h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...turn into Maxwell Smart's shoe phone on which he is propositioning...

Saddam Hussein to fly over and....

...to comfort Hilary Clinton who faces the day from hell when her husband Bill goes to jail, her new career turns to shreds and she almost kills her cat. Luckily....

"the cat was heavily armed, which allowed it to rightously defend itself against the agression of Hillary. Hillary was forced to concede the field and run into Chelsey's room, where she found...

the cat can move faster then a speeding bullet which brings us neatly back to.......

.....Cheshire where all the cats have stopped smiling because....

somebody took away their power of turning invisible..which has led to ........

rioting among the Chesire Cat population, who demand their rights to invisibility be returned. Batman and Robin were called in by Comissioner Gordon, and when they arrived on the scene...

They instantly declared that Chesire was a *no cat area* and banished all the poor creatures to Metropolis.....which in turn caused......

...Catwoman to suffocate under a mountain of shedded fur as all the displaced cats appear in her apartment.
"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Batman. "Who am I going to borrow leather underwear from _now_?"
"I guess you'll just have to buy your own, cheapskate." muttered Robin.

Meanwhile, half a world away in the dark jungles of Katmandu...

the green eye of the little yellow god opened and stared around suspiciously!*Where the hell has my other eye gone* he mutters as...

*looks around cautiously*...pardon me i am the wallflower on this page and thought i would just say...."my you all have odd little minds now don't you?"...keep up the good work, it is very intertaining
the wallflower

LOL!!

Meanwhile back in the cat free county of Cheshire the, world-famous in the Pennines, cheese factory is over-ridden by hordes of hungry rats led by a strange German from Hamelin playing a tune on a pipe. The tune of course is.....

.....Mull of Kintyre....a strange choice ,but one which had a deep meaning to all the rats because..

rats are big affecianado's of celtic tunes. However, in the midst of their revels, the piper refused to play anymore- for the dastardly rats refused to save him any cheese!

"Here now!", the piper protested, "I was promised a wheel of stilton for this!"

The piper marched right out of the cheese factory to a police box, where...

Dr Who, of the Peter Davidson era, exclaimed that John Cleese had just nicked off with his sonic spanner. "Bloody ex-Pythons," muttered the piper, while he eyed off the Doctor's new companion...

"I say you're right lovely, but why couldn't I have bumped into the Sylvester McCoy era Doctor? I really had a thing for that Ace babe, y'know."

"Shut up, you twit! And help the Doctor find his sonic spanner! If he does, he'll be able to hook you up with the finest of stiltons, free of charge."

"Right. I'm going to fall for that line of rubbish again! Who do you think you're dealing with? I'll have you know I'm a piper, from a long line of pipers, and if you want any work done about you're gonna hafta PAY THE PIPER!"

"Sounds reasonable to me.", the Doctor provided.

"But Doctor!", his sidekick, whats-her-name, interjected.

"Tut-tut! Have a jelly-baby!", the Doctor insisted.

"Where's my Stilton, then?", the Piper inquired.

"Just step along with us into the Tardis...", the Doctor urged.

"Tardis? That's an old police-box, I'll have you know! How are we all gonna fit into there?"

"Come along, and see...", the Doctor replied mysteriously.

Imagine the piper's surprise when he entered the box and found it to be the size of a small cathedral within!

"And this is just the first room!", the Doctor provided.

"Blimey!", the piper stuttered, "Just like on the telly!"

At that moment, Lister came into the room, followed by a black cat...

...and a coven of crotchety witches....

...who put their cauldron down in the exact centre of the room and began to recite Shakespeare... Soon enough, out of the cauldron comes Mick Jagger! He begins to sing "Start me Up", which promptly gets Bill Gates' attention as he's the legal owner of the song.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" asks Mr. Gates in a small whiney voice
"I'm singing my song" replies Mick in that smooth Mick way.
"If you don't STOP it right now I'm going to be forced to use my massive amounts of money to get you to stop by......