h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the rioters stare at sea for a moment*

[random rioter] but we LIKE rioting! we get to pillage and set fires!

*the crowd cheers. sea rolls her eyes*

[sea] i hesitate to tell you this, but....

*the rioters look interested*

[sea] all those people at CHOPPERS are on our payroll.

*the people gasp*

[sea] yes, that's right. but they'll deny it to the bitter end. they're very well trained, you know.

*newspaper crews appear, special edition newspapers are printed and distributed throughout the world*

~3 C-130s land at the aiport and unload building and food supplies~

Hold on. we're the good guys. world famous heros. And the others are infamous villains. Surely someone would have made the connection?

*NYC, still in the chopper, calls sea*

[NYC] You know, sea, if this rioting keeps up as it is, there won't be much of a Los Angeles worth taking over. Not as if that makes much of a difference, but...

[sea] oh, shut up.

*The rioters, quite angry at not having a side to side on, continue rioting indiscriminately. Since rioting and violence is NOT what CHOPPERS stands for, at least it's a moral victory for STUMPED. NYC regales himself with a view of downtown LA in flames, intermittently strewn with helpless emergency vehicles*

[NYC] What would make this view perfect is if we had an earthquake right now. While I'm up here, I might as well take a few snapshots...

*NYC takes pictures worth putting in a photo album for his grandchildren*

god help us all if he DOES have children, much less GRANDCHILDREN...

[sea] yes, i promise you, CHOPPERS are on our payroll. now quit the riots and GO HOME. that's an order.

[YK comes up next to Sea]

[YK] Sea, the riot dispersing just because you shouted at them is about as likely as being able to set fire to Antarctica.

*NYC lands next to YK, arms laden with high explosives and torches of all manner*

we can try!

*the rioters see NYC and run to their homes in fear*

*sea, NYC, and YK are left standing on the desolate street*

[sea] you were saying, YK?

UH to NYC: Go on! Off you go! 50p says you can't! Come on, times ticking!

[YK] D'OH!

Sure thing, UH. If you would be so kind as to hold these for a second...

*NYC passes the incredible amount of explosives and torches to UH*

...while I get my lighter out, here...

*NYC flips out a lighter*

*flick... flick... flick, flickflickflick*

Hmm, it doesn't seem to work. Wait here, I think I may have some matches...

*NYC tosses the lighter over his shoulder, and searches through his coat for some matches. The lighter lands on top of the pile of torches and explosives in UH's arms, causing a small spark*

*fwooOOOM kaBAM BOOM*

*NYC turns back* Aww, now look what you've done.

Hmph!

Hey! I never actually said that he blew up! YOU inferred that in your thinking! Don't blame me!

*sea snickers, then catches sight of the very singed UH, and bursts into gales of laughter. she is forced to sit down on the sidewalk*

*Hey! dont worry! continuity doesnt bother me! do what you want. honestly *
That was serious, not sarcastic.

*The scene changes and great big animated flashes of light appear, perhaps with onomatopaeic words interspersing it. Like POW! or KERRANG! The dust settles. UH is sitting on the ground, his clothes in tatters and his face singed. Heis chewing a carrot.*

Well, why not?

And you owe me 50p!

Is it my imagination or is there just the one superhero here?

[Mackenzie increases to three times her normal size (whatever "normal" is) and picks up the two-legged cat by the scruff of its neck]

[Mackenzie] No. All of YK's characters except for the clones, the Chiss, and Flopsy the Catrabbit are good guys. Other good guys here include Inkwash, Mewtwo, Giguschild, Poetry Woman ... But I'm getting bored. I'm going to turn you into a box of lasagnia for a minute.

[She drops the two-legged cat. There is a burst of sparkly, N64 effects, and the cat turns into a box of lasagnia. Fifty-seven seconds later, Garfield the cat comes over, snifs, grins, and saunters off in disappointment when the box turns back into the two-legged cat.]

*sea continues laughing at UH, though she ponders the idea of a two-legged cat*

hmmm ?