Adam Sandler had a routine a few years back about a 'Hanukah Song'. His thesis was that the observance deserved something more dignified, or, at least, less repetitive and moronic, than the 'Dreydl Song', which you can find on your own time, just, trust me, you will regret it.


His complaint involves only one item (there may be more, but I defer to his scholarship just this once), but when you search the annals of modern (since 1900) popular music involving the last month of the year in the Englisch-shpeaking woild, we find that many of the goyim have a lot more to complain about.


Just a simple search of Christmas songs on da compooter will find you overwhelmed by the plethora of substandard rhymes, the paucity of actual thematic elements, and the rinky-tinky-taffy irritatingness of the apparently limited by law musical scale...

Let me put it this way, Goethe and Beethoven didn't write Christmas music... or if they did, I ain't heard it recently...

• 'A-weigh in a manger'... I'm sorry, I still visualize a baby in one of them maternity scales, what looks like it was designed to hold a shoat, y'know?
• 'Silent Night'... yeah, if you yank the ear appliance battery and don't have tinnitus...
• 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland'... uh, yeah. You know what a frozen horse puck feels like under your foot? You know what it smells like when you gets your boots off back at the house? Now you know why
  people used to consistently take their shoes off at the door and walk rapidly away from them.
• 'Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow'... written by some moron in Palm Springs.
• 'White Christmas'... You don't never have to dream no more. Move to Saskatchewan...
• 'I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus'... and they told you you had your grandfather's eyes...

~~~~~

The Escape Pod Dreams
Archive

(tonsil revenge)

18.12.03 Front Page

Back Issue Page