully as he loads the orbs into one of the launching units*

AA5-Let's see 'em follow me now. Game Over in Andy Asteroids....

[Yo] Ahh, yeah, well..... scavenger hunt, yeah.... so- Are we supposed to eliminate this Affy kinda not Affy guy or are you just chasing him around for exercise? I talked to him and he did seem a bit odd, gave you a compliment and all. He also picked up some sort of emerald down on the surface if that has any relevance to this Tantalus ray.

[Joseph] Looks like this is gonna be one of those days ... ugh ...

[Elbert] Tell me about it.

[Yar begins humming the dungeon theme from Phantasy Star, and heads North.]

*Looks pretty much the same, except for the closed hatch on the floor and the ladder leading up to the closed hatch on the ceiling*

Voice-Pretty quick....

[Yar taps various items on his belt with his disarmed lightsaber, producing the harmony as he continues humming the same themesong.]

>OPEN HATCH, DOWN

Parser-I only understood you as far as wanting to tell the hatch to go down.

*Burford grabs the mike back from KL and gives him a dirty look.*

Burford: Oreo, what's the status of our Tantalus ray?

Oreo: Well, it seems to be mounted on the outside of the ship now and has some sort of green crystal thing attached to it.

Burford: Green crystal thing? Wait...that can't be a...impossible...but if it is....Oreo, we gotta get that tantalus ray back. Get a homing crumpet on that ship as a backup for our follow-the-leader technology, then get back here and pick me up.

Oreo: Righto, Burf.

Burford: I told you not to call me that.

Oreo: Sorry, Burf....ord.

*The invisible Millenium Teapot descends close to AA5's ship and fires a smallish disk at the ship. The homing crumpet sticks to the ship in an inconspicuous spot.*

[Yar attempts to open the hatch and go down it.]

*The door opens, and Yar finds himself in what looks like a control room. Sitting in a comically large chair is what looks like a very large, anthropomorphic fire ant wearing outback clothing*

Ant-Ah! Hello there, sir! I'm Archimedes, and I've been your tormenter for the past several posts.

*Meanwhile, back in the Teapot*

KL-Burford, why are you so concerned? So he got a green emerald from Mobius on that contraption. Most people try to attach seven to their doomsday devices. Granted, a Tantalus Ray can destroy a planet without that type of energy, and most weapons with 7 emeralds aren't able to destroy a planet, but....okay, I can see your point. But still, I was having a conversation!

*Meanwhile, AA5 has decided that Kalia must obviously be chewing PAG, so she can choose (chews....heh-heh-heh....) whether or not she made it back to AA5's ship in time. The ship launches into the space above Mobius and begins setting his course*

AA5-*Calling a long-distance number* Hello, Bounty-Hunters-R-Us? I've got a job that requires some specialized services. Hunting and destroying. Who's available? Oh, really? He'd be perfect! Thanks. I'm sending some instructions to the bounty hunter, please pass them along for me. Thanks. Bye!

HA! I knew it.


[Yar] [smirks] Pleased to meet you. I'm sure you've also been keeping track of, ah, anyone else who might be around here?

[Bug]

[Joseph] Why do I have a sudden feeling of impending doom?

[Elbert] Probably the same reason the phrase "worse than the OmegaMatic" is marching inexorably through my mind.

Archimedes-Certainly. Everyone who came off of your ship was monitored. One of them even found a chaos emerald, which surprised me as I didn't think there were any on the island that I wasn't aware of. Unfortunately, the Guardian is busy....

[Yar] Yeah, I noticed that by the fact that, ah ... [looks at the monitor] ... he seems to not be beaten up yet. Anyway, I'm all for charging in, lightsaber swinging and/or guns blazing, but knowing his counterpart in my reality, that probably won't work. Besides, he's got Tantalus technology, which can annihilate a planet /without/ Chaos Emeralds. I get the impression that he's after the whole Universe. Got any tricks that'd work on someone with something like that?

Archimedes-Hmmm....well, he's still in orbit in his ship. He may or may not still be within my teleportation range, though that's difficult to tell.

[Yar] [smirking] Ever tested its range before? [shrugs] Incidentally, he and his crew seem incapable of dealing with my Jedi stealth techniques. Not sure how well they'd work against /you/, but ...

Archimedes-Well, depends. Think they'd notice a big puff of smoke? That normally occurs during my teleportations.

*AA5, having finalized all plans, sets his ship's autopilot for F1872287?thread=471546 and vanishes from sight*

[Yar] I could probably use my Jedi stealth techniques to avoid that, if I timed it right. [shrugs as he looks at a monitor] I suppose it's all academic anyway, since they just went into hyperspace.

KL-Yo? YO! COME BACK HERE!

*And also....*

Archimedes-Oh, so now you're less keen to test the limits of my teleporting?