Dating Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything


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The worst thing that can happen to a calm, happy, mentally stable person is for someone to ask him or her out on a date. This is devastating to character and induces unnecessary stress, self-examination and often a good bit of running around in circles trying to find something to wear1.

While dating is viewed as positive, beneficial, fun and extremely desirable by those not involved in the activity at the time, it is known by all who actually participate, that it is a fairly useless procedure that accomplishes equally well what a simple thing like the death of a family pet might. What exactly dating accomplishes is this: it forces one to re-examine the relationships in his or her life and decide whether or not it's worth it to go out and - metaphorically-speaking - get a new goldfish.

However, dating does have its positive side effects as well. Often after doing so for several years2 it can lead to the stable and rather blandly acceptable state of marriage3. Also, it guarantees the jealousy of all but close friends, and can sometimes even drive people away, forcing you to expand into new circles of peers in an attempt to re-establish your once secure place in the Universe.

In conclusion, dating is an activity only truly appreciated by those who are not doing it. Therefore, one finds oneself constantly in a struggle to either enter into a relationship, or trying to remove oneself from one - a vicious cycle, which must be stopped.

1Or in a guy's case, finding the appropriate bunch of flowers.2Or, for the impulsive, months.3Which sometimes leads to a new and exciting state of divorce.

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