h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bugging my friends...

I have a problem. I have a decision to make, that I have to make on my own but would really like some outside and reasonably anonymous perspective on. Details to follow in a moment...

...or two...

Yes!

No!

Hmmmmm?

Yes? No? Hmmmm? I'm confused...

Sorry about the delay. I just had someone scare the heck out of me with an e-mail. I had to research it for myself to make sure she was wrong...

Here's the problem: I'm trying to decide if I should move out of my house. I would be moving in with my cousin and his girlfriend and be in an area with more work and better public transit. Many friends and relatives are of the opinion I would be happier and less stressed living there. No one knows why though.

I would be taking the bunny, but leaving the dog. They have a cat (which I am allergic to) so we have to hope the cat and rabbit will get along. It's very hard to tell with this cat. She was abused with a previous owner and is still getting over some behavioural-type problems. (They have done wonders for her though!)

The room is a lot smaller than the room I'm in now and the apartment is a lot smaller than the house I'm in now. I'll have to fit a bed, dresser, desk and bunny stuff (not to mention various items like books, personal effects, etc.) in this little room. She may end up being a free range bunny because her pen may be too big to keep in there.

*If* I go, it won't be until after Christmas.

The biggest things holding me back are...

1. I don't know where all of this stress is coming from and I'm worried that it will continue whether I'm living at home or not.

2. I have to go back to work. My last job has left me pretty rattled. (Lots of twelve hour days with few lunches.) I actually feel physically ill when I think about working.

3. My dog. Everyone says the same thing. "Don't make this decision based on a dog." Practically speaking, I understand and agree- BUT- this dog is only 4 years younger than I am. I've known him almost all my life, and he is not a family dog, he is *my* dog. I'm worried that the stress from me disappearing with all my stuff might be too much for him. I'm worried if I go I'll be abandoning him. I'm worried going will kill my dog.

I can definately see how going will relief some stress. I can definately see me being happier there because I'll have two people that I really enjoy the company of and get along really well with to talk to. But I'll also be overcome with guilt. There's more I wanted to add but I really don't remember...

Oo. Tough one..

Is this one of those limited time only head vs. heart decisions?

Damn. I really hate those...

I really don't know what it is. I used to have a clearer head about the whole thing. About a month ago I e-mailed a friend about it and summarized the whole thing perfectly. This time I feel like I'm forgetting something.

I swear, the next journal I write will be happy and

Awwwww...ff!

I can tell you've looked at all the pros and cons that exist regarding making this decision. You're unhappily conflicted and must make a decision for your own good and those whom you are loyal to. You're very blessed to have such a loyal and caring heart for your animal companions! I'm very sure they love you very much in return.
However, I and many of your friends have been concerned about your health lately. We want what's best for you in the long run, so that you'll have every opportunity to experience great happiness and fulfillment in your life. Maybe the move might help you with the stress that you've been dealing with and give you inspiration to reassess what you most want out of life. I am concerned about your allergy to the , though.
Something or other is not working for you at home currently. So, some kind of change in your home environment is indicated. Is there anything at all that can be adapted in your home now to make your circumstances better without completely moving out and changing the relationship dynamics with your pets?
I'm sure you'll make the best decision that you can eventually. Your love for your pets will direct you to do the best thing for them, of that I am sure. All I can do is be here for you and encourage you to care for yourself as much as you evidently care for others.
You have the answer within you. It'll come!

Awwww cynthesis

I'm so glad I found this site!!!

The stress stuff has been going on for years so I doubt any alteration at home will get rid of it.

I'm allergic to cats, but we have had two different adult cats and three different litters of approx. 5 kittens each, plus another kitten from a pet store. I also visit my cousin a lot and I'm not *too* bad with their cat. I'm worried about actually sharing a room with the bunny though. That could be very uncomfortable and sneezy!

I didn't know many people on here were aware of my pesky health problems (aside from the chest infection). I think the problem I'm having with the severe chest pains and really high heart rate will be a little better at my cousins because I can actually *talk* to them about it. It's been pretty nasty to day. In June or July I tried to talk to my doctor about it and without even checking anything she says "You're too melodramatic" and opens the door and leaves the office.

