Happy New Year 2020 to h2g2
Posted 3 Weeks Ago
Happy New Year! As the clock approaches midnight in Europe and the UK, best wishes from snowy Pennsylvania to all of you, from Scandinavia to South Africa, from Moscow to the Wirral, Brighton, and the Isle of Wight. May all your wishes come true this year.
(Because Elektra complained, yes, that song is 'April Love'. It's a Medium Leslie thing because it decided to snow all day.)
Report from the Sunday Service in Hooverville
Posted 4 Weeks Ago
The following comments were all made at church on this advent Sunday.
'I found Jesus!' (Everyone turns to look as she places the doll in the manger scene.)
'See these cookies?' [Cookies are shaped to resemble vegetables.] 'I asked one of the kids if she wanted a treat. She said, "Yeah!" Then I offered her this carrot...she made such a face until she realised it was just orange icing.'
'Brother Jones has some announcements to make.'
Man in suit with very loud Santa tie: 'First of all, Happy Birthday, Jesus. Second, we have gifts for the pastors.'
(Children's programme is going on.) From the pews a whisper, 'I'm pleased to see that last year's sheep have graduated to cows this year.'
(After the service.) 'Hey, [Name of Assistant Pastor redacted], love your tie!' (It had Christmas wreaths and no Santas.)
'Yes, Bob. You can pop my candy cane suspenders playfully *one more time*. The kids bought them at that truck stop place last night. I was planning to wear my light-up Grinch shirt to this morning's service, but...'
'How did you like the choir music? Feel free to lie.'
A very good time was had by all, even the instrumentalists, who managed to get through it all. Now, to survive Christmas Eve...
Merry Christmas, everyone!
How to Play/Read the Hooverville Saga
Posted Nov 1, 2019
Folks, if you're doing NaJoPoMo journals, remember to sign up on the Create page available from your Front Page. So far, Bluebottle's alone on there.
If you are participating in or reading '30 Hours from Hooverville', the page is A87951720 - each day will see a new thread added to that page.
Have fun, and stay safe out there!
Why h2g2 Is Better Than the Other Spread #I'veLostCount
Posted Oct 30, 2019
What the actual heck?
To begin with, I got to this amazing page - from what planet it comes, I know not - by way of needing to answer Elektra's questions about Deep Ellum, Texas. Deep Ellum is a historic neighbourhood in Dallas. It is also the home of the world-famous GTOger parking lot. The parking lot belongs to an IT company. It is small (the parking lot, that is) and therefore tows illegal parkers to leave room for employees and paying customers. The signage is well-posted. A bored tech manager spends his downtime editing surveillance footage with suitable music. He has many, many fans, and we are two of them. Here's a sample:
After laughing at this video, Elektra mused, 'Where's Deep Ellum again?'
'Dallas,' I said. 'Wait...' I looked it up on Google and, predictably, got the W*k* page. 'Ah! The name is a corruption of Elm Street,' I said. 'That explains it.'
Elektra gave me a Yankee look. 'How?'
'Nobody in the South, or Texas, can pronounce 'elm',' I explained. 'They either say 'ehm', or, as in this case, 'ellum'. To let you know they're not ignorant, and know that word has an 'l' in it. Like that Irishman in Pittsburgh who kept talking about 'fillums' when he introduced David Hammond. Most of my relatives said 'fims', instead.'
There followed way too much linguistic discourse on my part, I blush to say. Including my reminiscence of the preacher at the Richmond Baptist Church in Surrey in 1975 who confused me by talking about the 'Pam tree'.
'Pam as in a girl's name?' asked Elektra.
'Pam as in it was 'Pam Sunday',' I replied. After several more minutes of this erudition, I decided to read the rest of what the W had to say.
I wish I hadn't. At first, the earnest tone and bad syntax had me convinced an American teenager's school report had been pasted in. A Texas teenager, it must be, I thought: who else would start with 'After independence from the Mexican-American War, Texas became a part of the United States in 1845,' when Dallas wasn't founded until after the Civil War? Reference to the Alamo is obligatory in all Texas utterances, just like Lenin was to a Soviet schoolkid.
Then I hit upon these gems:
'In 1912, the concept of highway first came into people’s life.' ['I'll let that sink in,' I told Elektra.]
Based on the support from the government of Dallas, highways were constructed like mushrooms after rain.' [Picturesque imagery.]
That was definitely written by a foreigner. Or a space alien.
I suspect an interplanetary conspiracy on the part of the Centauran Alliance, bent on galactic domination, to undermine intelligence levels on Earth by infiltrating W*k*p*d** with illiterate trash. I've got news for them:
1. This is unnecessary. Have you been following the news lately, X'Zhenghis?
2. An editorial policy of 'hey, you've got five minutes and got past third grade, you can edit this,' encourages this kind of writing.
I have two requests: first, if anybody reading this is a W*k*p*d** member, would you please do something about this entry? The rest of you: fight the alien menace! Support Peer Review today!
Happy Friday the 13th to All Triskadekaphiles
Posted Sep 13, 2019
Pittsburghers always had 'triskadekaphilia' because our public television station was Channel 13. That was our station for theatre, and concerts, and opera...oh, and 'Mister Rogers' Neighborhood', which we got before the rest of the world because it originated there. This only makes sense: the Land of Make-Believe is accessed by a Pittsburgh-style trolley.
Betty Aberlin bade King Friday a happy birthday on Twitter today, and shared this brilliant King Friday poem with us.
'Scintillate, Scintillate diminutive stellar orb.
How inexplicable to me seems the stupendous problem of your existence. Elevated at such at an immeasurable distance, in an apparently perpendicular direction from this terrestrial planet which we occupy,
Resembling in thy dazzling and unapproachable effulgence,
a gem of purest carbon,
in a university of space'
(This, of course, is from the genius who gave us 'Propel, propel, propel your craft, gently down liquid solution...')
The moon is full tonight. Go moonbathing, triskadekaphiles.
Sing along with the magical Susan Osborn: