h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I got promoted to Petty Officer in the Sea Cadets. And is my rank in the EA going up on the main page?!?

Didn't it?

Maybe, maybe not, aye there's the rub.

hmmm I want a evil Job

Oh it is up there. Hooray

Now why don't you go loot and plunder something? It's a shame to have a pirate ship but no pirating. We don't want to be like those One Piece hacks, do we?

agreed *goes and plunders ec's safe that isn't his but his minions* yay money here you go EC

You can plunder all right, but can you pillage?

*pillages a doll town and kills every last barbie then gathering up the Kens he kills them with a giant magnifying glass*

Okay, that's a very satisfying demonstration.

Now, on to the office politics rat race.

*uses magic to sommon a cartoon character who is a Mexican rat called speedy who wins the race*

You have a great future, senor.

what now ... *wins the fiddle game against the devil*

(satan himself)

Sometimes I imagine the Devil to be my first grade teacher

I still want a Job

You could kill yourself in the name of the EA, that's a job.

What kind of job would you like?

one that gives me a good rank

What would be a good rank?

(I don't know much about rank, to be honest.
Always thought Corporal and Major were pretty comparable, until somebody explained things....)

Why don't you just invent an impressive-sounding rank of your own?