h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Because they have a really big horn? Besides, what are you doing sniffing rhinos?

*puts down the jar*

I just thought there might be some peanut butter in there- I had no idea people pickled rhinos!

Well, if they can pickle meercats and springboks, then certainly a rhino isn't out of line!

I prefer the pickled echidna. It's the pickle of choice for discriminating palates.

Is that some sort of insect, of sorts?

Where's Sorts? I didn't realize they had insects.

I think yes.

Now I think you're pulling my leg.

I would never pull someone's leg... especially when they have a wooden one.... do you keep things in there? You know, a tire iron, a bottle of gin?

That's not wood, it's veneer. Pergo makes really nice peglegs nowadays, without all the fuss and revarnishing that goes into the real thing.

Nice... what about glass eyes?

I dunno. Where'd you get yours?

Oh, this? *dangles a chain around his neck*
It makes a great marble.

The eye-chain, huh? What a handy contraption. Is that an agate or clay shooter?

I call it a whoosiewatsitt

Not a doohickey, thingamajig, or whatsamacallit?

No, none of the above. Although, I have called it Shirley.

Surely you jest. How about deeliebob?

How do you pronounce that, marm?

Easy. Mar-mmmm, short a, long r and m. It's short for marmalade. Good stuff.

No, I'm pretty sure that marm is short for marmet, rhymes with varmit, goes great with your hair (btw, how do the hairdressers get that interesting "i've just woken up from the bottom of a lagoon, having three buckets of sand and crabs thrown in my hair" look? I hope they're well tipped.