Journal Entries

It wears me out

To constantly have to PROVE that I love you

That you over and over again doubt that I tell the truth when I say that I love you

That you choose to forget all the times when I caress you, kiss you, say that I love you

That you have made your mind up that I just don't love you

That being tired, not being dressed to the teeth, being slightly overwheight, not wearing contact lenses is PROOF that I don't love you

That you wake me in the night, accusing me of not loving you
That when I have assured you once again that I do love you, you finally can sleep
And then I lay sleepless wondering what the h*ll is wrong with you

Will you *please* start loving yourself?
See that you are
Very intelligent
Very good looking - so what if you have grey hair and some wrinkles? So has Clint Eastwood...
In very good shape - with all that time you spend in the gym and running in the forest how could you not be?
A high performer at work

What you lack is
self confidence
some distance to all the high demands you put on yourself
and on me
a bit of humour

I don't know when you lost your sense of fun

Sometimes I joke, sometimes you appreciate my jokes
But you rarely joke, do you?

I would love that.

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Oct 25, 2006

Be kinder to me.

I'm so tired of being criticised.

Please don't tell me anymore that
I need to lose weight

I should be prettier -
wear more makeup
get fancier clothes
get rid of the ugly glasses on my nose

Excercise more

I know I'm overweight. But I'm not that bad - five kilo's would be fine.
And I am, slowly, losing weight. Maybe a kilo a year, but I'm losing.

I wear makeup. But I wish to look professional at work, not like a hooker.

I have bought clothes lately, but it required that I tell you firmly to be the driver of the kids and me (weekends are busy, didn't you notice?) so that I could spend two hours shopping.

I need more time to find glasses. One of these days, you could come home early, and pick up the kid at school.

And likewise for excercise... relieve me of home duty one day a week, and I might make it.
But when children are brought home, fed and homework supervised, it's bedtime for them, and by nine it's finished. At that time I'm too tired to run three miles. Or even three kilometers.

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Oct 25, 2006

I thought

...that I was over you.

That the romantic bit would pass, and I could move on now.

To live in harmony with my husband and children.

But still, I think of you.
I regret that I never kissed you. That I never let you stay the night with me.

We could not have sex, but how could you know that?

Will we ever meet again?
I miss you so.

I try to be cool, easygoing, not being desperate about you. I really try.
But inside, I ache. I feel like someone in a romantic movie. In The bridges of Madison county. In Chocolate.

On the plane, I cried. If anyone had asked, I would have answered truthfully:
I just left someone I love, and I don't know if we will ever meet again.

And we never admitted in words to eachother, how much we care.
Because I do believe you care. I do.
I think you know that I am in love with you. You must know.

But I wish you always, the happiness were you are. There is a woman in your life. Your friend - one of your best friends - believes you two are so right for eachother. Only you haven't realised it yet.
Or maybe you have, but haven't dared the dive into the unknown. I just hope that I am not in the way. At the same time, remember me always.

We are a thousand kilometers apart. It's not like we can flirt at work or out in town. All we have is email. Few and far apart.
Please, keep in touch. It hurts, but I hurt without it too.

Discuss this Journal entry [4]

Latest reply: Oct 9, 2006

The other one

There are many things I wanted to tell you
Things I wanted to explain

But I won't
It might disturb
your inner peace

There are questions I wanted to ask
Things I wanted to know

But if I imagined things
I rather keep the beautiful
dream

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Oct 7, 2006


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QuietNefertari

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