h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The STUMPED flag is planted in the ground. Yo walks into the various HQs (military, civillian, etc) and recruites all personell there, then he makes a short, but effective speach to the populace, who are persuaded to the cause*



Maximise all output of ships, planes and material, immediately.

*In an anonymous office in an anonymous building, GL answers the phone.*

Yes?
Good, good.
You're sure they thought you were sincere?
Very good. Well, continue the deception until we're ready to strike.
Yes, that's exactly what I mean - let them think you have converted to their cause.
You're welcome.
Good-bye.

That was evil................ HEY! you there, get me some pizza!

Mr Goriff: OK then? With curry?

shure ........................... by the way UH do you like curry?

hmm. s'okay. i really only go to my local curry guy for his chips...fries. kind of a cop out, really...

*hands curry to yo*

Mr goriff: you havent been in the titanic battle forum, recently. why?

*a look of suspicon crosses yo's face*

Mr gorriff: er...curry? lovely, lovely curry?

*starts backing away*

well, the reason I left was that it was just becoming too hard to keep up with the pages and pages of backlog..... soon I will make a comeback tho.., something to drink Mr. Gorrif?

*sea enters*

[sea] do i smell curry?

Mr Goriff: yes. very good. mmm...smell that...err...curry poweder.

*sea raises an eyebrow and looks the curry guy over intently, making him uncomfortable. then she heads to the beach to relax and get a tan*

*Affy plants an even higher American flag over the STUMPED flag, and wanders around the HQs (military, civilian, etc.), undoing the brainwashing, and having people rejoin the good cause*

Methinks that this could go on for days...

*sea notices a large number of despondent people walking toward her on the beach. she sighs and gets up from her towel*

[sea] what's wrong with all of you?

*a man, his wife, and their child stop to speak to sea*

[man] a guy from CHOPPERS just told us that we should reject the leadership of STUMPED.

[woman] but if we do, how will we live? in a normal society, my husband won't have a job. STUMPED promised to open weapons factories here so that everyone will have work.

[child] mommy, i'm hungry!

[woman] shush, honey, it's only tuesday. we won't have any food again until friday. you know that.

*the child whimpers. the woman looks at sea with pleading eyes*

[woman] you're with STUMPED, aren't you? please, you've got to help us!

*sea sighs*

[sea] we'll help you. tell everyone to ignore CHOPPERS. they can't do any harm if you don't listen to them.

*the family looks happier. they spread the news, and the islanders are happy again. sea smiles and heads back to her towel*

...only to find it....GONE! All that's left is the thin depression where she was lying. Oh, and a note.

[Note]Hawah! This is suri-gara, I have stolen your towel. I find you to be a dishonourable cow-herder. I say that your breath smells of twentyone-year old rice, and your mother once defrained from curtseying properly in the presence of her husband! So there!

A trail of footsteps lead into town.

*GL walks down a street wondering how to best counter the STUMPED moves. He is deep in thought, but nevertheless something catches his eye. He looks over at the newstand he was passing and reads the headlines on the newspaper. A big grin forms on his face.*

Well, that aught to do it!

*The headline reads: "STUMPED KILLS HUNDREDS OF INNOCENT CITIZENS IN LOS ANGELES"

He sees numerous people carrying newspapers and looking angry. His grin grows.*

*sea sighs and follows the footsteps*

---MEANWHILE---

*the angry, newspaper-toting people head for GL. his smile fades quickly as one man shoves him to the ground*

[man] do you think this is FUNNY?! you can't write these fake stories!

*GL looks confused, the man shoves a newspaper in his face. the byline reads: "written by Garius Lupus". GL realizes his plan had gone terribly wrong, and flees. the angry, newspaper-toting mob makes chase*

[mob] GET HIM!

Well, this won't end well.

*Affy, meanwhile, has found all of the people who still know that STUMPED won't be healthy for the populace, and has shown them news reports about STUMPED activities elsewhere in the world. Affy encourages them to share the news with others, before he hooks up an Ether-Net connection to a far distant space craft*


Everything is going perfectly. The time is right for your arival, boss. Over and out.


*Affy quickly shuts down the connection and dismantles the machine he used to make it with. Affy grins*

As long as GL safely gets away from that mob, this will work out absolutely perfectly.

*sadly, all the people who were just shown the news reports are kidnapped by nicaraguan drug dealers who kill them and dispose of the evidence in a very non-STUMPED affiliated fashion*

*CHOPPERS then, fortunately, brings the drug dealers to justice, thus reclaiming their virtue in the eyes of the populace. Meanwhile, Affy is hoping that the ship his sensors are picking up will hurry up*

*pictures of swirling tabloids: STUMPED: EVIL! supperimposed by: CHOPPERS: SMELLY! - STUMPED KICKED MY PUPPY - CHOPPERS: COMMIES? - STUMPED ABDUCTED MY DOLLY - I WITNESSED CHOPPERS MUGGING AN OLD LADY*

Ad infinitum....