h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy has managed to cross over a pile of hot coals, that had footprints in it. He continues following what he believes to be Irv's trail*

[Poxlu has been following Affy. Suddenly Ketsar appears, holding two Poké Balls]

[Ketsar] }Hey! I caught something! I caught something!{

[Poxlu] [not as if she means it] {Great. What?}

[Ketsar] }I got a Skyther and a Murkrow!{

[Poxlu] [flipping head-over-heals and crashing into Affy] {{You *WHAT!?!?*}}

[Ketsar] }No. Me Ketsar. You Poxlu. This Skyther. That Murkrow. You get?{

[Poxlu] [flustered] {But -- but -- Murkrow's a Dark-type! Dark-types are EVIL!}

[Murkrow] Nevermore!

*GL, who had stopped in the jungle to answer a call of nature, is running along the path, trying to catch up with the others. He is begining to wonder how they could have gotten so far ahead, when he very nearly blunders into a clearing. He manages to stop short and conceal himself in the foliage. In the clearing is a small village of mud huts with grass roofs, arranged in two rows with a "street" running between. GL is hidden at one end of the street. At the other end, is a the face of a cliff and carved into the cliff face is a skull with deep holes for the eyes and nostrils, and an opening for the mouth. The entire skull has been coloured red. Flickering light can be seen inside the mouth. Tall natives stand on either side of the mouth with long knives in their belts and spears in their hands. Their belts have a strange buckle that GL can not quite make out from his position. The huts and street are otherwise deserted.

GL feels certain that Irv is being held somewhere beyond the mouth doorway, so he begins to make his way towards the skull, using the huts as cover.*

[Poxlu] {Well, I'm leaving it to you and that Skyther to keep the Murkrow in line.}

[Ketsar] }Oh, reLAX, it'll be FINE!{

[Murkrow] Nevermore!

[Skyther] [using the syllables in its name, subtitled] Shut up!

*GL creaps up behind the last hut before the skull. In front of him is an open area before the skull, making it impossible to approach unseen. The two guards look around alertly. GL trys to think of a way past the guards. He checks through the window of the hut to make sure it is empty, then enters through the window. The hut contains very little: a fire pit in the centre with some cooking utensils, a pile of animal hides in a corner, some worn and dirty clothing in another corner and a half-mended broken spear leaning against a wall. GL looks through the clothing and finds a long hooded cloak. This gives him an idea. He puts on the cloak, takes a smouldering branch from the fire and holds it up to the thached roof. He blows on the coals until they glow red and the thatch begins to burn, then he quickly climbs back out through the window and creeps back behind the next hut in the line. GL enters the hut through the window, then calmly walks out through the door into the street, hoping the cloak disguise does not arouse the suspicion of the guards. Under the watchful eyes of the guards, he crosses the street and enters the last hut in the line opposite. The guards look suspicious and seem about to take action when they notice the fire. They react as GL hoped and run to investigate. GL runs to the mouth/door of the skull and enters unseen.*

*Irv continues through the maze until he reaches the next challenge. Before him are two tunnels, one of which leads up, the other of which leads down. Both are gated. Standing 'gaurd' as it were between them is a statue of a two headed serpent, in all four of its eyes fire is burning -- a candle, hot coals, who knows -- and around each tunnel is inscribed letters of our alphabet: In fact, the inscription is in a Brazillian dialect of Spanish! Luckily Irv, being a barista, is fluent. On the left (upwards leading) tunnel is inscribed (and translated here):

"Ye who wish to pass must find the truth."

On the other (right and downward leading) tunnel is inscribed (and also here translated):

"Ye who wish to pass must find the true words."

