h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The native jumps up, puts a horn to his lips and lets out a loud blast that could be heard for miles.*

Oh, oh. We had better hurry.

*GL attempts to run faster down the path but trips over a vine. The vine, which turns out to be a boa, twines around his ankle. Another loop of the snake circles his other ankle, pinning his legs together. More of the snake emerges from the jungle beside the path and approaches the rest of GL..*

Um, help.

*Affy quickly flips through his spell book, finds an appropriate spell, and casts it at the snake*

VAXUM!

*The snake hisses a moment, and Affy realizes that it's trying to speak. He flips through the book again*

NITFOL!

Snake-Greetings, adventurer. Please, feel free to partake of this meal, should you choose to do so.

Affy-Oh, dear.

*Affy quickly explains the situation to the snake, and finds a difficulty in the spell. While the snake is now *his* friend, the snake is not GL's friend. But he thinks of a solution that should mutually benefit all of them*

Okay, sio in exchange for the life of GL, you can guard the path and attempt to eat all of the natives that come this way. Agreed?

*The snake nods its head, releases GL, and turns towards the path. Affy helps GL to his feet, they both pick up Irv, make sure that Ketsar and Pollux are with them, and continue running like crazy down the path*

[Ketsar] }We've still got a ways to go to the plane!{

[Poxlu] {Could we teleport there?}

[Ketsar] }No.{

[Poxlu] {Why not??}

[Ketsar] }I didn't Memorize the spot.{

[Poxlu] {{WELL I DID!!}}

[They all teleport to the plane]

Um, do you two mind if GL and I don't teleport? I wanna run through the jungle a bit more.

*GL and Affy continue on down the path and reach a fork.*

Uh oh. I don't know which fork leads to the plane.

*Suddenly a Panther rounds a far corner on the left fork, sees the two adventurers, crouches and begins to stalk them..*

Okay, my vote is for the right fork.

By "all" we meant all Pokémon. Sorry if I was unclear.

Ah, okay then.


*Affy and GL run down the fork that doesn't offer any enlarged feline difficulties. They come to a rickety bridge running over a few thousand foot chasm*

Okay, I don't remember *this*.

*Meanwhile, in the bushes, some natives are too busy catching their breath from finally finishing the river channeling operation they started three months ago. They pass out and don't notice GL and Affy*

Okay, let's go.

*Affy begins to cross the bridge, hoping that he can get across before the intermission*

*GL thinks that it would probably be best to wait for Affy to cross, then cross himself with Irv. That way the bridge wouldn't have to support all 3 at once. Affy is about 6 paces on the bridge when the Panther appears behind GL. With a sigh, GL gives up his original idea and runs onto the bridge after Affy. The two, supporting Irv, run as the bridge bounces wildly underneath them. About half-way across, the supports on the original side work loose and let go. GL and Affy cling to the ropes and Irv as they arc towards the opposite cliff face. GL wonderins whether it would be better to plummet 1000 feet to his death or to die after swinging on a rope and smacking into a cliff. He decides that the latter is more fun and lets out a Tarzan yell. Affy glares at him and he shrugs as if to say "What the heck, might as well have fun as we swing to our deaths". At this point, GL looks ahead to see what the cliff looks like at the point of impact. To his great surprise and wonder, he sees that they are arcing directly for the mouth of a cave. Considerably cheered, he lets out another Tarzan yell, but cuts it short as he realizes that they will hit about 3 feet below the mouth. Affy reaches the same conclusion at about the same time and the two despirately try to climb up the rope while supporting Irv. The mouth of the cave rapidly approaches and they aren't quite high enough. In a last supreme effort, they heave Irv up to sit on their shoulders and then they pull their knees up to their chests.

WHOOOOOOOOSH.

They enter the cave millimetres above floor level and skid along on their bums until they finally stop. Irv grins and looks as if he would like to do it again.*

It appears our comatose coffe man might be regaining a few brain functions. At least he didn't have to be awake for that. Now, where are we...

*Looks around the cave, and can't help but notice a red skull-shaped rock embedded into a wall*

D'OH! Oh, well. Let's see, according to my calculations, we were about a thousand yards from the airplane on a straight route. So, we just carefully map our way through this until we get about a thousand yards inside, and dig up. After all, we're not that far underground. Just a few hundred feet, I think. And if I know my cavern geology for this part of the world (which I don't), there should probably be enough rocky crags to help us. Listen.

*They both remain quiet for a moment until they hear the sound of running water. They quietly traipse in that direction knowing that this is where the cavern will be most eroded (unless there was a shift in the direction of water.)

[The twins decide to have a Pokémon duel]

Just to make sure, you're both at the airplane, right?


*Affy and GL continue through the cavern, crawling over several various rock protrusions. Affy notices a large nugget of gold on the wall and takes it. He notices a sign saying "You will not be able to rise" on a wall, and decides to ignore it. He continues walking*

*GL walks along, peering intently ahead for any dangers. As they pass a cross-tunnel, GL stumbles on something. He looks down and sees a set of rails set into the floor, running along the cross-tunnel. He looks down the cross tunnel to the right and can see the tracks dip sharply, then rise out of sight. He looks to the left and sees an empty mining cart on the rails. He taps Affy on the shoulder, points at the cart and grins Moments later, the two are in the cart, rocketing down the cross-tunnel.*

That was likely my last post here until January. Have a merry christmas everyone.

[Ketsar] }Now remember, make sure we don't hit the airplane.{

[Poxlu] {Good idea.}

[FIRST ROUND: PIKACHU vs. SCYTHER]

*The mining cart continues barreling through the tunnel. Affy notices GL put some PAG into his mouth, and Affy reminds everyone that PAG can be purchased at A490501. Before too long, Affy notices a section of the track (that should be rising up) missing. Thinking back to the sign he saw, he drops the gold nugget, and the missing piece of track reappears, allowing them to barrel upwards. Affy does some quick mental calculations*

Okay, we're definitely closer to the plane, both vertically and horizontally by now. Hope those Pokemon don't damage the plane...

Don't worry, they WON'T. If using "Fissure" or "Earthquake" or even "Dig" or "Strength" in Pokémon Stadium doesn't permanently damage the floor of the stadium, you needn't worry about the airplane.

So what you're saying is, Pokemon can only really do damage to other Pokemon, and aren't useful for much else? Sorry, couldn't help myself, I shouldn't say stuff like that.


*The mining cart continues barreling along, until it rounds a corner, and throws the three occupants of the cart outside when it hits the end of the track. Affy blinks in the sunlight*

Let's see, if my internal compass is still working, we should go...this way.

*Sets off towards the east*

Well, that's just a video game. And to further refute your statement, how would TR get where it's gotten without Pokémon?

What's TR? apologize for my ignorance, but I don't look into pop culture more than I have to. Is it pop-culture?


*Affy and GL drag Irv into a clearing, in the middle of which is the CLI bi-plane. Affy breathes a sigh of relief. They board the plane, and begin the start up procedure*

Okay, we've managed to rescue Irv. But we should get him to CLI soon, so he can get the proper medical treatment. He's been poisoned, or something. And he's definitely malnurished.

Team Rocket. To combine some of their statements, they're gangsters who use Pokémon for evil and will do anything for money. Plus they wear jumpsuits with a big letter R on their chests.


[Poxlu wins, using only her Pikachu]

[Ketsar] }Hmph. I guess I ought to know better than to only use flying-types.{

[Poxlu] {I saw this whole thing coming.}

[They get on the plane, too]