h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*after days of brutal fighting, the dust settles, and the Krylma declares this land to be conquered by STUMPED!*

*The Draco flies over LA, and releases several smaller ships, out of which come droids who begin assembling a headquarters. A hologram appears in front of Sea*

Good work, Sea! Crush the spirits of the miserable entities who live here! Set up a totalitarian base of operations, and prepare in case any would-be heroes show up!

*The hologram vanishes as the Draco flies away into space*

*sea salutes, wondering if she should be insilted that she was just referred to as a miserable entity, but shrugs. after all, she lives in the suburbs of LA. then she goes about overseeing the setting up of the headquarters*

Miserable Entity-The oppressed folk in a totalitarian government situation.

gotcha.

The city of Los Angeles oppressed by a corrupt and totalitarian entity? Do you think anyone will notice?

not as long as bush is in the white house... that's the beauty of it.

Or as long as Rampart Division is still in business...

*grin*

Hello, Colonol Sellers. Really though, Bush being in the White House won't change whether or not people notice. They'd better notice, or there's not much point in conquering it, is there?

I believe we've got three conquered entries by now. I just captured a train route in Europe.

[sea] good work, KL... we can use that as a supply line...

*sea assembles the LAPD and calls in its reserves. they assemble together in the staples center, which is just large enough to accomodate them all comfortably. sea begins her speech, which is televised and broadcast throughout the city*

[sea] friends, minions, police officers. we have gathered here to day because there has been a threat upon the STUMPED conquest of Los Angeles. the superhero group CHOPPERS has vowed to destroy our evil empire by any means necessary.

*sounds of shock echo through the Center. sea pauses a moment, then continues with vigor*

[sea] we must NOT allow them to destroy what we have worked so hard for! i want DOUBLED patrols to every part of the city and its suburbs. should it become necessary, a curfew will go into effect and civilians will be asked to report any suspicious persons.

*sea looks around the Center with an evil glint in her eyes*

[sea] thank you all for your patience.

*sea raises her arms above her head and shouts*

[sea] STUMPED-LA FOREVER!

*the police echo the sentiment throughout the Center. moments later, as the speech is broadcast to the people, the chant is heard throughout Los Angeles*

mmm....

*Meanwhile, in a mansion in Beverly Hills, a group of downhearted liberal movie stars listen to the tall stranger who is addressing them.*

... Europe under the Nazis, we can resist and eventually overcome this oppressive regime. You must all do your part but you can count on C.H.O.P.P.E.R.S for support. Already, we are assembling a force to counterstrike but we are relying on you to prepare the ground. Sow dissention among their ranks, seek out others who think like you do, infiltrate their forces. We will be setting up communications networks and helping you to set up an organization. Other CHOPPERS members are meeting right now with other groups and soon you will all be linked. There is general unhappiness over this change in government, so it shouldn't last long.

Now, here are the details of our plans ...

*The group is looking much less depressed, now that they see some hope.*

[homer simpson] d'oh!

*a young police officer approaches sea timidly with a piece of paper*

[officer] mistress?

[sea] what is it?

[officer] this came for you, mistress.

*sea snatches the paper and reads it. she turns red*

[sea] SERGEANT!

*the sergeant runs up to her*

[sergeant] *salutes* ma'am?

[sea] there are those who would oppose the reign of STUMPED. seek them out and bring them to me. alive.

[sergeant] yes, ma'am!

*several hundred policemen are dispatched*

*Meanwhile at a local school*

Poetry Woman says "After me children"

"Stumped is silly
Stumped is numb
Go home stumped
You're all just DUMB!"

Poetry Woman

*Deep underground, in the sewer, UH is priming another band of freedom fighters, citizens wowed by his plummy accent and (false) handlebar moustache*

-inside the STUMPED-LA headquarters' war room-

*mug shots of all the CHOPPERS are seen enlarged to grotesque sizes and pasted to the walls*

[sea] I WANT THEM C A U G H T!

Can I torture then when they are caught ?

The phone rings in the war room. When a STUMPED member picks it up, all they hear is a giant raspberry, and then...

"This phone will self-destruct in five seconds...."