"Wow... somebody likes being redundant" Irv says allowed. Then the slight difference hits him:

On the stone tablet at the gate (also inscribed in the same language for all to read, especially those attempting a rescue mission) gives the only clue. Quickly Irv chooses the right passage (the one leading down) and sticks his finger into the serpent's mouth that faces that tunnel, and depresses it's tounge -- the mouth of the serpent slams shut, not injuring Irv, but holding him still while the gate raises. When the gate is fully open, the Serpent releases, and the gate begins to descend. Irv just barely makes it through in time.*

[Ketsar catches his Pokémon in their respective Poké Balls]

[Ketsar] }This way! Quickly!{

[Poxlu] {Why are we moving fast? Do we /want/ to catch up with him this soon?}

[Ketsr] }Hmmm ... good point!{

* The Inside of the skull is lit by torches fixed at regular intervals around the walls of the circular room. There appears to be no exit from the room except the one by which he entered. At the end of the room farthest from the door is a stone altar. Above and behind the altar is a large red skull carved into the rock - a smaller version of the skull in which GL is standing. The eyes of the skull are two rubies that catch and reflect the dancing flames from the torches. GL stares in awe at the gigantic rubies and his adventurer spirit stirs. Quickly he runs across the room to the altar and steps behind it, next to the skull. He presses the nose of the wolf's head handle on his cane and a blade whips out from the end of the cane. He uses the blade to pry out the two eyes and then pockets them with a grin.

He is turning away when he notices something odd about the teeth of the skull. It appears that they can be pressed, like buttons. Tentatively, he presses one of the teeth. A musical note sounds quietly. He presses another and another note sounds. One by one he plays all of the notes and learns which tooth produces which note. Then he thinks about what would be appropriate to play in this place. After a few minutes he grins, and begins to play (singing along) ...*

"Please allow me to introduce myself"

*As he finishes the first line, the altar noiselessly pivots to one side, revealing a stone staircase leading downwards.*

...

Garius, good guess as to what Red would have in his lair. He couldn't have described it better himself... I would know.

Oh, and since when did "Adventurer" begin to coincide with "Theif"?


*After continuing along the tunnel for some way, feels rather than sees the walls on either side open up into a large cavern. He then hears a gate crash shut behind him. He can no longer retreat back into the tunnel. The cavern is pitch black and he feels he is likely to be eaten by a grue. Luckily he remembers that there are no grues in South America, unless they were imported in...

Oh well. He thinks back to the instructions engraved on the tablet at the begining of the maze. Something about following the eyes of Ji'h'ah (did I spell that right? I make the word up myself and I still have trouble spelling it.) But he can see no eyes in this darkness. He closes his eyes momentarily and two flames seem to come to life in the distance. He opens them again, and the flames extinquish. Only by keeping his eyes closed can he see the flames. So he closes his eyes, and walks toward what he assumes are "The Eyes of Ji'h'ah. When he reaches them, he opens his eyes and sees he is standing between to torches. They have illuminated the entire cave for him. He sees that he has just walked across a bridge that is about half a foot wide, curves, and plumets into the bowels of the volcano on either side. The gate that closed when he enters re-opens. He doesn't go back, however, because at that moment a wall opens up behind him, his is grabed by the bossman, and dragged into the next room.

This room is at the bottom of a staircase (we'll assume it's the same one Garius is climbing down.)*

Garius, good guess as to what Red would have in his lair. He couldn't have described it better himself... I would know.

Oh, and since when did "Adventurer" begin to coincide with "Theif"?


*After continuing along the tunnel for some way, feels rather than sees the walls on either side open up into a large cavern. He then hears a gate crash shut behind him. He can no longer retreat back into the tunnel. The cavern is pitch black and he feels he is likely to be eaten by a grue. Luckily he remembers that there are no grues in South America, unless they were imported in...

Oh well. He thinks back to the instructions engraved on the tablet at the begining of the maze. Something about following the eyes of Ji'h'ah (did I spell that right? I make the word up myself and I still have trouble spelling it.) But he can see no eyes in this darkness. He closes his eyes momentarily and two flames seem to come to life in the distance. He opens them again, and the flames extinquish. Only by keeping his eyes closed can he see the flames. So he closes his eyes, and walks toward what he assumes are "The Eyes of Ji'h'ah. When he reaches them, he opens his eyes and sees he is standing between to torches. They have illuminated the entire cave for him. He sees that he has just walked across a bridge that is about half a foot wide, curves, and plumets into the bowels of the volcano on either side. The gate that closed when he enters re-opens. He doesn't go back, however, because at that moment a wall opens up behind him, his is grabed by the bossman, and dragged into the next room.

