h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

could you just do that scurry thing agin fer me pet?

i like watching men scurry....it's kind of.. erm..


anyway.. nuff o the girly nonsense!

we'll have to get a move on if we dont want to be wandrin round t' aye seas on a solitary plank..

oh
and has anyone got any haagen daas? i'm sick o grog and salted fish...

thought not

*scurries un-necessarily for another coupla moments *

Haagen-daas? REAL men don't eat that stuff. So ya can have the tub that "accidentally" falled into me ruck-sack ... Butterscotch? Or plain vanilla?

*remembers some old John Wayne movie stuff, rigs a lasso and catches hold of the QE2, .... dragging the remnants of the scuttled vessel along ...*

top notch old chap!!... erm ahem.. i mean.. oh that was ok i spose for a novice..
(looks straight up in the air as the ship comes alongside their sinking wooden carcas of a boat and sees an iriate red faced cap'n shaking a fist down at them..)
well come on then.. dont worry bout this fella. i'll sort him out..
( takes knife between teeth and climbs rope, realising halfway up that stripey hotpants are not the best thing for this venture, glares at the smirking faces below and keeps climbing.....

few minutes later a grinning captain throws down a rope ladder for the others to climb, with the grog, the ships cat and the jelly babies.)

yeah, jelly babies.. youse got a problem?

ok. lets go plunder.. (smiles winsomely at cap'n and pats his head.. see ya later sweetie )

*brusquely pushes on past all tha namby-pamby sailors in purty pants and shirts and stuff, and makes a bee-line for the galley for REAL food !!!*

oi!! bring us back a brie and parma ham panini old chap would u? (already sitting on a li low on the upper first class deck with large martini in hand)..


ahhh this is the loife...take off the eye patch lads, your tan will look stupid with one white eye!!

oh, pish, we can plunder later.. loads o time for that....(spots old dear with large collecion of diamonds and gold hangin off her and smiles to self while chewing her olive)

might get out the old plank later for a bit of fun.. cant see more 'n a couple of these lot making it on that!!

Arrr! Nick, ya scurvy cur..ya not meant to wear TWO eyepatches!

Now that's just some of that there showin' off, that is!

Steering this here liner is a bu@@er. Where be that Sandra Bullock when she's needed?

Ay now, yer not meant to be seeing that 2nd eye-patch !!! *hauls the pantaloons up snugger*

Arrrr. Lowroider pan'aloons. It's what all the young buccaneers wear.

I's more of a fan o' the ones you can catch the wind on in case ye falls from the crow's nest, loike.

i dunno. i quite like them low rider pantaloons. they billow nicely in a sea breeze.. ......(clicks fingers at waiter) another o them martinis moi sweet, oh and i dont suppose you 'ave any pork scratchings??..... eh? you'll bring me a plate of horses's wot? alroite then.

good lord, what do they eat on these tugs? thought it were posh food. no pork scratchins indeed..

spose we better get goin with the takin over of this thing.. Izzy babes can you stop goin round in circles do you think? i'm starting to get dizzy. i believe you can just press a button and steer it, you dont need to be wreckin yer arms.

Aye aye, Cap'n.

We'll set sail for adventure! Or Skegness.

(Theme from "The Love Boat" starts up in the background)

not skegness
i've never been thur but it sounds......well i would rather go jamaica if you dont mind..

OI you lot!!!! where are ye? (2 guilty lookin s skulk back to their deckchairs covered in lipstick and a little worse for wear...

huh.. i hope you got some pickins for your trouble!!
no use spending 3 whole days in some ol' dear's chambers if you're not gonna get some booty to bring back to your lovely new capn......

....

......

me!! THAT'S ME!! OIM THE CAP'N now..
oh lord....
's gonna be a tough day, i can tell

Hey, lady. How's you and your week-end been? I'm just about to slink in to the beginning of a work-week.

And just BTW, that's not a very intimidating in the photo gallery.

If ya glance at pic #17, #122 and #274, ... you'll see a couple incarnations of another less-than-scarey person.

Be that a pirate I sees before me?

How are ye comin' with those scurvy dogs in steerage? Did ye drown young Mr DiCaprio like I told yez?

He ain't gived up yet, mate. But he IS firmly tied to the rudder, so shouldn't be long. Has ya been to see that that photo-gallery of h2g2 rogues, sir? There's a link on my Personal Space to a page. A page which will link ya to tha whole t'ang.

sure dats not me atal atall

i sent her 2 pics.. she chose the baddest one.. oh well..

i can look fierce sir. i can indeed

dont you forget it neither.


remember i have that masters degree in all things piraty

I t'ought dat moight be yer kid brodder, ... in a wig.

So what can of scurvy canines have ya bested today, Madame Intimidation?

well. i'll decide after this fruit punch coctail... (suddenly shakes head and snaps out of luxury induced trance)....

HAH!!! you lot have been spikin my drinks.. i've become a cruise chick without even noticing it.. . that's .. intolerable....

how did i get in this bikini? look, i've had a massage, nails done, hair done, false tan.. i want to die....

you!!! thingamiewhatsit.. mick.. get me a pair of pantaloons, red silk !! now and the stripiest socks you can find..and a black basque ... and i'll have them boots that you're wearing. and the captains jacket.... the captain?? oh. he's tied up in my cabin.. erm. for his own safety you understand. he may look a little flustered.. i was .. erm. interrogating him last night, very fiercely, in a pirate type way.. ..

and set up the plank. today is gonna be the day we take command of this thing.. ISnumber.. you go to the bridge and steer this thing properly towards jamaicy

*runs into the ship-board salon and finds the brightest pantaloons, and stripey-socks long enough to reach the armpits*

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


*tosses 'em to the wench, and heads off to weigh anchor ....*

oh yes. that feels better.. *plonks tricorner hat on head and marches off to, erm.. negotiate stuff with the captain*

can i bring anyone back a tankard o grog? that sangria is like paint stripper