h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did you ever notice the fact that people who are only still a bit tipsy, tend to say things like 'oops, have to be carefull, I'm going to get drunk!', and after a while (and some more beers or other alcoholic beverages) keep repeating that THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY NOT DRUNK?

This is The Give-Away, I'm afraid. It is also very funny to see...

Another obvious indication of being under the influence of too much "falling down water" is when they say "I,m not as think as you drunk I am!"

...or the ever popular "Good Evening, Ossifer!" to the local PD.

Nearly got arrested once for being drunk in charge of a bag of chips by the local plod in Warwickshire.Walking home one Saturday night after throwing up,sorry,out time and I saw someone get out of a car on the opposite side of the road to me and start to approach me.
Reaalising it was an officer of the law,I said in my best voice possible "Good evening officer,no problem is there?" "Give us a chip,then!" came the reply.It was only someone I knew from work who was on duty as a special constable that night.Needless to say,I gave him a bit of stick next time I saw him at work.And,NO I didn't give
him a chip!!!!!!!!!!

No, really, I'm not. I've only had a pint. Honestly. It must be you, you're obviously drunk. Now where did I put that vodka........?

Good on you Compo this is one of my faveourite quotes from coolsig.com.

Blast. I'm new here and I didn't realise that wherever you post it comes up as most recent. Honest I'm not drunk.

I take it you're referring to my not having given a chip to the local plod ,Seb.By the way,I still make bog ups on both this and other sites I visit whether I've had too much "falling down water" or not!!!

Well I do as well and no, I was refering to the "I'm not as think" line, but at least you had enough presence of mind not to offer the guy a chip as well.

Friend of mine when we were out was approached by a policeman, and out came the line 'I haven't touched a c**t all night, drinkable.'

Don't you just hate it when you go out, and come back only to find that they've fitted escalators where the stairs were...?

Kirp

Well I would if I had stairs, and I like spoonerisms like that one, good on you (but not your friend...).

I have a friend who (and I REALLY think this is weird) loves to go home drunk, just to lie down and let the room spin.
Now me, at the first sign of spinning, must jump up and stop the vertigo, or I'll be spending some unpleasant time in the bathroom and I always assumed that that was how most people reacted.
Am I wrong?

As long as the night befores worth the morning after, your not wrong. However, I do love a little room spinning action, until the bed moves when your tryng to get into it. I speak from experience, go to sit down and the bed just jumps away from you - my remedy? Sleep on the floor!

Does anyone else have any good hangover cures? My sister swears by scrambled egg, but if I'm bathroom-action-hungover in the morning, I just can't! Anyone?

Anyone got any good drunk stories?

The best advice that I can offer on hang-overs is for all of us who smoke():
DON'T
You might be feeling slightly dodgy, but thinking "Hmm... pretty good considering!",
but as soon as you have that first one of the morning,(regardless of the amount you smoked before you went to bed at 5am!) your hang-over WILL kick in with a VENGENCE!!
BEWARE

If you can hold off for as long as you can, ie: your'e next incarnation, then so much the better!

And oh yeah, invest in a tounge cleaner, thy're disgusting, but they really work!!

Well I've got a friend who says to open a can of beer before you go to bed, put it on your bedside table (*without* drinking it) and drink it when you wake up in the morning. Hence a hair of the dog that bit you. If I tried that I'd probably swear at rather than by.