h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here it is:

Jerry didn't much like puppies, but here he was, cradling one in his arms and pretending to like the little critter, all at the behest of an expensive P.R. firm that aimed to make vampires such as Jerry seem like sweet, lovable average Joes.

The photographer tried several different angles and a wide range of flashbulbs, but Jerry was having none of it, keepjng his eyes closed as tight as he could--didn't photographers know that vampires hated and avoided light?

Miranda, who had dreamed up this whole P.R. blitz, left the sidelines to tactfully persuade the photographer to use a dim light setting, and Jerry loosened up a lot after that, even seeming to actually like the puppy.

Guinevere, Jerry's daughter, was in the next room, giving lollipops to children with cancer as a photographer filmed her through a one-way mirror.

All in all, the photo sessions went well, though there was a mysterious puncture wound on the puppy's neck at the end of the day, and no one knew how it had happened.

The puppy must have fallen down the stairs.

Yes, that must have been how it happened. Or he backed into a closet where the had been stored, poking himself with tip of the tree...

who's been writing stories about me then?

it wasn't the puppy you have to worry about,
it's the very pale camera manwho's collapsed on the floor.
he also has puncture wounds...

What happend to the vampire puppy?

The vampire puppy was subsequently bitten by a werewolf. So now, every time the moon is full, he becomes a vampire wolf who hangs around bars in Transylvania, singing karaoke and looking for Elvis.

*Clicks ammo in to a gun, 'Scuse me I've got a freakish were-vampire-puppy to kill

Good idea!

So would you need wood bullets with silver jackets? 'Cause if nothing else I have some wood bullets

Name: Timdiana Jones
U-number: A52381244
Pun Knowledge: Medium
Areas of Expertise: Eating, Sleeping, Blue Oyster Cult
Other: More evil than the next man. But not any woman.
Signature:

If you don't fear the reaper, you've come to the right place. If you do, you might want to change that...

Are we full of harvesting equipment, then?

welcome to the harvest of the Dammned

Vampire Zorro, put down that sword! Z

Personally, I prefer Zombie Zorro. Lower CR.

Zombie, vampire, eh!

Well, Zorro is Batman so a vampire Zorro would be a vampire bat.

That's very .

Please, please. Blood is pooling in my face.

Don't let Mistadrong find out.