h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know any exiled Brits around here - we've had Russians and Germans, and Caribbean islanders, and lost souls from California - but if they do show up, the local supermarket appears to be ready for them.

Elektra and I were doing something unusual this afternoon: browsing in the supermarket. That's because tomorrow is her birthday, and I wanted her to pick out some goodies she'd enjoy, like weird chocolate and fancy ice cream. While she was doing that, I was on the prowl for the possibility of gluten-free onion soup mix. This is the Holy Grail, because if we can find gluten-free onion soup mix, we can make dip for chips. I really can't spring for the $5-a-packet online stuff.

The fancy chocolate is in the aisle with the imported, 'ethnic' foodstuffs. There, sandwiched between the kosher foods and the Indian curry powders, was where I found it:

A tin of Spotted Dick. [WHAT?] Next to some tins of treacle. Treacle?

There it was: the mother lode of all foods to gladden the hearts of lost Englishmen. Yorkshire Gold tea. (At six bucks a packet, no thank you.) Packets of 'digestive biscuits'. Something called 'Jammy Dodgers', I think. Some cookies with a picture of a penguin on. Shepherd's Pie mix. HP sauce, in more than one flavour.

I don't know how you'd survive over here without HP sauce. Whatever that is.

I pointed all this out to Elektra, as soon as she'd picked out her Dove chocolates. She chuckled.

'Now we can tell Sean Bean to come for a visit,' was her comment.

Amazon has a gluten free onion soup mix that isn't bad. It comes in a 12 oz jar and makes 75 servings.

http://www.amazon.com/Vogue-Cuisine-Onion-Soup-Seasoning/dp/B003ZUJ350/ref=sr_1_3?s=grocery&ie=UTF8&qid=1357763961&sr=1-3&keywords=gluten+free+onion+soup+mix

It doesn't taste like Lipton's, but it is okay. If you don't like ordering online, maybe your grocer could order it for you.

Hey, don't I even get a link?

A40572227

Your supermarket caters for my every need. I'm seriously impressed

Now there is a shopkeeper who knows his British expats indeed. Penguin biscuits b'god. But what, no Marmite?

Have you not got digestive biscuits over there? I don't know whether to commiserate or congratulate. Did they have chocolate on?

No, no chocolate. We've got a fair amount of confections that look like those 'digestive biscuits', but they're not called that.

A lot of them are marketed to people with teething infants.

Thanks, Icy. I knew I'd forgotten something. You're the HP expert.

And no Marmite, we noticed. We found that a serious omission.

(Thanks, Hypatia, we'll look into that onion soup mix.)

It sounds like some sort of medicinal name, but 'digestive biscuits' are just simple, sweet, crumbly cookies which go very well with a cup of tea. Many people will dunk them, but it's not my personal preference. Try them (if they're not $6 a pack) - they're very pleasant.

Oh, and if you try the spotted dick, make sure you get Bird's Custard to go with it.

Oh, they had some kind of custard mix, too.

Unfortunately, I will be avoiding all of these products like the proverbial plague, as I do not wish to end up in hospital.

None of that was gluten-free. Well, possibly the treacle, but we've got molasses.

What! no black pudding ? some supermarket

can't stand bovril, but I like
http://www.marmite.com/

We've got a discount supermarket that sometimes has Brit stuff in, but the type of store it is, if you don't grab something when it's there, it may never come back again. The best way to get something new to stay is to buy ridiculous amounts ridiculously quickly, so that they see it sells and order more--or hook an employee on said food, since it's employee-owned and run Of course, the last time something new was in that I would've loved to do that strategy with was in, we were living in the trailer, so we had no storage whatsoever (we were lucky if we could go to the store only once or twice a week)

Around here, if you buy it, they just get mad and don't stock it any more.

I had a long and pointless conversation with one fella in that store about why they wouldn't buy any more GF chicken nuggets. Just because we liked them, I suspect.

I know! I liked welch's passion fruit juice, and an amazing ice cream called Alden's increased price. I swear, it's like shoving garlic at a vampire

You got Penguin bars? , and spotted dick and treacle??

. Can I spend my birthday with you guys please?

Happy Birthday Elektra!!!

When Happy Nerd was over last year she tried some HP sauce and declared "It's just like A1 Sauce"

So there you go.

Jammy Dodgers are lovely biscuits. Yorkshire Gold is about £5 for 160 bags over here, so depending on the size of the box that's not too bad at all.

Finding those biscuits was a Doctor Who moment, I explained it to Elektra.

Aha. A1 sauce. Nasty stuff.

That's right, Pasty. I can't tell the difference between HP and A1. My local grocery store had PG Tips just long enough for me to decide I liked it. They have a few British imports, but the selection keeps changing.

I'm coming over in a few months, need to remember to pack lots of tea

I don't suppose you'll be anyplace close to Little DooDah, but if you are I'll gladly take some tea.

This reminds me of a TV commercial that ran in Pittsburgh when I was in high school. You see, Pittsburghers were unusual, in that a lot of them drank what we call 'hot tea'. (Meaning: not iced tea.)

A popular brand was Red Rose Tea, which you could buy in Canada. When the Canadians started selling it in Pittsburgh, they made up commercials about Pittsburghers who were trying to smuggle Red Rose Tea over the border at Niagara Falls. Message: you don't have to, we've got you covered.

One commercial showed this lady wearing a sort of Spanish-style flat hat, with tassles all around. Only the tassles were teabags... The customs guy was suspicious...

I had a sudden flash of Pastey disguising his tea as various accoutrements...