h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here, in England, we just seem to import everything from everyone else Especially if it's American, commercial and politically correct Thank goodness I'm working - Bah! Humbug!

it is no shame to import stuff like sherry, port, brandy and when you are a northener

It's just that the Chancellor of the Exchequer makes a sizable portion of the cost The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away

maybe he will one day buy you a new liver in return

For Christmas I need more aftershave, someone drank it all

Have you looked under the sink? There's a treasure trove of chemicals in there that you can ingest.
Also there's the added frisson that comes of playing Russian roullette
as you drink each one.
Everyone knows that bleach is pretty much a no-no so don't try that.

I've years worth of stock piled aftershave, taht I don't ever really use, so if anyone wants some?
Think I've solved the present for my Father, Brother says FAther wants a chainsaw so we can go halfs on buying him a relaly good one
Brother... he's useuall just happy with the money anyhow, plus I've got him one small gift already I think
I wonder if my Dads girlfriend would also like her own chainsaw yesh eysh yes !
this year I'm buying everyone a chainsaw!

YAY! I love you 2legs, you finally discovered my true dream...

I want a pair of the natty chansaw-proof trousers you can get, too!

Did you see that programme on 5, the Axe Men? That was chainsaw heaven.

it was dull...

I was waiting for the big machines they use to strip the branches and bark in one mega noise explosion... They rock! Alas, there was nary a one to be seen

Swampy and his 'Great unwashed' mates will be straight round having been unemployed since there are no more trees to chain themselves to on Twyford down Trees are for (wild)life, beaters and people with flash macs Ah, the sound of the guns at dawn *sigh* Bring me the shooters now

chainsaw-proof panties, now there's a challenge

The best thing I ever saw done with a chainsaw.... Was a friend of mines parents...
His mother and FAther had an agguement..... lots of shouting...
This culminated in the woman locking the door, leaving husband outside the house...
He went to the shed. Got his petrol chainsaw, and cut the door out of the doorframe..... just cut the whole damn front door out of the frame
Brillient.... actually he was a bit of a nutter in some respects... worked as a forrester/tree fsurgin hence he had the chainsaw to hand and knew how to use it
Hmmm....
Chainsaw proof pantaloons....
got it:
Drainpipe trousers

Wasn't from Texas perchance?

Chainsaw proof pantaloons....
got it:

Kevlar

My new studeo monitor speakers have kevlar 8 inch bass drive units/cones in them and no... your not making trousers out of my ££££ speakers damn I'm going to have to play bass now

Robyn plays both bass and boss I'm just allowing my imagination to run riot of her in kevlar corsetry AWESOME!

Kevlar, is that the non-stick stuff?

I don't know about it's tefal properties, Good armour, which is what's needed to keep my sweaty palms off

Oops, seems I've sent the wrong stuff to the troops.

teflon panties? what good would they do