h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He's saying the kind of thing that's much funnier when implied than said straight out, because straight out it would be very inappropriate!

OK. What are you implying (just so I can get the joke).

It's not me doing the implying! And it's an S&M thing...

It is becoming difficult to ask the right questions around here.

Anything I have said (or implied) about jinx is totally untrue and was wicked nonsense; I should be flogged (or better, not flogged, since I like being flogged) as punishment. (jinx releases my arm, twisted all the way up my back, (I hate when that happens)).

::clubs Ubiquitous over the head and runs off, laughing:: I like this new job!

Having foreseen (I am omniscient after all) WI’s dastardly attack, I was wearing my helmet. The cowardly (so typical) blow was deflected. He runs away for good reason, but I shall hunt him down and criticize his grammar until he is reduced to tears (quite easy really). I shall take pictures and publish them here. My triumph will be complete. (laughs manically, but recovers).

WI WI WI! You keep calling me WI! I'm IW! My grammar, I might add, is not all that awful, either! Gives Ubiquitous a swift clubbing to the... care to make a prediction?

Having foreseen Irving Washington's second dastardly attack, I of course am wearing full body armor and a face shield. Not that I fear a foam rubber bat, it's just that I don't know where it's been (and fear for the worst). The comma after awful was unnecessary. Ubiquitous

Would you like me to go back to all your posts and point out the superfluous commas I've noticed, but let slide, just to be nice? It would take me all day, so I won't. Might I add that you are one paranoid prophet? I think I might.

You are one paranoid prophet!

:-p

::spontaneously grabs a giant magnet and lifts the wicked prophet with all of his armor into the air, caring very little whether or not he has spelled "spontaneously" correctly as it took him too much time already to look up the word "superfluous" above::

Congratulations, you spelled spontaneously correctly and under duress as well. You did mispronounce superfluous though. My armor is made of titanium and hence is impervious to your silly magnet (smirking inside his armor). And take off that silly kilt it's ostentatious. I am not paranoid (yes I am).

I'm not taking off this kilt! You don't want that! Helena convinced me to put it on without anything underneath! This kilt stays on until someone brings me pants.

Do you mean I actually spelled something correctly? I'm as suprised as I was when I was able to spell onomatopoeia correctly on a test my freshman year of highschool (though I very nearly got it wrong just now. Thank God for Webster's!). Sorry about my slip up on superfluous, I had just been roused moments before from sleep.

~IW

PS -- You don't speak french, do you?

Please take the kilt off. Don't tempt me you cruel person.

Moi? Sure, throw that in my face. No I don't speak any language other than English (and that not well). I invented Sanskrit as a child but I've forgotten how it goes. Time has not been kind to me.

Ah-ha! Something I can do that he can't critique!

Vous avez une visage comme une singe. Vous avez l'air d'une Carpe vieux! Mais c'est d'accord. Je vous aime.

Jinx,
I don't think you understand the situation. Let me put it plainly:

I'M NAKED UNDER THIS KILT!!!!!!! I'M NOT TAKING IT OFF FOR ANYONE!!!!!!

Thank you.

Yours truly,
Irving

Ummmm....

Irving (or is it Washington) I have had your last message interpreted by a renowned French authority. I have no problem if you need to visit your monkey. No, you are not carping when you express your admiration for my genius. Your offer to have my babies is (while touching) not possible. I have undergone a procedure that prevents this (it's called heterosexuality). I appreciate the confidence you display by posting in French. It is challenging but fun. Thanks

*grins demonically whilst clutching onto the chair so hard her knuckles go white*