Biblical Bloopers from Sunday School Students:

Old Testament

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of
  creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
• Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.
• Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
• Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.
• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
  trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
• Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
  jezebel like Delilah.
• Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
  bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
• Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
• The First commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
• The Fifth Commandment is humour thy mother and father.
• The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
• Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the
  Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
  stand still and he obeyed him.
• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
• Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

New Testament

• When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found
  Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an
  emaculate contraption.
• St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
  before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by
  sweat alone."
• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to
  get the tombstone off the entrance.
• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
• A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
• One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a
  taximan.
• When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the
  Magna Carta.
• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Real Signs On Church Property

• Free Trip to heaven.
  Details Inside!
• Try our Sundays.
  They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
• Searching for a new look?
  Have your faith lifted here!
• An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands
  holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed
  & a headline that reads: "For fast, fast relief, take two
  tablets."
• When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big
  sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays."
  The church
  reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
• Have trouble sleeping?
  We have sermons - come hear one!
• A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing
  at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the
  pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is
  postponed."
• People are like tea bags
  You have to put them in hot water before
  you know how strong they are.
• God so loved the world that he did not send a committee.
• Come in and pray today.
  Beat the Christmas rush!
• When down in the mouth, remember Jonah.
  He came out alright.
• Sign broken.
  Message inside this Sunday.
• Fight truth decay
  study the Bible daily.
• How will you spend eternity
  Smoking or Nonsmoking?
• Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives.

• Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and
  the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this
  world.
• It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin.
• Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
• If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
• If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
• Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal
  fire insurance soon.
• This is a CH_ _ CH. What is missing?"
  
  U R
• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
• In the dark?
  Follow the Son.
• Running low on faith?
  Stop in for a fill-up.
• If you can't sleep, don't count sheep.
  Talk to the Shepherd.