h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Inkwash, there's a bit of etiquitte (SP?) you need to know about in RP forums. Yes, I'm with CHOPPERS. First, the target character, unless he/she/it is yours, is the one who says how much damage they take, or if it hits, or both. Second, no "one-post solution"s in which someone completely solves a puzzle without letting anyone else get a chance to put anything in it. Third, unless you have a prior agreement, no controlling other peoples' characters' actions, including saying something. I got into a hissy fit with Zeb (of STUMPED) over that, when he kept having the clones say things, AFTER I TOLD HIM NOT TO.

I dont actually mind if you control my character. so long as no one does it too often. its often more amusing that way. i've concluded that im just a better calibre of person

D'OH!

*sea, who had been moping for the last few days, notices the riots against CHOPPERS. a smile spreads across her face. hope is renewed*

*quick hugs for all the villains! yay!*

[The clones start cheering.]

[Y2K] In yo face, YK!!

[YK] What'd /I/ do??

[Y2K] You're in support of CHOPPERS!

[YK] Ah, yes, that. But I /also/ have the excuse that you're always against me anyway.

[Y2K] Hm, good point.

It was a fair point well made, YK, and thanks.
But it was PW's five seconds I was working from. I didn't actually control any characters, except to say that STUMPED had got out before the building blew, which itself was only done to leave you guys room for retaliation. I left space for a sequel!
It shan't happen again.

*From hundreds of small homes on the outskirts of town, homes next door to craters, stream hundreds of dazed citizens. Teams of medics and other support personnel with CHOPPERS crests on their uniforms swarm the area offering any assistance they can. Amid stories of lost friends, neighbours and even lost children and relatives, CHOPPERS people offer comfort and support. Soon the citizens' dismay gives way to anger and cries arise asking who is responsible for the destruction of these homes and the murder of the innocent citizens. The answer, when it comes, is no surprise to many. A new determination can be seen in the eyes of people. Before long they can be seen dispersing throughout the city to tell their tale. a tale that reveals the true character of these STUMPED overlords. Word spreads like wildfire and soon news of the unprovoked STUMPED attacks has spread to all corners of the city. Even in the black ghettos opinion sways, then turns against STUMPED, for even they recognize that actions speak louder than words. Tension in the city builds until the smallest spark will be enough to touch of a powderkeg of revolt against STUMPED.*

Hey, how's that for publicity!

I don't know. How /is/ that for publicity?

*sea walks down the streets of LA, swarmed by bodyguards. she looks at the damage with a disapproving eye. a crowd forms and sea looks at them. they look sad and angry*

[sea] this is a dark day for STUMPED. who blew up the city?

*the people look confused. they murmur amongst themselves. one woman steps forward*

[woman] STUMPED did it.

*sea laughs. the woman looks confused. sea pats the woman's shoulder*

[sea] those were the homes of CHOPPERS supporters. they made threats upon the lives of those around them. we HAD to terminate them to protect the citzens of LA.

*the people believe sea, and talk amongst themselves*

[man 1] they did it to protect us.

[woman 2] they did it for our children.

[man 2] those were enemies of the state. they had to be terminated.

*sea holds up her hands for silence. the people grow quiet. one of sea's bodyguards hands her a checkbook*

[sea] i am writing the city a check for ten million dollars, for repairing the damages. we will build housing in these places, and hospitals that provide free medical care.

*the people grow excited. sea smiles and holds up the check- which, incidentally, is fully legal. and we all know that sea has the money to cash said check*

[sea] this is a gift from STUMPED.

*she takes the check to the mayor's office and gives it to the mayor, who immediately cashes the check and begins the rebuilding*

*rioting in the streets, buildings burning, CHOPPERS enforcers generally having a hard time. NYC smiles. He knows that all humans are evil at heart. He begins to wonder how many STUMPED vans would be required to blocks all the freeways entirely...*

*on walkie-talkie*

[NYC] Lackey! get me a van!

[Lackey] yes, sir!

*a STUMPED van drives down the street, stops, and immediately gets flipped over by the rioters*

[NYC] wow, this is better than I thought.

*debris from a nearby burning building starts hailing around NYC. NYC starts to get a bit nervous, and calls for a chopper. the chopper hovers over him and he grabs the rope ladder dangling from it. NYC is treated to a panoramic view of complete and utter chaos*

[NYC] *sniff* brings a tear to my eye...

And after all our good work, too. Tsk.

What we need is a celebrity for the people to rally around. someone big. someone popular. someone...well, you've got me.

[Begins to shortlist Rolf Harris, Bill Odie and Alan Titchmarsh, then screws up the list and throws it into a trash can]

"Hmmm....
The tide of public opinion seems fickle. Fifty percent (or thereabouts) wanting STUMPED and fity percent (or thereabouts) supporting CHOPPERS. How to swing the balance?..."

Poetry Woman distributes placards saying 'UNCLE HEAVY FOR MAYOR!'*

Then of course, she swoons.

She runs around, drumming up support for UH.

[YK] Inkwash, those are CHOPPERS-supporters you're drumming up respect in.

*Suddenly, one of the rioters stops, with a thoughtful look on her face. She turns to the rioter beside her and says:*

Wait a minute. My little Billy was only 6 years old. He was visiting his Grandma and Grandpa next door when the missle blew up the house and ... and ... my family. WAAAAAAHHHH!

Rioter 2: Yeah, that's right. My best friend got blown up, too. How can that be for my own good? Hey guys! GUYS! We've been conned by these STUMPED murderers.

*The news spreads like wildfire again and soon the citizens are driving all members of STUMPED out of the city.*

"Get your cattle prods here"
Nice sturdy cattleprods, ideal for herding cows or humans, into barns or out of cities!!.."

*sea and her ring of bodyguards- really LOYAL bodyguards, the best in the world (just to cover my back)- make their way down the street. suddenly, sea stops and turns to the rioters*

[sea] STOP!!!!

*the rioters stop and stare at her*

[sea] what are you doing? do you think that riots are going to solve anything?

*the rioters look at each other, guilty*

[sea] you need to work together, not against each other. all that STUMPED is trying to do is help you people, but ever since CHOPPERS arrived, all that has been happening is fighting and riots and destruction.

*those with weapons drop them. the people give sea their full attention*

[sea] go home, all of you. violence doesn't solve anything.

[Cut to a Chiss battleship in the Unknown Regions and then its bridge]

[Lord Byancbaldich] Skeris, what do the odds makers say?

[Skeris] The odds are six in thirteen in favor of CHOPPERS. Just a little under fifty percent.

[Lord Byancbaldich] But not impossible.

[Skeris] Of course not, sir.