h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*taps comm badge*
Computer, fourteen high yield quantum mines, please.
*transporter whine*
*mines appear*
Ok, get in the bushes. These are remote controlled mines. Hide, I'll detonate them at the time when it'll cause most commotion and we can pick off the rest. Go!
*whistle*
*begins laying mines*

Ouch! Watch where you're planting those mines!

*Pulls herself out of a hole where a mine was just being planted by Baldrick and does a "double take"*

MINES??!! How many of these do you think you need and are you sure those bushes are far enough away?

*Beats a speedy retreat to the bushes anyway*

Being 11' 1" tall I don't think the bushes will be quite adequate.

*looks around and spots a nice big oak. Can't wait to see the size of the crater*

LOL!! Me too

~Decides to duplicate the Deimosian trick and enters a house and makes his way to the roof~

*Slips into the shadows of an alley way.*

*relieves self behind tree*

aahhhhhhhhhh...

*quickly moves bar fridge out of the way of a small river which appears from further up the road *

*relieves bar fridge of another beer*

Clever thinking Linus . It looks like it's getting tired. We shouldn't load too much weight on it.

~suddenly Kheldar's smile disappears off his face. He lies down on the roof and reaches for his sniper rifle. He looks in the direction of the office-looking dome up the road...~

*From her alley, Mari-rae hears the tramp of many boot clad feet coming down the street. She slips further back into the shadows.*

*Also pulls back into the shadows but first takes a quick peek to see a bunch of soldiers dressed up like "Village People"*

Hey, Mari-Rae! Get a look at this!

~aims for the one in the lead, the one with a couple of stars on his collar and fires. The leader falls down, and the rest of the group start looking around. Kheldar dives back behind the chimney...~

*Taking advantage of their confusion, Mari-rae shoots the one wearing a feathered head-dress.*

Gwennie, are you armed?

*walks casually up to one Deimosian, hits him in the head and tears his arms off. Proceeds to beat him to death using the arms as nunchuks*

~aims again, but this time with his semi-automatic. three Deimosians fall~

Kuma, could you step aside for a moment?

Holy Brownies, I hope Kumabear never gets angry with me. Kheldar is a good shot. The Deimosians don't know where to look. Hey! They're starting to run!! Come on!

*She and Gwennie scramble after the retreating Deimosians. Flipping her pistol to full automatic fire she sprays them with both barrels.*

~decides that now is the time to relieve the bar-fridge of a beer, cause Gwennie, mari-rae and Kumabear seem to be doing a fine job with the remaining Deimosians~

btw, there seems to be someone missing for quite some time now. Where did we leave Alicat?

*concerned* She hasn't replied to any emails.





*lights a fire and cooks the arms* I NEVER let good protein go to waste.

Note to self: never NEVER get Kumabear angry with you.

Come on, Gwennie. Let's get the rest of these Deimosians while the guys are taking a break.

*They hurry after the retreating forms. Rounding a corner they find they have hurried into an ambush at the steps of the Capitol Building. The ambush is very effective because both Mari-rae and Gwennie are netted in a huge net, then suspended in the air from a crane over a big pit filled with savage looking beast things with beaks and claws. They are slavering and leaping with snaps of their beaks nearly to the height of the net. The Deimosians stand around watching and gloating.*

Gwennie, got any ideas?

*lies back with a full belly. * burp.


*crawls over to bar fridge to liberate a brew.*

OH my god.... The bar fridge is in desperate need of re-stocking!

*Wonders how she managed to end up in the the set of an S&M movie*

Well, this is another fine mess you've got me into, Mari-Rae! No, I don't have any ideas except for...wait a minute....

*Takes a deep, deep breath and screams at the top of her voice*

HEELLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!