Welcome to the h2g2 Hospital. If you've sustained an injury in a war with one of the many h2g2 armies, or even if you've just tripped over the on your Personal Space, you can come here for treatment!

Reception

Hello, could you just wait a few moments please?

Ring Ring. Hello, h2g2 Hospital reception. Yes, it's extention 254. I'll just put you through.

Sorry about that. Could you just fill in this form? Yes, that's right, you put there, and your date of birth there, and just tick that box. Right! How can I help you?

• Do you need an ambulance?
• Do you need medical treatment?
• Do you need a Medic-in-residence for your Guild or Society?
• Would you like to join our staff or make a complaint?

I see. Well, if you could just click the appropriate one, a member of staff will be with you shortly. There are some chairs just over there if you'd like to sit down...?