This room is at the bottom of a staircase (we'll assume it's the same one Garius is climbing down.)*

[Ketsar and Poxlu follow whoever the hell it is they're following]

*GL begins to descend the stairway but hears muffled voices below. He changes into wolf form and continues down silently. As his head comes below ceiling level, his canine sight allows him to see the entire dimly-lit room. Two large natives are at the far end of the room, looking out some sort of slot in the far wall. His keen hearing allows him to hear what the men are saying.*

Native 1: He's nearing the first dog-leg. I don't think he'll make it.

Native 2: He did it! He made the turn. And the next one. Oh oh. Here comes the continuous curve.

Native 1: He'll never make it.

Native 2: He made it! He's almost here.

*GL creeps to the bottom of the stairs and hides behind a piece of machinery, near the stairs. He changes back into human form. A few minutes later, Native 1 pulls a lever and a door opens in the far wall. Native 2 grabs someone from outside the door and pulls him into the room. GL only gets a glimpse of the face of the newcomer, but it is enough - he has recognised Irving!*

[Both] Mew!

K and P - you were following Affy, who was following Irv's trail and who has now gone missing. Your party had made it past the hot coals, but hadn't posted about passing the rolling boulder, the tongue depressor or this latest walk-of-death (which should be no problem for flying entities ). That means that you should be coming up behind Irving, at some point. If Affy doesn't post soon, perhaps you could provide the solutions to those puzzles (for example, you could accidentally run into the back of Affy as he contemplates how to get past the first one, and all fall in a heap just as the boulder rolls by).

Let's just keep Affy out of the picture, since he's gone missin'.


[The twins come near Garius Lupus]

[Ketsar] }Hi!{

*Irving is strapped to a stone slab, and hot coffee poured down his throat. Native's 1 and 2 then proceed to dress him in the ceremonial garb of their tribe. When he is allowed up from the table, he is wearing a gigantic headdress, and ceremonial robes which are various colors. The natives begin to lead him to the altar (which is up the stairs.)*

*Irving is strapped to a stone slab, and hot coffee poured down his throat. Native's 1 and 2 then proceed to dress him in the ceremonial garb of their tribe. When he is allowed up from the table, he is wearing a gigantic headdress, and ceremonial robes which are various colors. The natives begin to lead him to the altar (which is up the stairs.)*

[Ketsar] }So, GL, how's it going?{

[Poxlu] {We've already caught (together) four kinds of Pokémon!}

Shhhhhhhh.


Those are the bad guys, taking Irv up the stairs to the altar. We have to save him, but those two natives are too big for us to handle alone. And Irv seems to be a bit dazed - there must have been something in that coffee that they just gave him. Have you seen Affy? We could probably overpower those two natives with his help, but not by ourselves.


*The two natives and Irv disappear above. The door/altar at the top of the stairs swings shut. GL jumps up and runs up the stairs. He can't budge the altar, but he can see some light through a crack between the floor and the altar. He looks through the crack and sees many bare feet in the room. He can hear the murmur of many voices speaking in low tones. He runs back down the stairs.*

They're getting ready for some sort of ceremony and I'm sure it will not be good for Irv. We have to get up there and save him.

*GL frantically searches the room and behind a crate he finds a passageway leading to a small chamber. The inside of the closet-sized chamber is embossed with numerous carved skulls. One of the skulls is red. GL touches the nose of the red skull. A door slides out of the wall to close the chamber. The floor lurches and GL's stomach drops to his shoes (figuratively). A few minutes later, the floor lurches again and GL's stomach bounces into his mouth (figuratively). The door slides into the wall and GL steps out of the chamber into a short hallway. There is one door on the left, two doors on the right and one door at the end of the hall. GL follows the crowd noise and opens the door at the end of the hall. Beyond the door is something like a box seat at a theatre - it contains 4 empty chairs on a balcony overlooking the main floor of the "temple". The temple floor is filled with a sea of natives, who appear to be waiting for something to happen. All eyes are fixed on the altar, where Irving is strapped, the two native guards standing on either side. From his vantage point, GL can see a similar balcony on the other side of the room, partially obscured by a huge ornate chandelier that is suspended over the centre of the room. The chandelier holds torches and is suspended on a rope which goes up to a pulley and then over to a cleat on the wall of this balcony.*