You've got to find a that cares and actually takes a good look at you! Someone of your age should not be having chronic chest pains and tachycardia. Was this your GP or was she a cardiologist? Did she suggest any other specialist for you to go to after running the diagnostic tests to rule out a heart problem?
I dislike doctors who dismiss patients too quickly without doing all they are trained and skilled to do!
You do need to be in an environment that is nurturing enough for your specific needs. Having people who sincerely care about you to talk to can be so healing in a lot of ways...
Do you see this move to your cousin'sas a permanent one?

Tachy-what-ia?

It was my regular doctor, and she looked *extremely* tired this day. I have had similar experience with other doctors. It's the "you're too young to have *real* problems. Come back when your older" syndrome. I've had two seperate s actually come very close to pushing me out of their office. The first one I said, "Whoa! You're not done yet." With the second one I just left.

I think it could end up being a transitional move. I need to head to university as soon as I figure out what for/where. And I always have the run-home option.

My mom has been pretty keen onme going in the last couple of days. I said, "What? Are you trying to get rid of me now?" And she confessed, "No, I want you to go and have the experience and then come home after a couple of months."

*lubdublubdublubdub* is tachycardia(tacky-card-ee-ah). A fast heart rate!
Your mom sounds like she's pretty savvy... for being a mom.

I was wondering if the move was a transitional thing. Hmmmm. It's looking more and more that you do need to change your environment in preparation for even more changes ahead. It's good to have those 'fall back on' contingencies in place. They're like handy safety nets.

Well, about those s. Find one that you can talk to and who knows how to listen. Your health is terribly important. You're important to all who love you. So your health issues need to be sorted out and dealt with!
Be as good to yourself as possible while discerning this important decision.
Which means plenty of fluids and !!!

I'd better get back to my guests here. I'll talk to you tommorow!
Take care ff and goodnight!

Nighty-night It was loverly talking to you. As usual!

As for the heart rate. I've tried checking it with the good old fingers on the wrist thing and I think it's more likely to be a palpatation(sp?) type thing. It can go incredibly fast and hard so I can barely count it and then suddenly be incredibly slow and faint so I can't even feel it. But I have tested it before with a machine (my cousin used to have one) and one time it was up at 130 after I had been sitting and relaxing for two hours!

Right: practical stuff first; the heart. You have EXACTLY the smae as i have had for most of my adult life, anxiety induced palpitations. Paradoxically, it usually means your heart is in fact actually very strong; so the evil feeling of "ohmigodiamgonnaadieanysecondnow" is simply an evil feeling; but persuading yourself this is true is almost impossible, i know!!! So you get more anxious, which shoots more adrenalin into your system, which ups the heart rate, which makes you more anxious....& the vicious circle continues.

Find a new & ask if you can be put on beta blockers; i am on Atenolol; but there are many different ones.They simply regulate the heart, do NOT affect your state of mind. Some of them also help if you get sweaty palms & stuff when you are stressed out. Mine simply control the heart, so i still feel stressed *but* don't have to panic that i am about to collapse from a heart attack!

I have been on them for about 15 years, they are incredibly safe drugs, no side effects *but* you should carry a card stating you are on them 'cos if you had to have an emergency operation, they need the info for anaesthetic stuff.

They may say you have to have some more tests to check the heart is simply over-reacting, but it's just elecrodes on the chest or wearing a walkman thing for a day to see the variations in rhythm.

The chest pains are almost certainly related, when you are very stressed, you automatically tense chest muscles. A simple trick is "DROP your shoulders" This will feel really odd at first, but notice next time you are in a state, i *bet* your shoulders (or one of them at least!) are up round your neck somewhere! It's physically impossible to be as stressed out if shoulders are down; try it, it works!

Also good if you feel an asthma attack coming on, you breathe easier if shoulders are down, it opens the chest.

My personal opinion is yes, move out, even temporarily. "A change is as good as a rest" they always say, and yes, you have the safety net of being able to return if it doesn't work out.

