h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did you say 300,000 in a nest? No, no, no, no, no! I just killed over 50 of the little pests in my kitchen, but I guess that's nothing.

Trust me when I tell you that they love nothing more than white chocolate. Once they get a whiff of that, they'll bypass everything else, including the digestives and even the chocolate brownies.

Some tips for getting rid of them, please.

If you're not afraid to be a little mean, use poison that the workers will take back to the nest. That way, you are killing some of the 299,950 ants you can't see along with the ones you can. Honestly, the ants are more likely to leave if you take out a couple of queens, and you can't do this unless you get to the nest.

Fry them one by one with a magnifying glass - much more satisfying

Humph. I'm slightly disturbed by this talk of killing ants. I'll try not to take it personally.

However, to encourage them to go elsewhere en masse remove all sources of fat or sugar -- clean behind and under the cooker/stove in particular. Remove all nesting sites - holes in walls, piles of newspaper, pot plants...

You can try using ant bait but most pharaoh ants eat it for breakfast on a regular basis. Put the bait inside drinking straws and place it near, but not on, the trails the worker ants follow. If you block the trails the colonies will bud and you will have an even bigger problem than the one you started with.

So that explains it! I had a friend over and we had two very different, totally decadent desserts. Hers was a white chocolate cheesecake and mine was a cappuccino cheesecake. We left the boxes on the counter and the little monsters were all over her dessert box and didn't go near mine. I've never had ants like this before in an apartment and I must admit it creeps me out! They're also big time carnivores and I'm starting to have nightmares about waking up covered in ants! I have ant traps around but they just keep popping up in new places. They even invaded my bathroom cabinet and I found them chowing down on a six pack of throat lozenges and a roll of antacids! I believe the next step is me moving out... I really really hate bugs!

Hi Medusa, I've been looking for you for a while now. Drop in at http://www.h2g2.com/A416819.

Amy the Ant

Hi Amy

Here I am. I went to the site and there was my name - not in lights. How do I get linked? What do I have to do? Enquiring minds want to know...

Would you like to be linked? If so, I'll link you. Simple as that.

My flat is almost spotless - the only spots are ants! They're very careful not to let me find where their nest is. I'm sure it's not in my potted plants.

I'm quite ruthless about cleaning out cupboards. I don't keep much food in the house. I suspect these ants may be drifting in from my neigbors, but I don't feel like knocking on their door and demanding to know if they're harboring a 300,000 ant colony.

This is why pharaoh ants specialise in apartment blocks. It's almost impossible to coordinate action throughout the building.

Watch the ants. Figure out how they're moving between apartments -- the electrical system, water pipes and window frames are favorites. Block the possible inlets using tape, petroleum jelly or fly paper. Wipe the area around their entrance points to remove the trails -- they might just decide to turn around and go back.

If they're not visiting you for food, are they seeking water?

I think my ants are very clever. They are observing me, waiting for any opportunity. Their only successes so far have been a half-eaten cookie I was saving for later, and my white chocolate...

... and don't ask me how they got in, because I've got Star Trek pharaoh ants, who can 'beam' in wherever they like.

Look, cats eat mice - so is there anything less exotic than an anteater that could help me out?

Ah, if they've got hold of a matter transporter then all is lost.

Anteaters, bears, antlions (another type of bug)... doesn't look very promising.

I may be out-numbered, but I'm not giving up so easily. I've bought a spray which claims to have a lingering effect. I shall leave no surface uncovered...

I don't know where you live but I'm going to investigate a kind of ant powder/granules (non-toxic to humans) available at WalMart. I have to get the name again from my sister who claims it completely rid them of ants - and their problem was so bad they even had anthills in their driveway! She suggested I put it around the perimeter of my apartment and on top of my kitchen cupboards, etc and they should go away. If you're near a WalMart it might be worth investigating. When I find the name I'll let you know.
In the meantime, I'm spraying them with Fantastic cleaner at every opportunity. It kills them on impact, which is a BIT disappointing since I'd like to see them die a slow and painful death except for one who would escape and race back to the nest and have everyone pack up and move to the next building. Perhaps that's overly optimistic...
The worst part is that I made the serious mistake of doing a web search on the little beasts and they're quite horrible. Seems they have no scruples about where they'll go. Kind of wish I had never looked it up!

Please do. I'd hate to be known as the missing link...
(Groan...)

No, don't let even a single ant get back to the nest - its' not worth the risk, as ants are prepared to accept very high casualty rates.

I've tried reasoning with them, but it didn't work. Ok, by 'reasoning' I mean shouting, but the point is they're determined and single-minded.

They must be destroyed!

Gulp!

Oh look, hold on a minute - the only ants I don't like are pharaoh ants.

Leafcutter ants are amazing - they've got some at the Natural History Museum in London. I could watch them for hours.

Who could be anything but in awe of an ant whose home page is so amazing?!

Thank you for the compliment about my page.

But I am a pharaoh ant.

Gulp. Gulp.

Well, that's asking for it, isn't it. I think you're gonna have some serious explaining to do.

Do you think you could persuade your relatives who are trespassing in my flat to keep out?