h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day

Give a man a fish and he'll have a fish. Teach a man to be a fish and he'll be able to breathe underwater.

Sorry

Ok so being, myself, a Fish... (I do actually get worried about how role play on h2g2 can get carried away... BUT that's totally irrelivant). I can appreciate that certain laws of nature MUST apply to me. Such as food chains and the such. BUT as was mentioned, I DON'T go round publicising it. I just eat my fill and am done with it. We are not arguing here that eating Fish is wrong! We are trying to say that the way in which this article is written is purely for a (Non-Fish) Human audience, who wish to know how to g*t one of my fellow fishy friends. This IS akin to me writing an article purely for Sharks on "101 ways to rip a drowning human limb from limp" AND creating a very amusing animation to go with it depicting that! If anyone has ANY objections on that, then they, like we, are quite welcome to protest with chants and signs!



(As for a "Fish School" I've disgussed it at the Union page)

I hadn't realised that the article was written just for humans. I had assumed that the fish that ate fish would also read this and find even greater pleasure in eating fish that-had-their-nasty-bits-that-taste-bad-and-make-you-sick removed. I thought this article was for all.

Well that makes it all the more Horrific then!

And it's only ever you stupid humans who get the bone problem anyway! If you eat a fish the way it's supposed to be eaten, then you would never get bones sticking!

Yes, clever humans pick the bones out first.

No bones about it (sorry, I couldn't resist).

The Fish has a very good point there... There... way back there... yes... right there... and well, yes, there and there and there as well. Good points.

An article which gave pleasure to a fish which depicted another fish being gutted is rather like a human snuff movie. Which is an exaple of the disgustingly depraved depths that some people will sink to. I resent being associated with that as a meat-eating fish.

Also, most human meat eaters would not like a graphic of a cow/pig/etc., being gutted in a jolly way.

The pig one would be useful. A close up on the throat, to show were to plunge the knife in, and how to twist it - maybe how to string it up head down and catch the blood, could be useful......
BCNU - Crescent

Well, frankly, that shows the depths to which humans go to insult other life forms.
If you're not forcing a cat to dress in a skirt, marrying dogs to other dogs, or getting your budgie stuffed & on display for all eternity, you are forcing poor and clean animals like pigs to live in mud all their life, and then call them dirty! Pigs on themselves are clean animals, yet you use expressions like calling people you don't like "pigs". Someone you don't like is a "cow" or "bitch".

All other animals to you are insults. No wonder you get pleasure from cutting fish into peices.

At least when we eat it is for neccesity, and we never insult other animals. Only humans do that.

Not me I don't dress cats up - cats are vermin catchers, and should have as little human contact as possible - marrying dogs is plain daft - they are to hunt and guard - I do not go for animal insults, prefering my insults to be scatalogical or excremental (I am an primate after all - a domesticated primate, but a primate all the same and there is no real pleasure in cutting up fish - it is smelly and slimey, with always the joyous possibility of slicing yourself - the pleasure is in the eating The pig example was incase I ever have to do it - I would prefer to know how to do this, to save the pig as much distress as possible - I would imagine it would be better to know how to do it, than have a rank amateur hacking away, trying to do the best they can Until later.....
BCNU - Crescent

That's the big problem with this planet. You see, some humans evolved from primates and others were created by the diety of their choice. The one's that evolved from primates, like friend Crescent here, tend to keep their primative instincts and on occasion...use them. However those who were created, have a tendancy to be much more peaceful.

Those who were created, look on the ones that evolved as the very distant and very backwards relative nobody talks about at the family reunions. So from those of us who were created, we extend our sincerest and most politically correct apologies for the actions of our distant and very backwards relatives. We would NEVER do such a thing ourselves!

We prefer to rely on our distant and very backwards relatives to provide us with the fish, pre-g*tted, pre-breaded and pre-cooked at terribly over-priced restraunts where we eat, but feel terribly guilty about it afterwards over a smoke and some coffee. Those of us who are "Christians" feel even more guilty, particularly as our diety of choice, chose to hang out with fisherman when he last visited. What can we say? He fell in with bad company, kids these days.
~S

PS, We all agree though, a chimp dressed as a human is just downright funny, right?

umm... no I dont find it funny, I think its horribly cruel.

---RedFish

Those among us who are christian should be aware that while Adam and Eve lived in the garden of Eden they were given dominion over the plants and animals but when they fell from grace and were banished they were only given dominion over the plants. All the Christians out there should, if they are true to their religon, be vegetarian. (That means *no* fish!!)

Do fishsticks count!?? ... Just because they TASTE like fish, doesn't mean they ARE fish, eh!??

And... I've heard that when major factories manufacture(my spelling doesn't look right-- I may really cringe at myself later) chocolate candy bars, legs of spiders and fly's wings(but not dragonfly wings, certainly) end up in the concoction!!! EWWWW!!!! That's unwanted meat to a vegetarian!!! What of that!??

I guess if we don't know what we're doing, it's ok-- is that Carnal sin or... or what!??

OH!!! And I loved the bit about some of us being evolved primates and others having been created... true, it is...

And finally, Mr. Crescent, I appreciate your steadfast ability to stick by your position and opinion on life. Without you, we'd have nothing to get upset over. And we secretly love you for that-- at least a bit, right guys!?? Come on, admit it... Or I might donate some old doll clothing to this "Clothes for Chimps" program I heard about... j/k

Now listen here Redfish. You can campaign to save the whales and the fish and all the aminals (Not a mispell, that's just how I say it.) in the sea, but you can't very well go around speaking for land aminals. Did you ever consider that perhaps the chimps ENJOY dressing up in human clothing and entertaining us? While you fishy-folk may be all wet, we off the land type are a little more laid back and enjoy good humor. Particularly at the expense of anyone but our-ownselves. Long live the land aminals, tonight we dine on fish!
~S

"Chocolate will be deemed unfit for human consumption if it is shown to contain more than 0.5% cockroach bodyparts"

Think yourselves lucky, it used to be 2%. There's just no way to keep the little buggers out of the process. In countries where chocolate is made cockroaches thrive. They die a horible sticky death just to satisfy human greed.

SAVE THE COCKROACHES, STOP THE CHOCOLATEY GENOCIDE!

Oooooo... creepy... maybe all of us can boycott chocolate consumption for the sake of our cockroach friends...

::hears crickets chirping::

Anyone!??

::taps on her microphone::

Anyone with me on this!??

::silence::

Right...

Shadow!! We do not dine on fish tonight!!! Or tomorrow night!!! No!!! Bad shadow, bad!!!

Well, I WAS planning to be the first researcher to document how many ways there are to skin a cat. But now....