Will you still have access to the computer? Important that, you have lots of caring friends on here."A hooter is NEVER alone!"

will adapt, she will be puzzled for a while, but as you say, will probably end up free range , you will spend many happy hours scuttling after her with dustpan & brush sweeping up raisins! If she is used to a litter tray already, it will be easier. She will become much closer to you in these circumstances, which will help with missing; which you certainly will. As you know, i had to rehome skankydawg & still feel very about it, but also massive relief, i simply couldn't cope given my health problems right now.

How far away from him would you be living? Could you pop back for weekend sometimes & give him "quality time"; lovely long walks & stuff? He WON'T die of heartbreak, i promise! He will still be with all the rest of the family in the home he has always known. He WILL miss you, but are adaptable animals. If you went to university you wouldn't be able to take him with you. Make sure that pesky little brother of yours gives him extra!!! (You never know, *he* may also miss you!)

So, there's my! Moving on to pastures new is always scary, but it's also very exciting, opportunity to start again, make new friends, choose a different lifestyle that isn't so stressful. As to work stuff, well, at least you won't be doing the job you are hating now, the next one may be a pain too, but needs must & maybe there are all sorts of new opportunities in the new place.

And it will be lovely for you to be with folks you get on so well with; they are family too, it's not as if you are skipping merrily off into the sunset alone & abandoning your family!

I think it's that mum is encouraging you to spread your wings, nothing more sad than a 35 year old still in the family nest when they should be out in the big wide world having fun!

Go for it kid!!!

zdt

I pretty much agree with everything that's been said above, especially some of Terri's advice.

If you do find another doctor, and he/she prescribes any meds, please note that beta-blockers are strongly contraindicated in people with asthma. I can't remember if you said you had asthma, but I know you do have allergies. Beta-blockers are known to cause asthma attacks, often very severe ones. One of my dad's aunts died from an asthma attack brought on by ill-prescribed beta-blockers.

Other than that, you should be able to find a doctor who takes you seriously in spite of your youth. I was lucky in that regard, which is why I still see that same doctor. He actually *listened* to what was actually going on in my life, and took any concern I had seriously. Still does. Keep looking!!

And moving out might be a good idea. I can sympathize with your concern about your dog missing you terribly, and it would be hard for me to move and leave a pet behind, too. Moving out might cause a whole series of new stresses and stressors, but the change of venue might do you some good, even if you only stay there for a while before you head on to college.

trial run, why not arrange to try it for 3 month or even 6 month, leaving options open to go back home if its not suitable

I dunno whether this story is going to make it easier or worse for you, but, here goes...

My stepdad's sister was stressed out because she'd just had a child and the child wasn't sleeping properly. When her parents decided they wanted to retire and move to Bude, so she suddenly decided she wanted to move down with them, along with her husband and child. Thing was, she found it hard to get a job and her own house, she ended up having fights with her parents until one day she had a go at her mum and her dad basically, as far as I am aware, told her to pack her bags and leave. Luckily, they'd already bought a new house, otherwise that could have turned out disasterous. She's still having problems with jobs, so is her husband and her parents end up looking after her little girl all the time, I do too when I go down there (it gives her parents a bit of a rest and I love that little girl ) but her stresses ended up moving with her, and i'm not sure she's really happier now anyway.

All of what I just said is true. If probably didn't make your choice any easier (sorry sorry sorry ) but I thought it might be good to know what happened to someone else.

Stress is terrible, being a teenager, who happens to have some brains and sometimes get picked on, makes me stressed but probably not the on level you are so i'll be quiet now...

again

FF. It seems to me (and I'm reading between the lines) that you seem to want to head out on your own and have some independance. It's a big step, and it is scary, but it can be fun and bring a whole new group of challenges and excitement to life.

Re the bunny - I had bunnies and cats all my life, and never really had issues with the cats torturing the bunnies, really it was vice versa. Generally, bunnies are more agressive than cats.

Regarding your dog... he will be fine in your parents home. If he is 15-16 yrs old, it would probably be more stressful for him to leave the home environment he is used to for the confines of an apartment.

Finally, there is something fun about creating a new life and getting out on your own!

Whatever you choose, we will be there to support you!